


My Bully

by glossychan



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Fingering, Bottom Han Jisung | Han, Bullying, Enemies to Lovers, Han Jisung | Han is Whipped, Internalized Homophobia, Lots of Sex, M/M, Name-Calling, Praise Kink, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Oral Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Softcore Porn, Top Bang Chan, aka chan is a panicked gay, basically porn with a plot, jisung lowkey whipped for chan, u have been warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:54:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 77,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23095177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glossychan/pseuds/glossychan
Summary: The gay nerd who works at the grocery store after school being bullied by the panicked gay jock who also works at the grocery store. They're from different worlds and, under normal circumstances, probably never would have met. But an app notification on the jock's phone sets off an epic.... love story?
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han
Comments: 103
Kudos: 587





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All characters depicted in sexual situations in this publication are eighteen years of age or older. These stories are about fictional consenting adults. I don't support immoral or illegal acts in real life.

I’d been working at Barrows Grocery Store since I was a freshman in high school. Since I was too young at the time that I started, I had to apply for a hardship, which Mr. Barrows himself helped me with. My home life isn’t bad or anything, but my mom isn’t rich. And she’s rarely at home. So, Mr. Barrows helped me apply for a hardship—with my mom’s blessing—and I was soon working in his store. It’s not like working there was going to change the tax bracket my mom and I were in, but the money helped out around the house by making sure that I had spending money without affecting my mom’s pocketbook. Which was good, considering she was our sole provider.

Working at Barrows is a pretty good gig, especially for an eighteen-year-old guy during his last year of high school. It’s close enough to school that I can quickly get over to the store to start my shift when I get out of school—and it’s close enough to my house that I never get home too late on a school night. Mr. Barrows practically gives me all the hours I can physically work when I’m not in school. And I love my coworkers like they are a second family. Well, all except for one.

Bang Chan. He’s a fucking asshole. Whenever he has a chance, specifically, when no one else is looking, he’ll go out of his way to make my day miserable. Maybe not the whole day, but the parts of the day that I actually encounter him are absolutely unbearable. He’ll trip me, call me names, sneer at me, mess up work that I’ve done, and just generally be an asshole.

He loves tossing around slurs like “fag,” “faggot,” “bitch,” “cocksucker,” or other derogatory labels that he thinks are incredibly creative. He doesn’t even know that I actually am gay, he just treats me poorly since we’re so different. He’s a jock. I’m kind of a nerd. Well, at least to a jock, I’m a nerd. Other people would just see me as an average eighteen-year-old.

Whenever I’m alone in the coolers, stocking the milk, butter, and other perishables, or in the freezers, well, stocking frozen goods, or out near the receiving bays, or in the breakroom, or anywhere that I’m alone, I get nervous. In any of those places, at any time, Chan could show up and torment me in any way he deems appropriate for the situation. While I find it fairly easy to act as though I don’t hear his insults or insinuations, it gets old really quick. And, I’m ashamed to admit, I was a little terrified by it at first. Obviously, over time, it became less terrifying and merely annoying.

Chan is the same age as me, in his last year of high school, a star player of the football team. Six-feet of pure, lean muscle, with blonde curls that any teenager would love to have, slim waist, large pecs and biceps with 8-pack abs… Chan is a God. And he’s also absolutely charming to everyone. Everyone except me. If I so much as hinted that Chan was cruel to me, I’m not so sure that anyone would believe me. He’s just that charming. The fact that he looks like every straight woman’s and gay guy’s dream doesn’t hurt his case. The fact that I look neither like a weakling nor a jock doesn’t help my case. No one would see any reason why Chan would take the time to bother me.

I’ve suffered from plenty of taunts, humiliations, and downright bullying at the whims of Chan. Luckily, he didn’t start working at Barrows until he was a junior, so it’s had only been a year of his behavior that I’ve had to endure. However, I didn’t see myself being able to quit my job at the grocery store until senior year was over. Since Chan’s torture began a year ago, though actually felt like forever, I knew that I had one year left to endure his torments. And, no matter what, I was going to endure. Barrows Grocery Store was my job first—and he was not going to run me off.

At least, that was the thought going through my head as I stood in the freezer case behind the displays, sorting through flats of ice cream tubs. I had been on the clock for only an hour, and I was already deep into stocking the freezers. Apparently, the day before there had been a big dash for everyone in town to get a tub of their favorite frozen treat, so Mr. Barrows had ordered enough ice cream to last through an apocalypse. The end of summer usually does that to people. While the weather is still warm, and the cold weather hasn’t moved in yet, everyone wants to enjoy their favorite summer foods one last time.

I didn’t mind so much, though. Getting to stay in the freezer and stock the tubs of ice cream—cartons, as a professional would say, I guess—meant that I had to deal with people a lot less. Not that I don’t enjoy people, but en masse, they can prove completely exhausting. Out on the floor, I was constantly answering questions about where something was in the store, how much something cost, why prices were so high (like I was in charge of prices), and other general chit-chat. It didn’t matter if I was sweeping the floors or on a ten-foot tall ladder—people found a way to chat.

Being in the freezers or anywhere else where people can’t get to me is when I’m at my happiest at work. I could just do my job and not worry about anything but doing the tasks I was assigned to do. It’s the best aspect of working at Barrow’s Grocery Store. Most of the time, being left alone went off without a hitch, and I could be happy; other times, well, I ended up getting screwed over. When Chan glided into the freezer, a smirk on his face, I knew that it was not going to be one of my good, quiet days.

“’Sup, bitch?” Chan sneered at me as he let the door slam with a resounding “thunk.”

I rolled my eyes and continued doing my job, trying not to look absolutely petrified, nor annoyed, that I was alone with Chan again.

“Mr. Barrows told me to come back here and help your pansy ass stock the freezers.” Chan kept his sneer as he sauntered over. “I guess he realized that pussies like you can’t do much heavy lifting, huh?”

“Yeah.” I snorted, trying to be brave. “These gallon tubs of Rocky Road sure are heavy, Chan. I don’t know how my feeble arms will ever manage.”

I punctuated my statement with the act of lifting one of the tubs and stuffing it into place on a rack.

“Don’t strain yourself, cock gobbler.” Chan snorted. “I know you’re not used to lifting much.”

I ignored him.

“You’re used to lowering stuff—like yourself to your knees.”

“You are incredibly clever, Chan,” I stated in a monotone as I continued placing tubs of ice cream on the racks before us. “I don’t know how I’ll ever get over your insults.”

“You got a smart mouth, Jisung. Someone ought to do something about you always talking back.” He glowered at me.

I sighed to myself and continued putting ice cream on the appropriate racks, effectively pretending that I wasn’t about to piss myself.

“Maybe give you something to do with that mouth besides talk.” Chan grabbed his crotch and grinned evilly at me as he rubbed himself through his jeans. “Hard to talk when you’re doing what all queers are supposed to do with their mouths, huh?”

“For fuck’s sake, man.” I rolled my eyes again. “Just stock ice cream. If you can’t be nice, just do your job.”

“I got a job for you.” He thrust his hips at me while rubbing his bulge—which looked fucking huge. “Wanna apply for the position? You’ll have to get on your knees if you do.”

Chan stopped rubbing his crotch and humping at me to cackle loudly at what he obviously thought was a superb quip. I merely ignored him as I went about continuing the job of stocking the ice cream in the freezer racks. Chan continued on with calling me names, grabbing his crotch, sneering and snickering at me, but eventually, he quieted down and started stocking the freezers as well. Every now and then he would say something crude, tell me what sexual favors I should do for him, and the like, but mostly we worked in silence and got the job done.

Finally, once the freezer was stocked back up with all the ice cream that had been ordered, I started breaking down the boxes that were left over. Chan broke down his boxes as well before we loaded the now flat boxes on a trolley to take to the back-receiving area. I looked at my phone, wondering how much time was left until the end of my shift. Not that I was tired or worn out, but leaving work was always great—that meant that I’d get to go home and relax. Being that it was a Friday, and I had my first weekend off in what had been a long while, I was especially ready to leave.

“Looking to see if it’s time to meet your boyfriend for butt stuff, Jisung?” Chan cackled at me as he threw his last box on the trolley.

I chose to ignore the comment. “It’s break time. I’m thirsty.”

Once again, Chan grabbed his oversized bulge.

“I got something you can drink, homo.” He bit his bottom lip as he held his bulge. “Just get down there and pull it out for me.”

“Stop being disgusting.” I pushed past him and reached for the handle to the freezer door.

“You must be an uppity fag, then,” Chan grumbled at me. “Not many turn down drinking from my cock.”

I turned my head to sneer back.

“Got a lot of guys drinking from your dick, do ya’, Chan?” I snorted. “Didn’t know you liked guys that much.”

Chan’s face went bright red, and his hand fell from his crotch.

“Fuck you, man!” He growled at me.

“No, thanks.” I shook my head vehemently and stepped out of the freezer.

Chan followed after a breath, angrily pushing the cart out of the freezer. I held the door until he was clear and closed it gently, glad that I had survived my time in the freezer with the asshole. I watched as Chan quickly and angrily pushed the trolley away towards the rear of the store.

Whether or not it was intentional, I found myself staring at his ass as he pushed the cart away, watching his form as he made his escape from my insinuations. I shook my head, berating myself mentally as I looked away. Chan was a bully. An asshole. A homophobe. I shouldn’t find anything attractive about him.

Even if he was built like a God with a huge bulge and tight ass.

Instead of worrying about why I was staring at my bully’s backside, I went to the breakroom and helped myself to a soda from the vending machine. Dr. Pepper—my favorite. I sat down and enjoyed my drink, playing on my phone for the next fifteen minutes, hoping that the rest of the shift would go by quickly and without incident.

After break, I found myself once again stocking more shelves—this time the bags of cat and dog food. The fifty-pound bags of dog food were the absolute worst, so I always saved them for last. For a small community, we sold a lot of pet food. Of course, Barrows Grocery Store is the only grocery store for miles around, so everyone comes to us first for their daily supplies. And, actually, Barrows prices are pretty competitive to big-box stores, like the Walmart Supercenter twenty miles away. When you figured in the cost of gas, it was worth your money to shop at Barrows Grocery Store. Sure, the selection wasn’t as great at Barrows as it would be at a larger chain store, but they had something to fit any need.

I had barely started stacking bags of cat food when Chan appeared again, sauntering up like the God that he is. Well, _thinks_ he is. I rolled my eyes again as he squeezed past me in the aisle, making sure that his crotch rubbed up against my backside as he did so. I gave him a quick glare, which only got me a sneer in return. When I realized that any admonishment would do no good, I went back to pulling bags of cat food off of the pallet before me.

“Barrows wanted me to come help you out again, homo.” He stated, but in a hushed tone, so that any nearby customers couldn’t hear.

“Fine,” I stated simply.

“The big bags of dog food are just too much for you, huh?” He chuckled evilly. “Weak ass.”

At first, I was going to tear into Chan, telling him exactly what I thought about the last year of his abuse. Even risk getting punched in the mouth right there in the middle of the store or get fired for cursing him out. However, I saw an opportunity and decided to take it.

_Catch those bees with honey, Jisung._ I thought to myself.

“You’re right.” I shrugged. “I hate stocking them.”

Chan squinted at me, suspicious.

“They’re heavy.” I shrugged before grabbing another bag of cat food. “And I don’t like doing it. You’ve got plenty of muscle. Get after it, Chan.”

Chan continued to stare at me suspiciously for a few more moments as I continued to throw bags of cat food into place.

“You’re the real man, right?” I turned to face him. “Well, prove it. Start stocking ‘em, Chan. Prove those muscles aren’t just for show.”

Finally, Chan turned away from me and pulled out his box cutter, stripping the shipping plastic from the stack of dog food bags.

“When I’m done,” Chan turned his head slightly as he pulled the plastic off, “you’re going to tell me I’m stronger than you. I’m a real man and you’re a fag that worships me.”

“You’re a real man and I’m a fag who worships you, Chan.” I sighed as I slung another bag of cat food. “Now you don’t have to wait.”

Chan seemed dissatisfied with how quickly I gave in and just did what he wanted, apparently wanting me to fight him some more. However, he only let that slow him down for a minute before he wadded up the plastic, tossed it to the side, and slung the first bag of dog food onto the shelf. Once he had slung five bags into place, he turned to look at me, a large smile on his face.

“Ain’t nothing for a real man, homo.” He waggled his eyebrows at me.

“Great,” I replied as I slung bags. “Finish that pallet. There are two more in the back.”

“Okay.” Chan shrugged. “But then you’re going to show me how much of a real man I am when I’m done.”

“I don’t even know what that means, but not gonna happen, man.” I sighed. “How about you just do your job because it’s your job?”

For the next hour, Chan and I worked side-by-side again in silence, slinging bags of pet food into their proper places. Even though I tried to stop myself, I found my eyes drifting over to look at Chan’s form as he hefted and hauled bags, watching his arm, leg, and back muscles strain against his clothing as he did so.

As he bent to grab bags, my eyes drifted to his ass, watching him squat and show off his shapely form as he moved. When he lifted bags high to shove them into higher shelves, I glanced over to see his shirt rise up and expose his happy trail. I found myself daydreaming about licking that happy trail, rubbing my face in his bulge. I had to shake my head to rid myself of the thoughts as we worked.

Finally, as I finished tossing my last bag on the heap and Chan was shoving his last bag onto a high shelf, I stared openly at him. My eyes lingered on his exposed belly and I took in his crotch as he stretched and reached. I could only say that I was practically hypnotized by his amazing, God-like body as he did a job that would have taken me at least twice as long to complete. When the bag was securely on the shelf, Chan lowered his arms, looked over, and caught me staring at him. I coughed and looked away.

Chan snorted behind me before walking over.

“You don’t have to stare like that, cocksucker.” He whispered as he inched by. “If you’re a good little cocksucker, I can show you everything up close. Real close.”

“Fuck off, man.” I snarled at him as I began gathering up the trash. “I wasn’t staring.”

“Ha!” He spat. “You were looking at my muscles, man. Checking out my awesome arms and legs.”

Chan raised his shirt a few inches from the waist of his jeans.

“Checking out my abs.” He patted his flat, muscled stomach. “Bet you snuck a few peeks at this, too.”

With that, Chan was grabbing his bulge again.

“Fine.” I turned to face him. “I was staring.”

“Oh, yeah?” Chan leered at me. “Wanted to know what it’d be like to lick my abs? Suck on my cock?”

“Actually,” I sneered back, “I was wondering how small your dick must be to have absolutely no bulge, man.”

Chan got red-faced so quick, I just knew he was going to hit me. Suddenly, I found myself wanting him to hit me. That would either get him fired or at least suspended. I would never have to endure working with him again. I would never have to deal with his bullying, his rude comments, his bulge grabbing…his insane sexual harassment.

“You…fucking…” Chan stammered for words, his fists clenching at his sides.

“You can dish it out, but you can’t take it, huh?” I raised an eyebrow at him, struggling to appear blasé. “Most guys with micro-penises are like that.”

Chan slammed his fist into a bag of dog food next to his head, then stomped away, glowering at me as he did so. I watched him stomp away, looking as though he was having to keep himself from murdering me. Not that I could blame him—I was doing everything I could to bait him.

I laughed to myself once he was out of sight and then went about gathering up the trash, loading it onto the trolley to be taken to the trash compactor. Then I went off in search of a pallet loader to clear the aisle of the wooden flats.

It was fifteen minutes until closing time, and Chan and I were both in the breakroom—though we were sitting on opposite sides of the room, avoiding eye contact. Mr. Barrows had commended Chan and me on working so hard throughout our shift that he told us we could take it easy until it was time to go home. Since there was nowhere else to “take it easy,” we both headed to the breakroom.

After commenting on how I suspected that Chan had a small penis, he wasn’t talking to me, and I didn’t want to talk to him regardless. So, we walked to the breakroom in silence, ignoring each other, and found seats across the room from each other to relax in. And that’s how I planned to keep things until it was time to go home.

Chan’s head was down, hunched over his phone, his face lit up in an electronic blue haze as he focused intensely on his phone screen. I sat in my chair, my cheap, embarrassing phone in my pocket, as I sipped another Dr. Pepper, counting down the minutes on the wall clock. All I wanted was my sugar fix and for the clock to strike 10 o’clock. Then I could scooch out of Barrows Grocery Store and not have to worry about seeing the inside of the store for two more days.

I looked up as Chan rose from his chair, laying his phone down on the table in front of him. When he saw me look up, Chan flipped me the middle finger, signaling what he thought of me. I rolled my eyes.

“You wish.” I sighed.

“ _You_ wish.” He parroted.

“Very clever, Chan.” I rolled my eyes. “You’re just so much smarter than me, aren’t you?”

“Smarter than some dumb, cocksucking fag, yeah.” He snarled and marched away, banging through the swinging door at the back of the breakroom into the men’s bathroom.

I rolled my eyes to myself again and went back to sipping my drink and waiting for the minutes to pass. If it weren’t for knowing that I was off for the weekend for once, I would have gone stir crazy. It was always best to stay busy until the very last minute so that I wasn’t alone with my thoughts. That’s how people got really fed up on the job—not having enough to do to help them ignore their negative feelings about the place. Just when I thought I would go absolutely, one-hundred-percent, batshit crazy, Mr. Barrows walked into the breakroom, looking happy but tired.

“What are you still doing here?” He asked his head cocked to the side.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You told Chan and me that we could ‘take it easy’ until quitting time,” I replied. “So, we’re waiting to go home at ten. Well, I think Chan is in the bathroom, but we’re waiting.”

“Nonsense, Jisung.” He waved me off. “There’s no reason for you boys to wait around.”

“You sure?” I asked, starting to rise from my chair, relieved.

“Absolutely.” He nodded. “You both did a great job. Store’s never looked better.”

Chan exited the bathroom right then, freezing when he saw Mr. Barrows standing there talking to me. He probably figured we were about to get chewed out because Mr. Barrows forgot he told us we could relax for the last fifteen minutes of our shift. Couldn’t say that I blamed him for thinking that. Mr. Barrows was an awfully forgetful guy sometimes.

“You boys go home.” Mr. Barrows smiled down at me, then looked over at Chan. “Enjoy the rest of your night.”

“Sweet!” Chan fist pounded, threw us ‘deuces’ and exited the breakroom.

Mr. Barrows laughed. I rolled my eyes.

“All right, then.” I got up. “I’ll see you Monday, sir.”

“What?!” Mr. Barrows stammered.

I froze.

Shit.

Mr. Barrows forgot that I was off for the weekend and was probably going to convince me to work at least one of my weekend days—if not both. Knowing him, it would be in the evening so that I couldn’t have any fun on my weekend, at all. I decided to be calm and explain, during which time I would pray that he wouldn’t convince me to work instead of enjoying my weekend off. God knew that I had earned it.

“Well, sir…”

“I’m just messin’ with you, Jisung.” He broke into a wide grin. “Enjoy your weekend, young man.”

I rolled my eyes with a smile.

“You too, sir,” I replied. “See you Monday.”

“See you Monday, Jisung.” And with that, he exited the breakroom back into the main part of the grocery store.

I threw my empty Dr. Pepper can into the recycle bin and headed to the back of the breakroom where Chan had exited. As I passed the chair and table that Chan had been sitting at, I happened to look down and saw that the big idiot had left his phone laying on the table. He had been in such a hurry to leave that he hadn’t even grabbed his expensive, fancy phone after coming back from the bathroom. I really wanted to chuck it in the trash—or even stomp the hell out of it.

_You’re poor, Jisung. Don’t destroy a phone._

I ignored my hateful instincts and grabbed the phone, intending to see if I could catch up with Chan and return it to him. Who knew—maybe he’d be so grateful for me returning his phone that he wouldn’t be such an ass when we worked together in the future?

_Fat chance._

As I picked up his phone from the table, it vibrated in my hand. I’m not a naturally nosy person, but my eyes immediately went to the screen, trying to figure out what was going on with the phone. I never had a fancy phone—an iPhone or Galaxy or anything like that. But I knew what the alert on the phone meant when I looked down. My mouth fell open as I stared down at the shiny new iPhone cradled in my palm.

“What are you doing?” I heard Chan’s voice, making me jump.

I looked up quickly, dropping the phone back on the table.

“I—I—um, you left your phone.” I stammered. “I was going to bring it to you, Chan.”

“Fuck you were.” He sneered. “I know your family is poor. You were probably going to steal it.”

I just swallowed hard and stepped away from the table. Chan squinted at me for a second, then looked down at his phone on the table. I took another step away, trying to look innocent.

“I gotta go.” I backed away towards the door. “See you Monday.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all signed up for this when you clicked on this story, just so you know lol
> 
> corona taking us all to hell soon anyways (all jokes aside, stay safe everyone! stay inside, wash your hands & drink yo water <3)

I pushed through the back door as quickly as I could, wanting to put distance between Chan and me. Having seen the alert on his phone, I didn’t want to be around to suffer any fallout if he knew that I had seen it. I hustled through the receiving area of the store quickly, trying to get out to the parking lot and leave before anything awful could happen before the night was over. I wanted to get as far away from Barrows Grocery Store as possible and just enjoy my weekend—forget about what I had just seen, and the night I just had. I should have known that that wouldn’t be possible.

Just as I exited the back door and was stepping into the alley behind the store, I heard footsteps behind me. Before the backdoor could even swing shut, Chan was storming into the alleyway. I turned to see his eyes like slits, glaring at me. I started to back away, not wanting to have this confrontation. Not wanting to talk about the Grindr notification that I had seen waiting for him on his phone. Chan’s glare froze me in my tracks, trapped in the alleyway with him, all alone with no one to help, and afraid to run for it. Chan would have chased me down and beaten me within an inch of my life before I could even consider my other options.

“Look, Chan.” I held my hands up defensively. “I don’t…I didn’t…”

“Shut up, fucker,” Chan growled at me.

I thought that was rather hypocritical, honestly. However, I took his advice and shut up. There was no point in antagonizing him further.

“Did you look at my phone?” Chan continued to glare at me, stepping closer, his long legs bringing him unbearably close to me before I could even so much as blink.

At that moment, I hated to admit it, but the smell of him and the feel of the heat coming off of his body was intoxicating. Absolutely terrifying—but intoxicating. If he moved any closer, I’d feel him pushing against me.

“Of course not.” I managed to answer assertively.

Chan continued to glare directly into my eyes, his breath hot and heavy against my face. For some reason, all I could think about was moving my face closer so that our lips could touch. Our bodies could push against each other’s—but I knew that any such move would lead to the worst ass kicking of my life. Chan might be so enraged that he wouldn’t stop at just kicking my ass. I couldn’t help but shiver at the thought of us being alone in the alley, Chan enraged, and me with no way to defend myself against some guy who was obviously physically superior in every way.

“I—I swear,” I stammered, nervous from having Chan so close.

Chan’s eyes bore into me as he examined me for what felt like hours but was probably mere moments.

“Okay, cocksucker.” He practically whispered. “Fine.”

I nodded, slowly moving into action, to step away from him. When it was clear that Chan wasn’t going to throw a punch, I took a full step away, starting to turn.

“But I need to make sure.” He growled, making me turn my head back to look him in the face.

The evil smirk on his face made me swallow hard.

“Make sure I didn’t look at your phone?” I whimpered against all efforts to sound sure of myself.

“Oh,” he snorted, the evil smirk not leaving his face, “I know you looked at my phone. I need to make sure you won’t tell anyone what you saw.”

I couldn’t help it. I shut my eyes and grimaced, knowing what was to come. Chan was going to pound me into a pulp. And if I just so happened to manage to survive, I would know that the ass beating was just foreplay for what he would do if I ever had the nerve to open my mouth and tell the truth about what was on his phone. I jerked as Chan stepped forward again, drawing himself up against me, pushing his body into mine until my back was against the wall behind me.

“I can’t have a little cocksucking bitch talking shit about me, Jisung.” He breathed in my face, his smell making my knees go even weaker. “You may love cock, but even you aren’t dumb enough to think that I could take that chance.”

Bracing myself for the fists that I knew were about to fly, I tried to press myself as tightly as possible against the brick wall behind me. Seconds seemed like hours as I waited for the first twinge of pain. I don’t know why fighting back didn’t even seem like an option. Of course, fighting back was an option, but I knew that it would just delay the inevitable. When you know you’re going to get the shit beat out of you—if not worse—there is no point in making it worse. I just had to take the beating and hope that I survived. Something deep inside of me was actually aroused by the thought of Chan beating me up. Something inside of me wanted him to dominate me in some way.

_You’re sick in the head, Jisung._

When I felt Chan twist his fingers through a handful of my hair, I winced, knowing that a fist to the face was next. However, Chan put his other hand on my shoulder and shoved me down to my knees, pushing my head against the brick wall in the process. I gasped as my knees hit wet concrete, my pants soaking through immediately. I looked up as Chan took his hands away from my hair and my shoulder and found him grinning in a way that turned me on. He was still grinning evilly, but his eyes were filled with fire. I swallowed hard.

“I bet you’re used to this position, aren’t cha, Jisung?” He chuckled throatily to himself.

I just stared up at him and swallowed, unsure how to respond. But I knew how I felt. I could feel it in my pants, actually.

“Tell me you want this, Jisung.” Chan whisper-hissed down at me. “Tell me you want this, and I’ll give it to you. All you have to do is admit you want this—and your year of waiting will be over.”

Confused, I stared up at Chan. Was he saying that I could get out of this by saying: _“no?”_

“What—what if I say no?” I stammered, afraid, yes, but mostly nervous.

“Then you’ll be missing your first and only chance, won’t you?” He sneered down at me, on my knees, face level with his bulge.

A beat.

“Yes.” I breathed out.

Chan moved his hips forward, shoving his crotch into my face, pressing the back of my head against the brick wall. I let out a muffled sound of surprise as Chan ground his crotch into my face, rubbing his huge bulge against my face. His cock wasn’t even hard, but I could feel the length of it through his jeans. He moved his hips back and forth, side to side, letting me feel the entirety of him as he humped at every inch of my face. Chan continued rubbing his huge jock bulge against my face, chuckling to himself as he used my face as just something to rub against.

Finally, after several seconds, Chan pulled back and smiled maniacally down at me, my head still against the brick wall.

“Take my cock out, you fucking queer.” He spat down at me.

I shivered in my place on my knees.

“Do it!” He commanded.

Nervously, I reached up and grabbed ahold of his belt.

“You’re not taking my pants off, you fucking idiot!” He rolled his eyes. “Take my cock out!”

It took me a second to realize what Chan meant, but finally, nervously, I reached up for his zipper. When my fingers clasped the tab, Chan smiled evilly once again.

“Yeah.” He moaned lowly. “Take my fucking cock out, you fucking cocksucker. I know you’ve been wanting to see it forever.”

Slowly, I lowered Chan’s zipper, getting a peek at the black material of his boxer briefs. Chan moaned above me, looking down at me like I was a piece of juicy meat as I lowered my hand from his crotch.

“Take my fucking cock out!” Chan growled down at me. “Don’t make me tell you again you fucking cocksucker!”

Quickly, I reached up and fished my fingers into Chan’s zipper, parting the flaps of fabric in his boxer briefs. The tips of my fingers touched the flesh of his dick, and involuntarily, I shivered.

“That’s right, fucker.” Chan chuckled down at me. “I know you want that big cock, don’t you?”

I wrapped my fingers around his girth and pulled the length of him out of his zipper, almost gasping at the size of his manhood. Not knowing what was compelling me, I reached back through his zipper with my fingers, prodding gently. Being as careful as possible as not to hurt Chan’s junk, I pulled his balls out of his zipper, too, so that all of him was hanging heavily from his zipper in front me, like a beautiful, skin pendulum in front of my face. I looked up at Chan, hunger showing in my eyes. Chan leered down at me with an “I knew it” look in his eyes, and before I knew what was happening, he swiveled his hips, his cock and balls striking me across the face with a meaty slap.

“Yeah, you like that, don’t you, you little queer?” Chan goaded me. “Love having my huge cock slap you across the face.”

I just nodded up at him.

“How about you give him a little kiss?” Chan waggled his eyebrows me. “Right on his head.”

I lowered my head, as though guided by a spirit other than my own, pursed my lips, and kissed the head of Chan’s cock. Chan moaned over me and wiggled his hips, his cockhead wiggling against my lips. I felt his cock twitch against my mouth as he moaned.

“Oh, yeah.” Chan groaned. “Now lick it. Start at the head and lick all the way up my cock.”

Following Chan’s orders, I stuck out my tongue and touched it to the head of his cock, a drop of precum oozing onto the tip of my tongue. I tasted and savored it before swallowing it with my spit, then flicked my tongue back out against the head of his cock. Slowly, I lapped along the length of him, licking from the head of his cock to the top of his shaft, until my tongue touched pubes. The trip of my tongue along the length of him seemed to take forever, he was so big.

“Again!” Chan ordered, shoving himself closer to my face.

I licked along the length of Chan’s hardening cock again.

_Again._ And I did it again.

_Again_.

And again, I licked.

Finally, Chan’s full ten inches were sticking straight out, stabbing at my face as I stayed on my knees, pinned between Chan’s lower body and the brick wall. His piss slit was steadily dripping precum, landing in wet drops on the concrete right in front of my knees. My mouth was watering at the sight of the huge, beautiful, and perfectly straight pale cock before me.

“Put me it in your mouth.” Chan grabbed the base of his cock, wrapping his fingers around his girth as he shoved his cock at my face. “Take all of it, you fucking bitch. I want it in your fucking mouth.”

For some reason, I just stared, transfixed by the sight of him.

“Fucking take it!” Chan growled and slapped me hard across the face with his huge cock. “Take it in your mouth!”

Another slap.

Then another.

Finally, I awoke from my daze, and my lips parted lazily. My mouth lolling open like I was completely hypnotized.

“There ya’ go, cocksucker.” Chan chuckled.

Suddenly, his cockhead was laying against my tongue, and my lips were sucking him into my mouth. Inch by inch, Chan’s huge cock slid into my mouth, sliding over my tongue, tempting my taste buds and making my mouth turn into a flood of saliva. I sucked at him like a hungry baby, wanting to be fed by the hot, masculine jock standing above me. Chan groaned as he slid further and further into my mouth, pushing more and more of himself into my mouth as his hips moved.

Chan’s cockhead slid past the hill of my tongue, and he pulled back ever so slightly so that he could move forward again, feeling the hill of my tongue slide against the underside of his cock again. Chan groaned again as he continued to move until the head of his cock was pushing at the back of my throat. My eyes bulged as I realized that Chan had no intention of stopping. He was going to push until my nose was in his pubes and his balls were on my chin, and I was choking on him, trying to breathe around his thick shaft.

“That’s right.” Chan panted above me, his forearms planted on the wall over my head. “Keep taking all of it.”

Chan thrust once and his cockhead popped into my throat. My eyes practically bulged out of my head as I felt my throat invaded by his huge piece of meat. Still, Chan pushed, sliding down my throat, cutting off all sources of air, as he drilled for my stomach. I literally imagined his cockhead sliding down into my gut, since it was so huge, as he slid further into me. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Chan’s balls were on my chin, and my nose was in his wiry bush, and my head was trapped between the bricks and his pelvis. Chan groaned loudly as he held himself deep in my throat.

Panicking, I started to slap at Chan’s thighs as he held himself down my throat and groaned above me, praying to a perverse God in the brick wall. I started to feel like I’d pass out from no air as my throat stayed full of the huge, delicious jock cock, slapping at Chan’s thighs, begging for air. Chan pushed his hips towards my face a final time, making it feel like his huge, chicken egg sized balls would pop past my lips as well. I gave a final slap at Chan’s leg, and he pulled back, the length of him sliding out of my throat, past my tongue, and out of my mouth in one, wet movement, making a “plop” sound as it exited my mouth.

I sucked in air violently.

“Stop fighting me, Jisung.” Chan slapped me again with his cock.

I just looked up at him, my drool and his precum sliding down my chin.

“We both know you like it.” He cackled as he rubbed his cock all over my face, smearing my skin with his precum and my spit.

I nodded, my face growing red with shame at admitting how much I loved Chan’s cock.

“Now open that little pussy mouth again.” He grinned evilly, smirking down at me. “’Cause I’m ready to fuck your throat.”

I looked up at him, worried.

“We both know you want me to use you.” He wiped precum from his piss slit onto my lips. “You need me to show you what little bitches like you are good for—taking big jock cocks like mine.”

Chan laughed a final time before sliding his cockhead back into my mouth, making my eyes bulge again. Chan didn’t wait and go slowly this time. He gave a quick thrust, and his balls were on my chin again, and his pelvis was pushed into my face. He groaned loudly, holding himself deep down my throat again.

“Fuck!” Chan growled hungrily as he pulled out of my mouth.

Again, he shoved himself back down my throat, slamming the back of my head into the brick wall. I could feel precum oozing out of his cockhead as he held himself deep down my throat again. Another thrust back of his hips until I could breathe for just a split second before he slammed himself all the way to the base back into my throat. For several seconds Chan fucked my throat like this, and then finally he pulled all the way out.

“Suck on my fucking balls!” Chan ordered, grabbing ahold of his cock and lifting it up to fully expose his sack. “Wrap your lips around my fucking nuts and suck on ‘em!”

I did as I was told, taking one of his huge egg-sized balls in my mouth, sucking at it gently before moving to the next. Chan groaned loudly, stroking himself as I sucked at one nut and then the other, pleasing him with my mouth as he directed me. Chan pulled his balls out of my mouth with a wet “plop” sound and laid his cock against my face. He put a hand on top of it and began thrusting his hips, “fucking” his cock along the length of my face, rubbing it back and forth between the palm of his hand and the features of my face. Precum oozed out of his cock and slid into my nose, my eyes, smearing everywhere along my face.

“Yeah, you fucking cocksucking whore.” Chan groaned. “Tell me you love my cock!”

“I love your cock, Chan,” I replied quickly.

“Tell me you’re a fag who only wants to please me.” He continued fucking my face like this.

“I’m a fag who only wants to please you.”

Chan pulled back and started swiveling his hips, making his junk slap meatily across my face as he laughed.

“You fucking bitch.” He laughed as his cock and balls slapped across my precum smeared face. “I can’t believe what a piece of shit you are, letting me use you like this.”

I swallowed hard as I took meaty slap after meaty slap.

“Open that pussy mouth again!”

I opened my mouth, and Chan shoved his cock back into my mouth, allowing just his cockhead to slide inside.

“Wrap your lips around it!” He ordered. “Do it!”

I wrapped my lips around him.

“Suck on it!”

I began to suck, nursing like a baby.

“Yeah, polish that knob, you stupid cocksucker.” Chan laughed loudly. “Keep sucking my cockhead. Slurp up that precum.”

I kept sucking like he was offering me life.

“Now—say my name!” He cackled.

I dropped his cock from my mouth to speak.

“With it in your mouth, cocksucker!” Chan growled and grabbed his dick, shoving it back in my mouth.

I mumbled around his cock, trying to say his name.

“Again!” Chan laughed as he shoved another inch past my lips.

I mumbled his name around his cock again.

And again, Chan moved forward another inch, shoving more of himself into my mouth before ordering me to say his name with my mouth full of his cock again. This went on a handful of times more before Chan started violently pumping himself in and out of my mouth.

“Oh, yeah.” He groaned. “Keep your eyes up, cocksucker. I wanna see the fear and pleasure in your fucking eyes.”

I kept my eyes on the jock God above me as my cheeks bulged in and out as he thrust into my mouth over and over again. My eyes bulged each time he slid into my throat, choking me on his bulbous cockhead. Chan started out cackling as he thrust into my face, but his laughs eventually turned into groans as he got closer and closer to getting off inside my throat. Finally, after what seemed like forever, my eyes on his, Chan gave a final thrust.

A huge groan escaped his lips, and I felt his cock begin to throb deep in my throat. Liquid heat started to slide down my gullet as Chan moaned loudly and discharged load after load down my throat, feeding his cum directly into my stomach. It seemed like it would never stop, him injecting me with his seed as he held himself deep down my throat and impregnated my gut with his load.

Finally, Chan started pulling out, his cock still unloading shot after shot of man seed into me. His cock slid up out of my throat, firing shots, over my tongue, slathering my tonsils with jizz, until just his cockhead was in my mouth. Load after load filled my mouth until I didn’t think I could hold anymore in my mouth. My cheeks were bulging from the volume of his ball batter. Chan pulled all the way out and pointed his cock directly at my face.

He started to stroke his cock furiously, sending more shots of jizz directly into my face. Rope after rope of his load slapped across my face, hitting my forehead, my nose, my eyes, my chin, my cheeks, absolutely covering me in the giant load that his huge jock balls had created. Chan jerked until nothing else fired out of his cock, and it was only my cum-coated face and his spent cock being stroked in front of my face. I started to close my mouth.

“Keep your mouth open, bitch,” Chan grumbled. “Show me that mouth full of my babies.”

I opened my mouth, showing the mouthful of his cum that was still held within, pushing at my throat, begging to be swallowed.

“Say my name again.” Chan cackled.

I did my best and managed to say Chan’s name as cum oozed out of my mouth and down my chin, dripping onto the front of my shirt.

“Well, shit, before you waste my delicious cream, you better swallow.” Chan waggled his eyebrows at me.

I closed my mouth and swallowed, my Adam’s Apple bobbing deeply as I took the rest of his seed down my throat. Then I started to rise from my knees.

“What do you think you’re doing? Lick it clean.” Chan ordered as he thrust his cock towards me again.

Chan chuckled evilly to himself as I licked up and down the length of his shaft, cleaning my spit and any remnants of his jizz off of him.

“Like the taste of my man gravy?” Chan taunted me as I licked him clean as instructed. “Yeah, this won’t be the last time you get a load from these balls. Now suck the head clean like a good little cocksucker.”

I took the head of Chan’s cock back in my mouth and nursed on it, still looking up at him. I slowly sucked on him, swirling my tongue all around to get every last drop of his nectar so I could savor it. Chan groaned lightly as I cleaned him up. Finally, after a lot of licking and sucking, Chan was clean again. His shiny, slightly wet cock was slowly bending downwards, completely spent. Chan looked down at me as he sneered.

“Now, give him a kiss to show him you appreciate the meal he just fed you.” Chan snarled.

I leaned forward and pressed my pursed lips against the head of his cock. Then, without being told to do so, I leaned down and kissed each of his balls, paying tribute to my new master.

“That’s a good little bitch.” Chan chuckled. “Now put away your new favorite toy, you little cocksucker.”

Gently, I stuffed Chan’s softening cock and his balls back through the zipper of his pants and the fly of his underwear. Lastly, I zipped him up gently, all the while looking up into his eyes.

“Good job.” Chan snickered. “You’re not going to wipe all of my babies off your face until you get home, are you? You’re going to wear them on your face so you can remember what a pathetic cocksucker you are until you get home, right?”

“Yes, sir.” I nodded, the jizz on my face already starting to dry.

“Good.” Chan snorted. “Now, I’m leaving. And you don’t get off your knees and go to your car until I’m gone.”

Chan turned to leave and started to walk away, but when he reached the end of the alleyway, he turned to sneer at me again.

“And you better believe this isn’t the last time you’ve tasted my fat cock and taken a load of me, bitch.” He grabbed his crotch and laughed. “You better go home and rest up for this weekend.”

With that, Chan was gone. When I heard his car leave the parking lot, I eased up off of my knees, and wobbled to my car, my face still smeared with his cum. With a content sigh, I started the car, and as I drove away, all I could think was:

_I am a fag, Chan. And I’ll be a fag for you anytime._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! how's quarantine life treating ya? lol all my classes are continuing online so aint no corona vacation for me lol. anyways hope u enjoy this update ;)

I laid in bed the next day, wondering if the previous night had been real or not or if it had just been a figment of my imagination. Even though I had taken a shower and cleaned my face of all traces of Chan, I could still smell him. His body, the smell of his manhood, the smell of his cum as it lay all over my face and coated my throat and mouth. I could practically taste him half a day later.

Chan had pegged me for a fag, a homo, a cocksucker, eager to have him take his cock and use me how he wanted. And he had been right. I was a slave to him. To the smell of him, his masculinity, his dominance, his feel, the taste of him, the oppression of him in my mouth, pounding away. I wanted him to continue using me any way that he saw fit.

The thoughts made me sit up in bed, my covers dropping to my waist and exposing my chest as I thought about what I was feeling. I mean, I always knew that I was gay, but now I was calling myself _a…fag…_ inside my own head. Now I was demeaning and degrading myself after having my first taste of a guy’s dick. Now I was willing to be someone’s fucktoy just because they gave me a good piece of meat to savor. Who was I? This wasn’t who I thought that I was at all.

What about all of my offense at the things Chan had been saying to degrade and humiliate me over the last year? I had fought against him, been pissed off, angry that he would so openly and relentlessly taunt me. He had made my life a living hell for so long. He had made going to work a struggle every single day—an event that gave me anxiety and depression. He had made me fear having to look him in the eyes and hear him say one crude thing or make one more rude gesture. He had me wanting to quit the only good job that I could actually find in my town. He had me wanting to prove that I wasn’t what he said I was.

_Fuck._

But that was the thing, wasn’t it? I was the things he was saying. I was a fag. A homo. A cocksucker. And now I was physically and mentally a slave to his body. To any whim he had. I hadn’t had enough to sate my hunger for it. That’s what it had been over the last year. I thought I was dealing with a straight homophobe who was attempting to humiliate and degrade me just for the sake of it. Because of that, I hadn’t allowed myself to realize—let alone admit—that when he said those things, I wished that I could admit them.

I had wanted to tell him every day that I was a cocksucker, and I wanted to show him how good of a cocksucker I could be for him. But the previous night had shown me that he had wanted to show me how to be a cocksucker. He had wanted to use me as much as I had wanted him to use me. That Grindr notification on his phone that I saw—that made him chase me into the alley and take what he wanted—was Chan gay?

Of course, he wasn’t gay. Well, probably not. Maybe. I didn’t know.

Was Chan on Grindr because he was gay and wanted to have gay sex? Probably not. I mean, he only fucked my face and made me his cum-guzzling whore in the alley out of anger. Or sexual frustration, maybe.

_Was that it?_

Had he wanted to use a guy like me—to get off on his sexually taboo fantasies for a long time? Had he been plotting over the last year how to get me on my knees for him? To help him experience what it was like to have complete physical control over a guy? To get off on making another guy accept him into their mouth and throat—to let him sexually humiliate them? And after a year of his baiting, and me not taking the bait, had he been thinking about resorting to other measures? Maybe he was planning to find some experienced, willing, gay slave on Grindr to degrade and humiliate. To worship his incredible body and huge cock.

The thought of his cock made mine twitch, and I suddenly realized that I was hard as a rock. My cock was at full mast, so hard it was almost painful. In fact, I had practically been hard since I had gotten into my car after having Chan fuck my throat. How I had been able to keep myself from whipping my dick out and stroking off right there in the Barrows Grocery Store employee parking lot was beyond me. I had so wanted to. I wanted to feel the release from the buildup of Chan using and abusing me. I wanted to scream out in pleasure while his cum still decorated my face, while I could smell him fresh on me.

Even when I got home and ran upstairs to the shower to clean up before my mother got home and saw the dried jizz on my face, I didn’t jerk off. I had just washed up and went to bed, eager to dream. To see if I would reimagine the entire scene that had just played out in the alley. And when I slept, I did dream—but not of having my face fucked as it was pinned against a brick wall in an alleyway. No.

_Chan was kissing me._

_Rubbing his hands over my chest and back._

_Running his fingers through my hair._

_Guiding my hand to his bulge to rub._

_Whispering in my ear how much he loved my mouth._

_How much he wanted to make love to it again._

My hand had found its way to my hard cock, and I was stroking as I thought of “Dream Chan.”

_He loved my mouth._

_He loved fucking my throat._

I stroked faster as I thought of a loving Chan, giving me comfort and loving sentiments and emotionally supportive conversation before shoving me to my knees. Sure, the blowjob was actually a throat fucking—and it was rough. It was basically Chan fucking my face—which made me stroke faster and harder. But that didn’t mean that it was bad at all. It was great. But if Chan could also kiss my mouth, tell me sweet nothings, and how much he loved me…my throat…it would be everything that I would want.

I didn’t even care if he ever touched my dick or gave my dick pleasure in any way. I could take care of that myself. But if he would love…something about me…something that made it more than just a face fucking, that would be everything I could hope for from him. I’m not an idiot. I knew Chan would never be my boyfriend or anything. But he could be more than some guy who fucked my throat in an alleyway.

I had wanted him to use my throat when he had shoved me to my knees in the alley. I had wanted him to use and abuse me. But in my mind, imagining Chan as being more forceful—forcing me to take his cock—it made me shiver violently as I stroked off. My precum came in streams as I heard Chan in my head, berating and humiliating me as he thrust in and out of my throat, using my throat to pleasure himself.

Just when I was getting close to the edge of releasing my own load, my phone dinged.

Still stroking furiously, I grabbed my phone and opened my texts. Chan had gotten my number…somehow. On the screen was a picture of Chan’s hand clasped around his huge bulge. With a caption.

**Chan:** You better be ready for another mouthful of this.

Then another message.

**Chan:** I’m going to fuck your throat raw. Be ready when I get off work.

I clenched my teeth together, stifling a scream as to not wake my mother, and released, cum shooting out of my cock, stopped only by the blanket over my lower half. I continued stroking for several seconds, milking every bit of cum out of my balls as I thought about Chan milking his cock in my throat, mouth, and onto my face. Finally, I pulled my hand out from under the covers, feeling the wetness as the blanket fell back against my lap. I looked down at my hand at the large blobs of cum that covered it.

As I shamefully licked my hand clean, I imagined that it was Chan hand-feeding me more of his delicious jizz.

\--

The morning went by painfully slowly as I thought of how to respond to Chan’s texts. Sure—he was using me—but we both knew that I wanted to get on my knees for him again.

Chan was an asshole, but he wasn’t dumb.

I was pretty sure. Or…I hoped.

Finally, after a lot of contemplation, I knew that if more time went by, Chan would panic that I hadn’t responded. If he thought that I was pissed, or possibly considering telling someone, he might do something crazy. Something along the lines of self-preservation. I needed to respond. Quickly and appropriately. Something that got my intentions across but didn’t seem too desperate to have him back in my mouth. We had been playing games with each other for a year. There was no reason that I couldn’t play for a few more hours, right?

Slowly, I typed my response.

**Me:** I can still taste you, sir.

I was sitting on the living room sofa as I hit “send,” and then immediately dropped my phone in my lap, wondering what would happen next. Seconds seemed like hours as I waited, begging for my phone to “ding.” Finally, less than a minute later, it did. Scrambling, I grabbed my phone and opened my texts quickly, hoping I had done the right thing.

Another picture. With another line of text.

**Chan:** I hope your throat isn’t too sore, because you’ll always be tasting this.

Included was a picture that I could tell had been taken in a bathroom at Barrows Grocery Store. Chan was in a stall. His cock was hanging out of his fly, semi-hard. Had my message done that? I licked my lips at the sight of the picture and the words that accompanied it. Thinking for only a second, I drafted my next texts.

**Me:** Yes, sir.

Then, thinking quickly:

**Me:** Please.

Seconds later, Chan responded.

**Chan:** That’s a good cocksucker.

**Chan:** My shift ends at 4. And then I really want to get off.

I swallowed hard as I looked at the words. And I sent the only appropriate response.

**Me:** Yes, sir.

If the morning was slow, the early afternoon was like watching paint dry. I divided my time between sitting on the living room couch, trying to watch something stupid and mind-consuming on T.V., playing video games, and checking the fridge every 30 minutes or so to see if something more appealing had miraculously appeared to eat. My mind was racing, wondering what Chan had in mind for me now that we had crossed a bridge. But I was also nervous. What if today he was absolutely brutal? Even more cruel than before? What if everything I had theorized turned out to be completely untrue?

Maybe Chan was a complete sadist, playing with my sexuality just to merely humiliate me, to taunt me, to blackmail me…to ruin me. Maybe I was just the means to an end? He just wanted to get his rocks off—and I was some cocksucker who would do anything for a God-like jock’s cock. He didn’t care anything about me or what I had to offer him and his cock. I was just convenient. Someone that he saw nearly every day, someone with an open mind and mouth. Any cocksucker would do—I was just available. He could put his cock in anyone that he wanted, at any time that he wanted. I just got lucky that his eyes landed upon me.

_But that was the thing, wasn’t it?_

Chan could easily have gotten any girl he wanted. With his charm and his looks, the world would be at his feet, begging to have him cast his gaze upon them. So, it stood to reason that any gay guy who was desperate for that kind of attention would fall at his feet as well. Right? That’s why he was on Grindr. He was looking for some guy starving for a hot jock’s cock and attention. But he had chosen me. Of all people—me.

_But the circumstances, not Chan, chose you._

I shook my head in frustration. Chan would never have done what he had done if I hadn’t seen his phone notifications on accident. It was serendipity, not Chan’s actual desire, that got his cock in my mouth.

Wait. _“Got his cock in my mouth?”_

Is that what I had been hoping would happen for the last year? Had I secretly been hoping that Chan’s teasing and taunting and degradation would lead to something more? Had I always been hoping that he secretly wanted me to confirm my homosexuality so that he would feel emboldened to offer me his cock? To take my mouth for his toy? To use my body in any way that he saw fit in order to get his kink on?

Had my interactions with Chan over the last year been _“I think I protest too much?”_

Was I that guy? Had Chan known—and if so, had he been baiting the trap for me this entire time? When it had taken too long for me to take the bait, to give him a reason to make a move, had he taken other steps? Had he joined Grindr to find a more willing participant in his game? Maybe Chan had been in the process of eliminating me from the game, finding a new partner to play with, when I happened upon the phone he left on the table. Of course, that was the thing, wasn’t it? If I had just ignored the phone, or quickly thrown it in the trash, I never would have seen the notification. This would never have happened. I wouldn’t be stewing in my house, waiting for more attention from Chan and his body.

_But what guy like Chan leaves visible notifications for Grindr on his phone?_

Someone who wants to get caught. Anyone who saw his phone screen light up would see the Grindr notification. Anyone happening by. Anyone looking over his shoulder. _Anyone trying to hand him his phone back._ There was no reason that Chan wouldn’t have hidden notifications for Grindr. What if his parents happened across his unattended phone at home? A person from work?

_I was the person from work._

My mind started reeling as I thought about the implication that the previous night might have been a complete setup. Chan’s phone hadn’t been on silent the night before—I had heard it go off numerous times, announcing texts, Facebook, Twitter…on and on. Chan was a popular guy, apparently. But I never once heard the telltale sound of Grindr sending a notification. The sound of Grindr—for those familiar with it—is unmistakable. But when I went to pick up his phone to take it to him—there was a notification. Though I hadn’t really looked at the notification. I only saw the Grindr logo before freaking out.

What had the notification said? _“Welcome to Grindr”?_ Had Chan merely downloaded the app, lock his phone when the notification came, and then set his phone down and went to the bathroom? Maybe he thought that I would look at his phone while he was gone. Maybe he took me for a nosier guy. But I hadn’t looked at his phone while he was gone. And his plan had been spoiled when Mr. Barrows showed up to tell me we could leave.

Chan had looked terrified when he saw me talking to Mr. Barrows. But when he found out that Mr. Barrows was just telling us that we could leave, he realized that I hadn’t looked at his phone. I wasn’t the nosy kind. But he knew that I was the “do the right thing” kind. So, he “left” his phone behind. Knowing that I would grab it and run to catch up with him. And since all new iPhones light up when they’re moved—unless you turn the feature off manually—I would look down when it lit up. And I’d see the notification.

_That’s it. You used psychology, Jisung. You figured out his master plan. You got inside his twisted, yet wonderfully wicked, mind._

Something in the back of my mind still had me worried, though. All of this sounded reasonable, but what if I was just wrong? What if everything had just been one coincidence after another? It wasn’t unreasonable to think that the timing had just worked out to where I happened upon his phone when he had forgotten it, and there had been a message from Grindr waiting.

_Why hadn’t I read that damn notification?_

Why couldn’t I be the nosy type? If I had just looked down and seen “Welcome to Grindr” or “Activate Your Grindr Account’’ or anything that would have told me whether or not he had just created an account, I would have had my answer. I tried to think back to how he had followed me out to the alleyway and…did what he did.

_Made me take him down my throat._

Well, “made” in a very liberal sense of the word.

When he confronted me in the breakroom, taunting me that I was poor and had tried to steal his superior phone, he hadn’t really seemed to mean it. He knew me well enough to know that I was no thief. And when I ducked out of the breakroom anxiously, he hadn’t caught up to me until I was in the alley. Chan was a few inches taller than me, had long legs, and was a jock. He could have caught me before I moved two steps. Even if I allowed a few seconds for him to look at his phone and realize what I might have seen, he still had plenty of time to catch me before the alleyway.

Sure, he may have waited until I was in the alleyway just so that no one would see him accost me…but if he was just worried that I had seen his phone, he would have grabbed me and threatened me in the receiving area. He had been calm and controlled in what he had done. As if he had planned the whole thing—or at least had it outlined in his head. He wanted me in the alleyway so that he could make me suck him off with no one seeing.

Anyone could have run across us inside the building—but out in the alleyway was a different story. Chan and I were the only ones that would have gone through the alley. Mr. and Mrs. Barrows lived in the large apartment above the store. And none of their windows looked out over the alley. They would never have run into us unless they actually stepped out into the alley—which they had no reason to do for any reason.

Chan had cornered me where he knew it was safe to test his theories.

That’s what I was going to believe, anyway. All of my theories might be complete shit, but I thought I had figured Chan and this year-long game out. Did that mean that I was going to confront him with my theories? Of course not. If I were wrong—he’d laugh in my face. If I were right—he’d be angry and maybe scared. Either way, the scenario didn’t play out with his cock in my mouth again. And, even if I wanted to deny it, _I desperately wanted Chan’s cock back in my mouth again._

At three o’clock, I told my mom to “have a good day” as she headed out for her twelve-hour shift at the hospital. Like all weekends, Friday through Monday, she worked twelve hours a night in the emergency room as a registered nurse. I usually worked on the weekends, too, so I didn’t miss her as much as I did when I was younger. Of course, when I was younger, she worked different shifts to fit in with caring for a child. However, once it became clear that I could be left alone overnight at home—around the age of twelve—she started working weekend nights. More money.

She had a good job that paid good money—but the cost of living is expensive. The mortgage for our house was astronomical, property taxes were crazy, car insurance for a teenager isn’t cheap, groceries to feed a growing teen are costly, car payments, saving for my college fund, on and on and on, and a registered nurse’s salary didn’t stretch as far as some would think. Especially if that registered nurse is a single parent.

Not that we lived in squalor or went to bed hungry—but we certainly didn’t have many luxuries. My mom did have a new car, but mine was used—many times over. And she had only bought it when I had found a job. Neither of us had the newest and fanciest tech gadgets. We didn’t have cable. We bought generic brands when possible…we made my mom’s salary stretch so we could be comfortable. Besides, we had each other, and music, and books, and hobbies, and joy at the wonders of the world. All those other things were not the key to happiness.

And now that Chan had fucked my face, I had something else that was free to enjoy and look forward to. Hopefully.

I watched the clock move like molasses from three o’clock towards four o’clock, glancing at the clock every few seconds to see how much closer I was to seeing Chan again. It was agonizing. The closer it got to four o’clock, the more nervous I became. What if he had changed his mind? What if he had found someone else willing to play this game with him? What if some girl finally told him that she would give him what he needed like I had? What if, what if, what if? What if he was too tired after his shift? My mind raced with “what if’s” as I twitched and jerked in my seat, watching the clock.

_Ding._

I jumped and scrambled, reaching for my phone on the coffee table.

**Chan:** You better be ready. Give me your address.

I swallowed hard. Did he plan to come here and make me do things to him in my own house? What if my mom came home? Was he picking me up to take me somewhere…not safe?

_Ding._

I nervously looked down at my phone.

**Mom:** Hey, honey. We’ve got a mess here. Don’t be surprised if you don’t hear from me tonight. I might even be late. Don’t forget there’s meatloaf in the fridge—and don’t watch too much Netflix! I love you!

I smiled at my mom’s text. I responded, telling her I wouldn’t worry and told her I loved her, then turned my attention to Chan’s text. Should I give him my address? Did I want him to know where I lived? We lived in a pretty small town—it’s not like he probably didn’t already know the general area, or at least how to find out where I lived.

_Hadn’t I wished for this? Why was I looking for a reason to back out now?_ I choked back my reservations and started to type out my response. I texted Chan my address. My phone dinged back at me.

**Chan:** Got it. See you in a sex.

**Chan:** No. That wasn’t a mistake.

I smiled nervously as I set my phone down on the table in front of me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hoes i'm back lol anyways prepare to meet panicked gay chan
> 
> also tysm for ur comments! glad ur enjoying this story so far ;)

I answered the door before the bell had actually stopped ringing.

_Eager much?_

Chan was standing on the front steps of my house, looking as gorgeous as he ever looked. Tall, blonde, sculpted, imposing, dominant, cocky… _delicious_. His characteristic smirk was nowhere to be found—in fact, he looked apprehensive—possibly scared. The sight of him standing in front of my house, looking as though he was unsure of himself for once made me feel sorry for him. Sorry for the guy who wanted to use me as his fucktoy. That was a laugh. However, Chan was always the guy who seemed as though he was comfortable anywhere he went. He was in charge of every situation. Here, on my front steps, he just looked like a regular guy who didn’t know what was waiting for him.

“Hi,” I stated simply.

“Hey… Jisung.” He gave a sharp nod, chewing at his bottom lip.

We stared at each other for a minute, both of us unsure of what the next step in all this was. For a second, I thought that Chan might lose his nerve, think this was a bad idea and bolt. At the very least, he may just tell me he had to go… wash his cat or something. Instead, he looked down at his feet, kicking the toe of his shoe lightly against the threshold.

“Your parents home?” He looked up for a second, then back down at his feet.

“No.” I shook my head, realizing that I’d have to explain my homelife to Chan—my former bully—now… something else? “Um, mom’s at work. My dad hasn’t been around in a while.”

“Oh.” Chan kicked the threshold again and looked up. “Sorry, man.”

I shrugged, even though he wasn’t looking at me. “It is what it is, right?”

“Yeah.” He nodded to himself. “I guess so.”

Again, we stood there like idiots for a few moments.

“But my mom works nights, so I get the house to myself a lot…” I began.

Chan seemed to be mulling this over in his brain for a moment. Finally, his signature smirk appeared on his face again, and he looked up.

“So, are you inviting me?” He sneered.

“Is—isn’t it more fun if I don’t?” I tried not to stammer, but like most things involving Chan, I failed miserably.

Chan frowned for a second, looking confused, then finally smirked again, catching my drift. He walked into the house, pushing past me, his shoulder knocking against me just hard enough to seem genuine. I smiled to myself, since no one was outside looking at me anymore, and gently closed the door, trapping Chan and me alone inside.

“I, uh, like your house,” Chan stated shyly as I joined him in our small living room.

I gave him a disbelieving look. He returned my look with an earnest one of his own; obviously, he wasn’t entirely in character yet. Whatever character it was that he had cultivated starting a year ago.

He shrugged. “It seems homey. That’s all.”

“Well, it is that,” I replied evenly.

Chan just stared at me. I reached up and scratched my head, wondering what it was we were supposed to do next. For the last year, Chan had bullied me, teased and taunted me, attempted to humiliate and degrade me. Then last night, his master plan culminated in a slightly brief—but highly memorable—scene in the alley behind the grocery store. This was new territory. We had never met up for some casual sex before. Things worked better if we played the roles of aggressor and victim—as fucked up as that sounded in my own head.

“You probably live in one of those McMansions, huh?” I asked, trying to make things less awkward, giving him a taunting smile.

He shrugged with a shy smile, reaching up to rub the back of his neck with one of his large hands. If I didn’t know better, I would have said he was nervous.

“Rich parents. All the cool gadgets. Nice cars.” I cocked an eyebrow. “Probably got a swimming pool, too, huh?”

Chan chuckled nervously.

“I figured.” I nodded.

“I do like your house.” He dropped his hand and gave me a quick glance before looking down at his feet again.

“Thank you.”

Again, we stood in silence, Chan staring at his feet and me staring at him, wanting to lick my lips at the sight of him. Why was I so much bolder than him now that we were in my house? He had been so dominant in the text messages just minutes before, but now he looked like he wasn’t so sure of himself. I decided to give him another break.

“Do you want a soda or something?” I asked. “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah.” He looked up, nodding happily at my suggestion. “A soda sounds cool.”

“Take a load off.” I waved at the couch.

Chan took the hint and stripped off his jacket, gently hooking it on the coatrack by the door. He moved gingerly towards the couch, as though he was afraid something might jump out at any time and bite him. I turned towards the kitchen, but not before letting my eyes light upon his body once more. Over his pecs that pushed against the chest of his shirt, his abs that showed their definition through the belly of his shirt. His broad shoulders and bulging biceps. His large thighs and long legs. That bulge.

“We’re a Dr. Pepper household if that’s okay with you?” I asked as I headed towards the fridge.

“Hell yeah, man,” Chan stated in a tone that made him seem to be warming up. “We only have Pepsi and Coke at our house. Lots of beer, I guess.”

“Um, my mom might have a beer in here if you…”

“No.” Chan shook his head as I looked over from the open fridge. “I don’t really like beer…or alcohol, I guess.”

I nodded, grabbing two Dr. Peppers from the fridge. Back over in the living room, I sat down on the sofa next to Chan, making sure to keep enough room between us on the couch as to make us comfortable yet introduce some intimacy into the scenario. I handed one of the cans to Chan, which he took, his fingers brushing against mine as he did so. If I wasn’t mistaken, a blush reached his cheeks as he took the soda from me before popping the top.

I popped my can open as well, taking a healthy swig of the delicious, sweet nectar that basically melt on the tongue. Chan took a large gulp of his drink as well, giving an appreciative sigh after swallowing, looking at the can in his hand as though it were gold. I couldn’t help but smile at the gesture. Chan saw me out of the corner of his eye and looked down at his lap, blushing once again. I turned my head so he couldn’t see the Cheshire-like grin that crept to my face.

“Have you lived here for long?” He asked, obviously just trying to break the ice.

I met his eyes.

“I’ve gone to school with you since first grade, Chan.” I chuckled.

“Right.” He gave a self-deprecating laugh before slapping his forehead.

“But, yeah.” I nodded. “My whole life. Born here and all.”

“My parents are from up north.” He volunteered. “Moved here when I was a baby… but basically been here my whole life I guess. Never known anywhere else, so…”

“Same here.”

Chan stared at me for a minute before looking back down at his lap again, looking nervous still.

“I don’t know what to…”

I chuckled. “It’s okay. This isn’t a gay bar or anything. You’re not chatting up a stranger.”

“I’d never go to a gay bar.” Chan shook his head gently. “I’m not—'

“Yeah.” I cut him off. “I know.”

But, actually, I didn’t know. I had no idea about anything in regards to Chan’s sexuality. Other than he had been a raging asshole to me for a whole year—and had fucked my mouth the night before in the alleyway behind Barrows. Well, I guess I knew that his family was rich, he lived in a McMansion with a swimming pool, owned lots of cool things, and his parents were from up north. Oh, and his family preferred Coke and Pepsi. Northerners. Sigh.

Chan’s sexuality, though, I had no idea. I knew that he had immensely enjoyed using my mouth and throat as a means to get his rocks off. But that didn’t mean he was gay. Didn’t mean he was straight either. Of course, he could be bisexual… but mostly it just made him horny and me convenient. Him denying his willingness to go to a gay bar to find some guy to use and abuse meant nothing to me. It explained nothing about the previous night or the preceding year. His statement had just been a denial that he would ever decide to go to a gay bar.

All I knew for certain, other than the few snippets of information that Chan had volunteered, was that I really wanted him to use me again. I wanted him to make me do anything and everything that popped into his perverted mind. Well, I hoped he had a perverted mind. Last night might have just been a whim, a boiling over of hormonal teenage horniness. He certainly didn’t seem very aggressive or dominant at the moment, there on my couch, drinking a soda from my fridge.

“Do you want to…?” I asked lowly, almost a whisper.

“Yes.” Chan looked up quickly, right into my eyes, before looking down again.

I glanced at his crotch, seeing that he was definitely ready to do more of what we had done the night before. But Chan wasn’t doing anything to make those things happen again. Were we switching roles? No. He didn’t want me to be aggressive. He wanted the same thing, as far as roles went, but he didn’t know how to do it when it was so planned and I was so willing. We needed the aggression and violence to make all of it okay to do. He needed it to feel like he was punishing me for being a fag. Chan didn’t want to feel like he was having sex with me—but instead, violating me. ‘Cause that’s what hot, _“straight”_ jocks do with fags. They use them for their own pleasure—whatever that pleasure might be.

“Do you want me to beg?” I found a louder voice to ask, setting my soda on the coffee table.

Chan blushed deeply, not trying to hide it this time.

“I don’t know if that’s…” Chan trailed off.

I watched him for a moment, wondering what he was going to say, but it quickly became apparent that he didn’t know how to finish that thought while keeping his dignity. Instead of forcing him to finish his thought, I grabbed my soda, took a healthy drink, and then returned it to the coffee table. I stood from the couch, looking down at Chan. He looked up at me, desperate, wonder in his eyes. He probably thought I was going to ask him to leave. He would have been wrong if that was what he was thinking.

“I need to get something from my room,” I stated evenly.

Chan frowned.

“It’s upstairs. first door on the left.” I looked him in the eyes.

Chan frowned a moment longer, then finally gave me a nod.

“Cool.” He gave a sheepish smile.

“So,” I started to walk away, “I’ll just be up there doing that. In case you need anything.”

He nodded again, a smirk slowly starting to form on his face. I started to turn, but Chan suddenly spoke up.

“Your mom won’t be home anytime soon?”

“Not until 3 in the morning or later.” I nodded over my shoulder then walked to the door, locked the deadbolt, and started up the stairs.

I didn’t have the nerve to look over my shoulder to see if Chan was nervous, smirking, or what, but I took the stairs at what I hoped was a reasonable pace. Not too eager, not too nonchalant. When I reached the top of the stairs, I turned and walked down the hallway to my room, my breath coming in anticipatory gusts as I entered my room. I tried to act casual as I entered my room and walked over to my desk. Mindlessly, I grabbed a book off of my desk and looked at it, trying to act natural as I waited.

Waiting wasn’t something that I had to do for long. I sensed and smelled Chan in my room before I heard him. He walked through my bedroom door as if he owned the place, crossing the distance between the door and me with a few short strides. With his legs, though, it wouldn’t take him much to cross the expanse of my room. Suddenly, I felt him pressed up against my back, his hard bulge pressing against my lower back as he wrapped an arm around my neck, putting me in a faux-chokehold. When he pressed his lips to my ear, I shivered involuntarily, hoping that it wouldn’t turn him off.

“You are a total fag, aren’t you, Jisung?” He whispered menacingly in my ear, falling back into the role he had played for a year.

I nodded, trying to pretend to be scared.

“You’d do anything for this cock, wouldn’t you?” He growled lowly into my ear, thrusting his pelvis into my back.

Again, I nodded.

“Use your words, cocksucker.” He growled in my ear, tightening his grip around my neck. “I’ll beat it out of you if I have to.”

“Yes,” I answered quickly, breathlessly. “I’d do anything for your cock, sir. Anything to keep you from hurting me.”

He chuckled lowly into my ear.

“Oh, it’s going to hurt.” He mumbled in my ear, then turned me to look at him, his fingers locking around my upper arms. “And you’re going to like it, aren’t you?”

“Yes, sir.” I gave what I hoped was a frightened nod.

“You’re going to be my little cocksucker, again, aren’t you?” He smiled evilly into my face, his grip tightening on my biceps, making me gasp in pain and pleasure.

“Yes, sir.” I nodded. “Anything for you and your huge cock, sir.”

Chan involuntarily let a groan escape his lips as his eyes half-shut in pleasure. On instinct, I lifted my leg, brushing my knee gently against his huge bulge, feeling his hard cock.

“Tell me you’d do anything to keep me from beating the hell out of you right now.”

Chan had intended to be threatening, but his eyes betrayed him. He was begging me to tell him. He needed to feel powerful. To feel that I would do anything and everything he told me to do without question. Because I wanted to do those things as badly as he wanted me to do them.

“I’ll do anything you make me do to keep you from beating the hell out of me, sir,” I replied evenly, looking him in the eyes as my knee rubbed against him. “Anything.”

Chan shivered as my knee rubbed against him, and then suddenly he had turned me around and bent me over, his bulge now against my ass. This turn of events startled and scared me. I wasn’t prepared to have him try to take my cherry—and I didn’t even have any condoms and lube. Did he have any with him? I started to pop up from my bent over position, but his hand gently yet firmly held me in place.

“Don’t worry, Jisung.” He stated in a tone that didn’t match his words. “I’m not gonna fuck your tight little ass today.”

He reached down and squeezed each of my buttocks, then grabbed onto my hips so that he could grind himself against me. Then he pulled back and used his thumb to push at my asshole from outside of my jeans, making me jerk in what I was pretty sure was pleasure.

“But it’s time you made me a promise.”

“Anything… sir,” I grunted as he ground his thumb into me through my jeans.

“Your anal virginity belongs to me.” He pushed harder. “This ass belongs to me.”

_How did he know that I was still a virgin?_

“Yes, sir,” I grunted as he thumbed my asshole. “My ass belongs to you.”

“When it’s time for you to lose your cherry,” He started to move his thumb in circular motions, “and you’ll know because I will tell you… I’ll be the one to do it.”

“Yes.” I groaned, moving my hips to push back against his thumb.

Before I could blink, he had yanked me up and spun me around to look him in his eyes. He began to run his index finger over my lips.

“This mouth is mine, too, isn’t it?” He whispered hungrily. “You only want my dick in your cockhole, don’t you?”

“My mouth is only for your cock, sir,” I replied, my eyes pleading with him to give me what I needed. “No one’s cock is as good as yours, sir.”

“Mmhm.” His eyes closed languidly as he ran his finger over my lips, then slowly he pushed his index finger into my mouth.

I immediately began to suck at his finger, as if it were his cock that he was offering me to nurse at hungrily. Chan groaned but opened his eyes to look into mine as I slid my mouth up and down the length of his long finger, sucking and licking at it.

“You worship me.” Chan nodded as if confirming something. “You’re a cocksucker who worships everything about my body.”

I mumbled, ‘’I worship everything about you, sir,” as I suckled at his finger.

“It’s rude to talk with your mouth full, cocksucker,” Chan smirked me as he pulled his finger from my mouth, making me long for him to give it back to me immediately.

My first thought was to snap back that _“that wasn’t what you said last night,”_ but I kept my mouth shut somehow.

“I think you need to learn what happens to stupid cocksuckers who do stupid things, Jisung.” He grinned menacingly at me.

Somehow, it made me uncomfortable to hear him calling me by my name. That wasn’t what the character he was playing would call me. Before I could think of the psychology behind that, Chan spun me around and shoved me onto the bed, ass up.

“Get on your hands and knees, Jisung.” He did it again. “Do it.”

That was better.

I rose to my hands and knees, presenting my ass to him once again. Before I could think, Chan delivered a mind-numbing slap to my ass, a spank that was somewhere between too hard and just right. I jumped but felt my cock twitch at the same time. Another few slaps, alternating between my buttocks, as he _“punished”_ me. After several slaps to each side of my ass, Chan grabbed one of my buttocks in each hand, massaging them roughly, but pleasantly as he stood behind me.

“You know I have to teach you how to treat me, right?” His voice was gravelly as he spoke, filled with desire.

“Yes, sir.” I moaned as he massaged my ass before pushing his thumb against me again.

“But the punishments get worse and worse, the more I have to teach you, Jisung.” He leaned down, pushing his crotch against me, and laying his body against mine to breathe into my ear. “Do you want worse punishments?”

I didn’t know how to answer.

“I don’t know, sir.” I shivered as I felt the length of his body against my back.

Chan sighed in my ear, a desperate, satisfied sigh as he ground his crotch into my ass.

“Well, then…” He fumbled for words, “we’ll have to make sure you get punished enough to keep you in your place, Jisung.”

I nodded, the side of my face brushing against his with each movement.

“Yes, sir,” I replied eagerly. “I don’t want your punishments, but if you think they’ll help, you should probably punish me as often as you think you should.”

Chan began dry humping against me, his crotch grinding against my ass with each movement. My cock was now at full mast, pushing against my zipper through my underwear in a way that was both pleasurable and painful—utterly euphoric. Chan began to moan in my ear, thrusting against me, causing my cock to rub against the front of my pants with each thrust from him. He continued thrusting, and my cock continued pumping against the front of my pants until I didn’t think I could take it anymore.

“Goddamnit,” Chan growled in my ear and rose from his position. “Turn around.”

When I turned around, Chan had already fished his cock out of his zipper and was shoving it towards my face. I held myself on my hands and my knees as Chan shoved the full length of his cock into my throat in one thrust. Chan groaned out in desperation and pleasure as he began pumping violently into my throat. Each thrust he made forced my body to move, continuing the rubbing of my cock against my pants.

In less than 20 seconds, I felt my orgasm building, my balls pulled up tightly against my groin as Chan assaulted my throat. His balls wetly slapped my chin as he thrust and groaned loudly. I moved my hips faster to increase the speed and friction of my cock against my pants. Finally, when it felt too much, like I would pass out from the pleasure, my cock shot off in my pants, spewing the load from my balls into my underwear. My body spasmed as my cock shot load after load into my pants. Chan shivered violently as he watched my body spasm beneath him.

“I’m gonna fucking cum, Jisung!” He screamed out wildly, then added for good measure. “You dirty cocksucker.”

And then he did. I felt his cock tense and then begin to pulse as he gave a final thrust and held himself deep in my throat. Unlike the previous night, Chan pulled back until just his cockhead was in my mouth and unloaded completely, letting his entire load spew forth into my mouth until it was full. Chan groaned as his cock stopped spewing into my mouth. With his plum sized cockhead still between my lips, I swallowed, taking all of him down my throat for the first time. I swallowed everything he gave me, savoring it.

Chan sighed with satisfaction as he pulled his cock from my lips, not stepping away from me. His shiny cockhead stayed less than an inch from my face as I looked up into his eyes. The mean, degrading, dominant Chan was gone again, and he was simply smiling awkwardly down at me as his cock bobbed in the air before me. Without waiting for him to direct me, I leaned forward and licked and sucked him clean as he moaned, and then gave his cockhead a few sucks to clean it off.

I moved from the position on my hands and knees, Chan stepping back just enough to give me room. I sat down on the edge of the bed in front of him, looking up at Chan as I took his cock in my hand and put him back in his underwear, then zipped up his jeans for him. As a last gesture, I leaned forward and kissed the deflating bulge at the front of his jeans. Chan took my head in his hands and held me to his crotch gently, his fingers running through my hair. Finally, I pulled away and looked up at him again, my lips still wet with him.

“Do you want to…stay over or something?” I asked gently.

Chan looked down at me. Suddenly, I realized that I might have made a mistake in taking this a step further.

“I just mean, we could watch a movie, play video games, just hang out and…”

“Yeah.” He stopped me with a smile. “Sounds fun. Besides, I’ll probably have to put you in your place a few more times tonight, right?”

It was my turn to smirk.

“Yes, sir.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAN RED HAIR CHAN RED HAIR CHAN RED HAIR sorry i was a lil sister shook but anyways i hope u enjoy this chapter! ;)

**Me:** Is it okay if I have a friend stay over?

**Mom:** Well, this is a pleasant surprise! You haven’t had friends stay over since you were in middle school!

**Me:** Mom.

**Mom:** Okay, okay. Sorry. That’s fine, sweetheart.

**Me:** Thanks, mom.

**Mom:** There’s food and sodas in the fridge. Clean up after yourselves!

**Me:** I know! Jeez lol

**Mom:** And don’t eat all of my ice cream! Love you, Sungie!

**Me:** Love you, too.

Chan and I spent the evening watching stupid horror movies about teenagers who were too dumb and horny to run away from bad guys with knives and axes. I don’t care for horror movies because they’re dumb, but Chan wanted to watch them, and that was a good enough reason for me. We ate too much popcorn—and yes, even a little of the ice cream that my mother had claimed as her own. We laughed a lot at how dumb the movies were and then switched to video games. I only had a PS3, which I’m sure was kind of slumming for Chan, but he didn’t complain at all. Mostly, he just talked about the movies, the games, things that we had never talked about at work. At all.

That was bugging me. Chan and I didn’t talk at work—unless it was when he insulted me and I replied with an insult. It was kind of weird to be having actual fun with him, but it also unnerved me at times. All of his insults and anger were now reserved for other activities. It almost seemed like we were becoming friends. In less than twenty-four hours, Chan had gone from my bully to something different. I wasn’t sure what to call him, but _“friend”_ seemed to work. “ _Cock donor and movie partner”_ seemed a little too vulgar.

Since Chan had arrived so early in the afternoon, we were able to watch a few movies and still have plenty of video game playing time before we were both starting to get too tired to continue. Around midnight, Chan had asked if he could use the shower before bed. I had led him upstairs and showed him where my bathroom was and then left him to it. While he was showering, I went downstairs, made sure everything was locked up, cleaned up any messes, turned off the lights—except the lamp that I left on for mom when she came home—and headed upstairs.

Just as I was finished pulling on the shorts and t-shirt that I wear to bed, Chan came out of the bathroom and crept into my room. Luckily, his gym bag was in his car, so he had a spare t-shirt and shorts with him to wear to bed. Unfortunately for me, that meant that I wouldn’t get to see him nearly naked. It was unfathomable that I had had his cock in my mouth twice now and hadn’t seen him even close to naked. His bare legs, from the knees down, was all the additional skin that I was allowed to view. However, I did my best to make it look as though I wasn’t looking.

Chan placed his pants and shirt that he had worn from work into his gym bag, zipped it up and placed it neatly in the corner, out of the way. While he had been finishing his shower, I had retrieved the air mattress from the hall closet and had put it in my bedroom floor for him. Together, we unzippered my sleeping bag and tossed it over the air mattress, making a very comfortable temporary bed. I handed over a pillow and a blanket to Chan and I climbed into my bed while he lowered himself to his. We were silent as I reached up and turned off the bedside lamp.

After hours of talking and laughing, watching movies and playing games, the silence and the dark were a little unsettling. I could hear Chan breathing, so I was sure he could hear me, too. Neither of us was falling to sleep immediately so that only made things more uncomfortable. I did my best to ignore the fact that we were both laying in our beds, ignoring the fact that we weren’t asleep and it was dead quiet. Luckily, Chan broke the silence before it became overwhelmingly awkward.

“Thanks for letting me stay over.” He spoke softly from his spot on the air mattress.

“Anytime.” I smiled to myself.

“I may take you up on that.” He chuckled lowly.

I waited a beat.

“My mom’s usually at work on the weekends.” I shrugged, making my covers whisper against my skin. “It’s nice to not be alone.”

I could hear Chan shift in bed, as though turning on his side and propping himself up on his elbow.

“It must be nice to have some alone time, though, right?” He asked.

Mimicking his movements, I moved to my side, propping myself up on my elbow so that we were facing, even if it was in the dark. I could make out Chan’s form and vague facial features in the dark.

“Sometimes,” I replied. “Other times it’s not fun.”

“Do you get lonely?” He almost whispered, as though the word ‘lonely’ was shameful.

I thought about it.

“Sometimes.” I conceded. “Yeah. A lot.”

We both stared at each other in the dark. Finally, Chan spoke again.

“If your mom’s cool with it,” he began, “I could stay again. I mean, it’d be nice to not feel pressured to hang with the football guys all the time. They’re kinda annoying.”

He chuckled at this. I chuckled, too, but wondered if he knew that he had been the same way less than twenty-four hours previously.

“Besides, my family isn’t all that fun to hang out with, either.” We both chuckled again.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “You can stay again. If you want to and have time and all.”

Chan watched me in the dark.

“Okay.” He stated simply.

Again, we were left in the dark in uncomfortable silence. Chan managed to chase it away again, though.

“I had fun tonight, Jisung.” He stated simply.

“Me too,” I responded.

“Will you do something for me?” He whispered, as though he wasn’t sure if he should ask what he was going to ask.

“I can try.” I tried to not smile.

Chan didn’t say anything for several moments, making me worry. Maybe he wasn’t going to ask for something sexual like I had thought. Maybe this was something really strange. Maybe it was fucking weird, actually. Or maybe, it was something totally different.

“Can I see you naked?” He asked so quietly I could barely hear him.

I blushed. It wasn’t what I had been expecting. And I had never been seen naked by someone before. At least… not _intimately._ Sure, my mom had seen me naked when I was younger. The guys in the gym saw me naked in the showers… but I had never _stripped_ in front of someone.

“Um, I don’t know.” I chuckled nervously. “I’ve never…”

“It’s cool.” Chan chuckled in the same fashion and laid down. “I’ve just never, ya’ know.”

“Yeah.” I giggled. “Me either. I’ve never seen a guy naked… _like that_.”

Chan lay on his back, looking up at the ceiling. In the dark, I could see that his eyes were still open. I laid on my bed, propped up on my elbow looking over at him. I really wanted Chan to see me naked—even though my body wasn’t spectacular. I was kind of scrawny—but my time slinging stock at Barrows Grocery Store had given me definition. I didn’t have anything to be ashamed of, but I wasn’t an Adonis-like Chan. And I was nervous. What if seeing me naked was a step that made him rethink what we had going on?

What _did_ we have going on?

“I’m nervous.” I giggled.

Chan rose to his elbow again, leveling me with his gaze in the dark.

“Why?”

“I’m not like you,” I replied lowly. “You’re, well, you, and I’m, well, me.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Chan didn’t laugh.

“It makes me nervous for you to see my body,” I stated simply.

“Do I need to rephrase?” He asked evenly.

I didn’t know what he meant. How else can you rephrase: “can I see you naked?” The question was pretty straightforward, after all.

“Take your clothes off, faggot.” His voice came out deep, raspy.

My cock twitched in my shorts. Now I understood what he meant. He realized that _asking_ me to do something changed the dynamic. My body reacted to Chan when he told me to do something. As if my body was controlled by some force other than my own brain, I gave a throaty sigh and swung my legs over the side of the bed.

“Turn on the light,” Chan ordered.

I reached over and flipped on the bedside lamp again. Chan was shifting on his air mattress, coming to sit lotus style atop it. Swallowing hard, I walked over to the main area of my bedroom. Chan turned to where he was sitting, looking directly at me as I stood before him, as if on a stage. I knew that my cheeks were red and my knees might have been shaking—but this jock bully was telling me that I had to do something.

_Didn’t I have to obey?_

“Do what I told you to do.” Chan raised an eyebrow, his mouth a smirk as he kept his eyes on me.

I took a deep breath and pulled my t-shirt up over my head, finally exposing some skin to Chan. My chest was scrawny, though I had some definition in my pecs and biceps, my stomach was just flat. My waist was narrow. Chan kept his eyes on mine as I giggled nervously. Next, I reached to my waist and pushed my basketball shorts down to my ankles and slowly stepped out of them, nudging them a few inches away with my toes.

Chan kept watching me as I stood before him, now just in my boxers, red-cheeked and wobbly, wondering if I had the nerve to go through with this completely. I could tell that Chan was about to tell me what to do again, so without too much hesitation, I reached to the waistband of my boxers. With another intake of breath, I slid my boxers down to my ankles. Again, I pushed an article of clothing away with my toes. Much to my chagrin, my cock was half-hard, pushing away from my body in a heavy arc.

Chan’s eyes stayed on mine for a few moments, both of us staring at each other before he lowered his eyes. My bully’s eyes traveled down my body, over my chest, taking in my arms, my stomach, then skipped down to my feet, up my legs, to my thighs. When his eyes finally landed on my crotch, his eyes seemed to take on a languid stare. He stared at my crotch for a length of time that became uncomfortable, during which time my cock grew even harder. As though Chan’s gaze alone could bring me to a full erection. Finally, with my cock sticking straight out, Chan’s eyes danced all over my body, taking me all in again. I stood there, doing as I had been told. Precum started to leak from the piss slit of my cock, dripping heavily to the floor below.

“Play with it,” Chan whispered.

“Huh?” I giggled nervously.

“Stroke your cock,” Chan growled.

Tentatively, though I wanted nothing more, I reached down and wrapped my fingers around my cock. As soon as I touched my cock, precum oozed heavily from the head and dripped again. I ran my hand over the head, collecting what I could, and rubbed it over my cock for lube. Slowly, my cheeks growing redder, I began stroking my hand down the length of my cock. Then up, jerking off as Chan watched.

Chan’s breathing got more ragged as he watched me jerk off in front of him. My breathing increased in speed as I closed my eyes and jerked faster, suddenly forgetting that I was being watched in such an intimate moment. I knew that it wouldn’t be long before I was shooting my load onto the floor at my feet. The thought made me more nervous, but it didn’t slow my strokes. My fist slapped against my balls on each stroke, and they pulled closer to my groin as my breathing became ragged.

“That’s right.” Chan’s voice came from right in front of my face, making my eyes fly open.

Chan was standing in front of me, my fist almost hitting him as I stroked upwards. If he had been a few inches closer, the head of my cock would be touching the front of his shorts. Chan placed a hand in front of my cock, right beneath it.

“Shoot your load, cocksucker.” He commanded.

The thought of Chan standing there, staring into my eyes as I jacked off, his hand waiting to catch my load put me over the edge. I groaned lowly as I titled my cock down towards the cup of his hand and gave a few more strokes. Then my cock was spitting and spewing into his open hand. Shot after shot of my jizz filled the palm of his hand as I stroked harder and faster, milking my cock for every last drop. When I finally calmed down, my breathing beginning to return to normal, I gave a final stroke, and tentatively pulled my hand away from my deflating cock.

Chan stared into my eyes as I looked back up at him, the rosy hue of my cheeks finally feeling like it was dissipating. We stared at each other for mere moments before Chan finally looked down at his hand. He seemed to be examining my load before raising his hand to me. I looked at the palm of his hand, seeing my milky ejaculate cupped within.

“Eat it.” He commanded. “Eat your jizz.”

I didn’t hesitate. I let him lift his hand to my mouth, and I licked and sucked every bit of my load from his hand. Then I licked his palm clean. Chan moaned lowly as I ate my own seed out of his hand. Then he stuck his fingers into my mouth, one by one, making me suck them clean of any leftover cum. When they had all been sucked clean, he shoved his middle finger in my mouth, moving it in and out as I sucked at it. He placed a hand on the back of my head and held it while he shoved his middle finger as deep as he could into my throat. I didn’t gag. Even when he wiggled his finger, touching every surface of my throat.

“Fuck.” Chan groaned in an animalistic voice.

The next thing I knew, Chan had grabbed me and pushed me to the floor, face down. I gasped in surprise and excitement as he pulled his cock out and straddled my ass. I wanted to fight—he told me he wouldn’t do this to me. However, once I felt him lower himself to straddle me and simply place his huge cock between my ass cheeks, I relaxed somewhat.

Chan groaned and began fucking my ass cheeks, sliding himself in between the meaty parts of my butt. Violently he thrust, back and forth, groaning like an animal above me as he “fucked” me. He placed a hand over the top of his cock, holding it down between my ass cheeks as he slid back and forth between them. It was only seconds of thrusting before Chan tensed and I felt him spew onto my lower back. His hands slammed into the ground next to my head as he jerked spasmodically against me, still thrusting at basically nothing.

Finally, Chan settled down, and the pressure and weight of him returned to my ass as he sat down again. I could feel his softening cock laying in the puddle of his jizz as he struggled to breathe normally again. Without even knowing that I had gotten hard again, my cock spewed another load between me and the floor again, squirting up between my stomach and the floorboards.

“Are you cumming, Jisung?” Chan groaned as my body spasmed under him.

“Y-y-yes,” I grunted as a smaller amount of cum shot out of me.

Finally, once my orgasm subsided, and we had both calmed down, Chan climbed off of me and moved on his knees up to my face. He knelt next to my face, his nearly soft, but still huge, meaty cock, was right next to my head. I looked up at Chan as his cock dangled heavily next to my face.

“Clean me off,” Chan smirked and grabbed his cock, holding it out to me like the offering that it was.

-

I woke only briefly during the night when I heard my mom come in from her shift at the hospital. The hall light came on, spilling a golden beam underneath my bedroom door and across the floor where Chan slept peacefully on the air mattress. Mom, knowing that Chan and I were sleeping, was quiet as she used the bathroom and got ready for bed. After a few moments, the light in the bathroom went off, and I heard her walk down the hall to her room. Then the house was dark and totally quiet again. I fell back to sleep, the taste of Chan in my mouth, and a smile on my lips.

-

Sunday was wonderful. Well, at least the morning and early afternoon were wonderful. But when Chan had to shower and leave for his shift at Barrows, my mood changed. Chan grinned, happy that I didn’t want him to leave, knowing that I was irrevocably addicted to his cock. To him. To what we now had. To our understanding. Regardless, he did have to go to work. He couldn’t call in, because Mr. Barrows would just call me, and that wouldn’t solve anything.

Before he left, and he was fresh out of the shower, Chan made me kiss the head of his dick and promise that I’d think about it until he let me have it again. I did as he said, kissing the head of his cock and whispering that I would miss it until I saw it again. When I walked him to the door, he grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand against his bulge.

_When you play with yourself, I want you to think of me. Only me._

It was an order… but also a request. Chan wanted me to worship him as much as I wanted to worship him. As he held my hand against him, I promised that the only cock for me was his. At that, he smiled, gave me a wink, and then he left.

Shortly after Chan left my house, mom woke up for work and went about eating breakfast, drinking her coffee, and getting a shower to prepare for the day. During her preparation for her workday, she asked questions about “my friend” and whether or not we’d had fun—all the standard parent questions. Within an hour, she too was heading out the front door on the way to start her workday. And then I was alone.

For the next hour, I flipped channels on the television, browsed the internet and my social media sites, and did my best to ignore the pangs in my stomach. I had wanted Chan to be able to hang out with me all afternoon. I wanted him to be there with me. I wanted him nearby so that the next time he was ready, I’d be on my knees for him again. Or taking orders from him. Doing whatever he wanted me to do. Being his slave.

Around five o’clock, my phone “dinged” signaling a text had arrived.

**Chan:** Thought you might be having withdrawals.

**_Attachment: 3 images_ **

I looked at the group of photos that Chan had taken on break in the bathroom at Barrows Grocery Store again. First shot—grabbing his bulge in the bathroom mirror, his face cut out of the shot. Second shot—his cock hanging out of his fly. Third shot—his smirking face. I swallowed hard and steeled my resolve. I fired back a text without dissecting it.

**Me:** I’ve missed you all day, sir.

**Chan:** How much?

**Me:** I’d do anything you said.

**Me:** I’d obey all of your commands, sir.

**Chan:** That’s what I like to hear, cocksucker.

**Chan:** You drive to school, right?

**Me:** Yes sir.

**Chan:** You won’t be from now on. You’re riding with me.

**Me:** Anything you want, sir.

**Chan:** I’ll need to be sucked off before school each day.

**Chan:** Think you can handle that?

**Chan:** Actually, you’re _going_ to suck my cock before school each day. Got it?

**Me:** Yes sir. I can’t wait to have you use my throat again.

**Chan:** Shit. I gotta get back to work. Barrows is a dick. I’ll pick you up at 7am. Ok?

**Me:** I’ll be ready.

**Chan:** Make sure that mouth is ready, too.

The following morning, Chan arrived precisely at seven, just as he had promised.

“Good morning, Jisung,” Chan smirked at me from across the front seat of his SUV through the open passenger window.

“Morning.” I smiled back as I approached his SUV.

“Hop in.” He winked at me.

Chan’s SUV was obviously bought for him brand new by his parents and was nothing like what I would ever get until I was old enough to buy my own car. If I had a good enough job. The Expedition was brand new, leather interior, all the bells and whistles, and way too fancy for me to really comprehend or appreciate. I slid into the car after putting my backpack gingerly in the backseat. Once my seatbelt was fastened, Chan pulled out of my driveway, looking uncharacteristically happy for a teenager on the way to school.

“I really like your… car?” I stated.

“Truck, SUV—or call it a ‘car,’ I don’t care.” He turned his head to smile at me for a second.

“Well, it’s freakin’ sweet.” I chuckled.

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “My mom bought it, but then decided she didn’t like it, so she passed it on to me and got a different car.”

“That’s nice.” I offered.

Chan just smiled at me again. For a few moments, we talked about our Sundays, what we had to worry about in school, the usual shit. Then, Chan grinned evilly as he pulled down a road that I was unfamiliar with. Chan grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand to his crotch. He was throbbing hard within his pants. I smiled back at him as he pulled over into a wooded area where the SUV would be mostly concealed from traffic going by.

“You ready to suck some cock?” He smirked at me.

“Yes sir,” I nodded.

“Do you want a mouthful of my cum so you can taste me all day, cocksucker?” He asked, using my hand to rub himself.

“Yes.” I replied. “I want a mouthful of your jizz. I want to swallow all of you.”

“I don’t think you’ll do a good enough job.” He shook his head, acting disappointed. “That means you’ll have to try again after school. You’ll have to suck me off _a lot_ to make sure you get it right.”

“I do need to practice, sir.” I agreed eagerly. “You have to train me to please you the way you deserve.”

“That’s right.” He groaned as he pushed my hand against him. “But I don’t think that’s enough.”

I just looked at him.

“When you head to lunch, meet me in the west annex bathroom.” He cocked an eyebrow at me. “I think I need to punish you more. I don’t want you thinking that I’m being easy on you.”

I swallowed hard and nodded, my cock twitching in my pants.

“Good.” He smiled, then grabbed the back of my head. “Now get my cock out and suck it.”

Chan shoved my head into his crotch, and my hands went to his zipper.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tysm for reading everyone! hope you enjoy this chapter with a lot of soft chan lol

The West Annex bathrooms were always deserted during lunch time at our high school. Mostly because the West Annex hadn’t been used for any classes for the whole school year. Renovations were being done to this section of the school under the expectation that the following year the theater, music, and arts programs would expand and need the space. No, our high school wasn’t turning into something out of the television show Glee or anything, but attendance was growing, the school was getting more money, and there was more money to be allocated to the elective programs in the following year.

Sports and academics were getting the bulk of the money, if anyone thought that our town was getting a little too “liberal,” though. The football stadium was getting a major overhaul, so no one could shout too loudly about things like choir, band, and art having the monies being funneled to them. I was just sad when I considered that this was going to happen _after_ I graduated from the place. Not that I was in choir or band or art—I had only taken art in freshman year—but it would be nice to see more focus on the arts instead of sports.

Chan was sitting on the counter of the deathly quiet bathroom. The lights didn’t work, so the light that managed to come through the windows near the ceiling made everything dark and murky. But I could see enough to look into my _“bully’s”_ eyes as he sat there, smiling. Chan’s mouth hadn’t stopped moving since I had entered the bathroom to find him sitting there. When he wasn’t talking, he was smiling, flashing me his pearly whites.

Honestly, I thought that when Chan had told me to meet him in the West Annex bathrooms, he was going to shove me to my knees and make me suck him off. Or he’d pull my pants down and slide his cock between my ass cheeks, back and forth until he came again. Instead, He had said _“hey”_ and asked me how my morning had gone. Then he had proceeded to tell me about his first few classes, how he thought he did on a test, and how he didn’t really want to go to football practice after school. It was confusing… but not in a bad way. It just wasn’t what I had expected.

I sat on the counter next to him, listening and smiling, responding as was appropriate, sharing my thoughts, and watching his lips as he talked. Chan was animated and happy, looking as though he’d rather be in the bathroom talking to me than anywhere else in the world. Halfway through the lunch hour, he hopped off the sink to go into one of the stalls, and I thought _‘this is it; he’s going to let me blow him.’_ Chan just talked to me while he used the bathroom, washed his hands, and jumped back up on the counter to sit and talk some more.

As our lunch time was coming to a close, Chan still hadn’t given any indication that he planned to do anything sexual with me. Instead, in the last five minutes of our lunch, he led me out of the bathroom, still talking animatedly, acting as if it never crossed his mind to make me perform sexual favors for him in the abandoned wing of the school. When we got to the tarped off area that led into the other parts of the school, Chan turned to me with a bashful look on his face.

“So, I was hoping you’d come watch me practice after school.” Chan looked down for a second as he asked, then looked back up with a grin.

I looked at him for a moment.

“You did drive me to school.” I shrugged. “I guess I’ll have to wait for you to finish practice to give me a ride home.”

Chan smiled.

“So, you’ll come watch?”

I nodded.

The smile on his face grew wider as we turned and headed back into the main part of the school. I grinned along with him as we made our way to the main hallway of the school and parted ways, promising to see each other after school near the football field. When Chan had turned away and headed for the science wing, I turned towards the English wing, my smile quickly replaced with a frown.

-

Sure, it was September, but that didn’t mean fall weather was anywhere around the corner. The sun was blaring down on the bleachers in the football stadium. As soon as I sat down, my ass was on fire. But I decided to be tough and deal with third-degree burns on my ass as I sat and watched Chan practice. At first, I didn’t see him on the field, but eventually, he came running out, geared up, his fingers entwined in the faceguard of the helmet dangling at his side.

When Chan reached the side field where all of the players and the coach were assembling for a moment, he looked up at the bleachers, searching, spotted me, and gave a quick smile and wink before turning his attention back to his coach. I had given him a smile back before looking around, noticing that several students were actually in the bleachers. Many of them were girls, obviously there to cheer on their boyfriends, and others were friends and other students, some just watching, some waiting, some doing homework on their laps as the players began to practice.

I couldn’t help but feel that all of the students in the bleachers were waiting for a ride or to congratulate a friend or boyfriend. No one would be doing homework in the open stadium in this heat unless it was absolutely necessary. About half of the waiting students paid close attention to the practice, cheering on the players they were there to watch, and the other half kept their heads in their books. At first, I tried to pay attention to the practice—but I’m not excited by actual games, so practices were even more boring. I reached into my backpack and pulled out my math homework.

The coach’s whistle sounded numerous times, there were cheers, grunts and growls, and hollers from the players, but I managed to keep my mind on the homework. It was the only bit that I hadn’t finished before school was done for the day, so I figured if I could get it done, I would be able to relax once I got home. Practice only lasted an hour-and-a-half, but by the time I heard the coach blow his whistle for the final time and round the players up to give them a last talk, I was ready to go.

Somehow, I had managed to look up at the right moment several times throughout the practice to see Chan make some amazing plays. And when I looked up to see the guys circling the coach, he caught my eye again with another head nod, followed by a wink and a grin. I smiled back. Unlike the girlfriends and other friends of other players, I kept a low profile. Letting the other players know that Chan and I were _friendly_ would not be beneficial to him. Not that I’m a nerd or loser, but I’m not like _them._

The coach told all the guys to get lost, and Chan held a finger up to me, letting me know it would just be a minute while he changed out of his gear. I motioned that I’d be waiting in the parking lot. I didn’t see the point of sitting on the hot bleachers directly under the sun any longer than I already had. Not that I’m a strictly indoors kind of guy, but nearly two consecutive hours in the sun was more than I’d experienced in a while.

“Hey.” Chan smiled broadly when he walked up, finding me leaning against his car.

I smiled back.

“Did you enjoy it?” He asked, stopping to stand directly in front of me.

“Yeah, man,” I replied. “It was great. All the…football…catches…throws…tackles…it was awesome.”

Chan leaned his head back and brayed loudly.

“Was I that obvious?” I chuckled as he laughed at me.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “The math book in your lap was a dead giveaway. Only someone who is not having fun would resort to math homework.”

I shrugged.

“Well, I figured while I had the time…”

Chan looked around and leaned in conspiratorially.

“Did I at least look hot in my uniform?” He waggled his eyebrows at me.

“Oh, yeah.” I chuckled.

Chan winked, leaning in closer, then a look crossed his face, and he stood up straight again, laughing at absolutely nothing. He reached into the front hip pocket of his jeans and his car beeped behind me. Without being prompted, I climbed into the passenger seat as Chan ran around and got into the driver’s seat of his car. He fastened his seatbelt and started the car, the frigid A/C a respite from the last few hours.

“Well, were you so bored that you don’t want to watch tomorrow after school?” Chan smiled, but it looked worried. “I mean, you can always bring your car to school if, ya’ know…”

I smiled at him. “No. I like waiting for you.”

Chan grinned even wider as he stared into my eyes, looking completely chuffed by my admission.

“Besides,” I shrugged, “there are worse things I could be doing than watching you run around in skin-tight pants.”

Chan laughed loudly again and threw the car into gear.

“Just keep that in mind if you ever get super bored with waiting after school one day.” He smirked. “At least you get to see me in my football uniform.”

“Of course.” I nodded.

Chan pulled out of the parking lot and steered us towards my house.

-

Confusion. That’s all I could feel as I paced in my bedroom from the end of the bed to the computer desk and back. Chan had driven me home, shooting rapid-fire questions at me about myself. What I liked to do, my family, my hobbies, movies I liked, music, on and on and on. When we pulled up into my driveway, he left the car running and turned in his seat and continued to talk to me for the next fifteen minutes.

After that length of time, and not one mention of anything sexual, I smiled and told him that I had to get inside or my mom would start a search party. Chan laughed, said: _“okay,”_ and then asked me if it was okay to pick me up at seven again the following morning. I smiled, thinking of what we had done that morning after he had picked me up, and said that it was a good time. Chan waited in the driveway until I was walking into the house, then honked and waved before driving off. I waved back and went inside.

Since then, I had been in my room, wondering: _“What the actual fuck?”_ Chan had me sit for almost two hours in the heat to watch him practice for football and not once before or after had he tried to take advantage of me. He hadn’t even so much as made me grope him in the bathroom during lunch. What kind of game was this jerkwad playing? I thought we had a pretty clear understanding of what was going to happen when we were actually alone together?

_Ding!_

I jumped as my phone chimed at me. Sighing, I went to retrieve my phone from my bed, figuring that it was one of my friends texting me. When I saw who was sending me a text, I frowned. Was he trying to torture me?

**Chan:** hey :)

**Me:** what’s up?

**Chan:** i like going to school together

**Me:** it’s nice having someone take me

**Chan:** lol I know you really hated football practice

**Me:** nah it was cool

**Chan:** you hated it lol but thank you for acting like you don’t

**Me:** anytime

**Chan:** can i call you tonight before bed?

**Me:** yeah i’ll be around. i always am lol

**Chan:** i like you being around ;)

I frowned down at my phone. What the fuck was going on with this Adonis-like jock who was supposed to be a gay-hating bully? Not that I ever really thought that Chan was like that. I mean, yeah, I thought he was a major dick and a bully at one time, but I didn’t truly believe that he was a bad guy through and through. But once we started doing…whatever it was we were doing…I thought we understood each other.

He’s a _bully_ and I’m a _fag._

That’s how it works.

That’s how we like it.

Those are our roles.

Right?

_Right?!_

Throwing myself down on my bed, I suddenly felt exhausted from the long day of trying to figure out what the hell was going on with Chan. The time in the heat and working up a slight sheen of sweat after school had made me exhausted. Everything was confusing and tiring and…odd. I didn’t know what to make of Chan and his sudden disinterest in behaving the way we had for the last few days. Why had things changed suddenly?

-

It was dark outside, my room was pitch black when I was suddenly awoken. Still laying on my back on the bed, my eyes flicked open to see the ceiling above me, shrouded in shadows. My ears were trying to figure out where the sound was coming from, but my brain couldn’t catch up. When I finally shook the sleep fog out of my brain and realized that my cell phone had been ringing, it had stopped again. I rolled over and grabbed my phone, holding it above my face as I stared blearily up at it.

It was only nine o’clock.

_Chan_

_Missed Call_

I sighed, contemplating calling him back. Before I could make up my mind, my phone began ringing again, vibrating within my hand. It was Chan again. I slid my thumb across the screen and brought the phone to my ear.

“So, you won’t pick up unless I harass you, huh?” Chan teasingly accused me as a form of greeting.

“Sorry,” I replied, rubbing my eyes with my free hand. “I fell asleep and didn’t even know it.”

“Oh, shit. Sorry.” He sounded embarrassed. “I should’ve just left a message or something.”

“It’s cool.” I chuckled. “What’s up?”

Suddenly, my stomach growled loudly up at me. It occurred to me that I hadn’t eaten lunch since Chan and I had spent our lunch break in the bathroom talking. And I didn’t eat dinner when I got home. Mom worked a half night on Mondays. If she had been home, we would’ve had dinner together, and I wouldn’t have forgotten. I rubbed my stomach with one hand as I held my phone to my ear with the other.

“I don’t really know.” Chan gave a nervous laugh. “Just calling to talk, I guess.”

“Well, that’s as good a reason as any.” I chuckled. “What do you want to talk about?”

Chan didn’t respond.

“You there?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Chan replied suddenly. “I’m here, Jisung.”

“So…?”

“Sorry. I’m not great at this.”

A nervous chuckle followed that.

“At what?” I asked, finally sitting up in bed.

What exactly did he mean by _“I’m not great at this?”_

“Talking on the phone,” Chan replied. “I don’t really…I don’t like talking on the phone.”

I laughed loudly.

“What?” He laughed with me.

“Then why did you call?” I prompted.

Another pause.

“See, when two people are having a phone conversation, one party says something, then the other party…responds,” I stated evenly. “You don’t have to say _‘over’_ or _‘stop’_ or anything.”

Chan laughed.

“I didn’t mean that like it sounded.” Chan began, sounding frustrated with himself. “I just meant that I’ve never had anybody that I wanted to talk to on the phone before. All of my friends are boring and talk about shit that no one really cares about. Their texts aren’t much better. I actually don’t use my phone for much besides music, games, Kindle, and Goodreads.”

“Kindle and Goodreads?” I asked in a skeptical voice to match my internal doubts.

“Yeah,” Chan stated defensively, but not without mirth. “I like books. I know that’s unexpected and all. But I do.”

“It’s unexpected in a pleasant way,” I replied with a genuine smile. “So, what are you reading now?”

“The Graveyard Book. Neil Gaiman.” Chan responded.

Whether or not I wanted to admit it—which I would never have done out loud—I had expected Chan to respond differently. Maybe a sports novel, or something about superheroes even. Maybe something full of sex and violence. Chan was full of surprises.

“Have you ever read it?” He asked so shyly that I wanted to laugh.

That probably wouldn’t have emboldened him to continue sharing, though, so I merely smiled.

“Yeah.” I nodded to myself. “I’ve read it. A couple of times. Not on Kindle, but from the library and then my own copy when I bought it. It’s kind of worn out.”

“I’ve read it at least a dozen times,” Chan replied hurriedly in a tone that spotlighted his relief. “I mean, it’s not my absolute favorite Gaiman book or favorite book in general—but it’s a good one.”

“So, what’s your absolute favorite?” I asked, pulling my legs up to sit lotus style on my bed. “Of all time?”

There was a long, pregnant pause.

“It’s not that big of a question—'

“Interview with the Vampire,” Chan answered quickly.

I frowned to myself.

“That sounds like a lie,” I stated evenly.

Chan sighed and mumbled something.

“Huh?”

“Water for Elephants, okay?” He sounded embarrassed. “It’s the favorite that came to mind.”

I smiled broadly instead of speaking.

“Oh, fuck you, Jisung.” He laughed nervously at the silence.

“I love that book,” I responded, genuinely.

Chan didn’t say anything for several moments, and I just waited.

“Have you ever read A Thousand Splendid Suns?”

And that’s how it began. Our hour-long conversation about books that we both loved, many of which we had in common. Within that hour, I had pulled a pen and scrap piece of paper out of my backpack and jotted down at least a dozen titles that Chan had talked about. I could hear him scribbling down titles on his end when I talked about books, too.

“I guess I don’t hate talking on the phone.” Chan laughed as our book conversation wound down, though we probably could’ve talked until morning about the subject.

“Maybe you just needed someone really interesting to talk to.” I teased.

“Stop patting your own back, dude.” Chan laughed. “Do I need to let you go? I hope your mom doesn’t get pissed if you’re on your phone late.”

I shrugged to my empty room. “It’s not that late. And my mom works until midnight on Mondays. I was thinking about getting some dinner finally before I go back to bed.”

“What are you going to eat?” Chan asked as if any information about myself that I could provide was utterly fascinating.

“Anything that doesn’t require work.” I chuckled. “I’m sure mom left a casserole or something in the fridge, though, so I should have an easy meal ahead of me.”

“Does your mom know you’re gay?” Chan asked suddenly.

The question suddenly drew out a tense moment in the technological expanse between us.

“Yes,” I stated simply.

“Seriously?”

“Yes.”

“And… she’s cool with you being… gay?” He asked gently.

“Yeah.” I shrugged again, tension letting itself out of my shoulders. “She doesn’t really care at all. I mean, she’s a nurse, she deals with all walks of life every single day, minute to minute. People are just people to her, I guess.”

Chan was silent again.

“What?”

“That’s just really cool, man,” Chan stated finally.

“She’s kind of a great mom.” I sighed, stretching my legs off of the bed until my feet touched the floor. “Embarrassing, of course—but still great.”

Chan laughed.

“Look… I wanted to talk to you about today.” Chan mumbled. “About… earlier.”

“What do you mean?”

“Football practice.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry if it was really boring.” He explained. “It was just nice to have a…friend…come watch. I’m, like, the only guy who never has anyone come watch practices or come cheer at the games.”

I wanted to ask if his parents didn’t come to his games, but I figured that was not something he wanted to discuss.

“So, I guess I’m saying… _’thank you’_ for coming to watch.” He stated lowly, hurriedly. “It was really cool of you and all, that’s all.”

“Anything,” I stated evenly. “Anytime.”

“Oh, yeah?” I could hear the sly grin forming on his face.

“I think I’ve made that clear.” I got sly right back.

“Yes,” Chan replied breathily. “You’ve made it very clear. Very well.”

I felt a twitch in my crotch at the sound of the words that came out of Chan’s mouth.

“Anytime.” I sighed back.

Chan was silent for a long time.

“Are you still there?” I finally laughed.

“Yeah. Sorry.” He chuckled. “I guess it’s just getting late, man. I better…get to bed. Seven?”

“Yeah. Sure.” I frowned but tried to keep my voice bland.

“Cool.” He replied cheerfully. “See you in the morning. Um, sleep well and goodnight.”

“’Night,” I replied

Then there was just silence. I didn’t eat dinner.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! i hope you're all doing well with everything that's been going on in the world.... please stay safe but definitely stand up for what's right! love & appreciate you xo

Chan was smiling at me as I climbed into his car the next morning, tossing my backpack into the backseat as I did so. Once I had clicked my seatbelt around me, Chan pulled out of the driveway, taking us to school. He talked ninety to nothing as he drove, expertly steering through traffic. I listened intently, itching to get to the turnoff where he would smirk at me and pull my head into his crotch again.

It had been too long since Chan had taken his cock out and used me to get off and I was itching to have it happen again. Today. Within minutes. However, when we got to the part of the journey where Chan should have turned, he kept driving towards school, chatting away as he did so. I tried not to pout like a dog denied its bone—no pun intended. Chan seemed to not pick up on my disappointment.

Right then and there, I told myself that the next morning I would drive myself to school.

Instead of going straight to school, Chan stopped at the drive-thru of a local coffee shop and bought us both a coffee. We had plenty of time before school started since we apparently weren’t going to fool around with our spare time. When we got to school, Chan parked in the parking lot and turned in his seat again, sipping his coffee as he talked and I mostly listened. By the time that it was getting close to going into the building, I was coming out of my skin, wondering what was going on.

“Are we going to meet in the West Annex again today?” Chan asked in a chipper tone

“Yeah.” I shrugged as we walked towards the school. “I guess so.”

“Well, don’t sound too excited.” Chan laughed.

“Whatever.” I shrugged and rushed ahead to get to my first class.

I could practically feel Chan staring at my back as I hurried away.

-

When lunch came, instead of heading to the West Annex bathrooms, I joined my friends at the lunch table that we normally sat at during the break. I actually got a lunch and sat down and ate, joining my friends’ conversations and jokes instead of going to meet Chan. Something was going on with him, and I wasn’t sure what it was, but I was getting tired of him being so circumspect about whatever he was thinking. I just didn’t want to deal with it.

It dawned on me as I sat down to lunch that not meeting Chan at the bathrooms meant that I wasn’t planning to go watch him at football practice, either. There was no point in doing everything he asked me to do if he was going to act like the things we’d been doing had never happened. It was just weird and, I hated to admit it, cruel. How could he do those things with me, both of us enjoying them so much, and then just stop?

My friend Seungmin agreed that he could take me home after school. He was curious about what happened to my car, so I just told him that I rode with another friend and they couldn’t give me a ride home. Luckily, Seungmin wasn’t the prying type, so he thought nothing of the strange and unlikely excuse that I provided. Ten minutes into lunch, I felt a presence. When I looked over at my friends sitting across the table from me, I saw that their eyes had grown wide. I rolled my eyes and turned halfway on my bench to look behind me. As suspected, Chan was standing there, looking confused.

“Hey.” I gave a sharp upward nod of my head and turned back around.

My friends stared at Chan, then me, then back at Chan. This went on for several uncomfortable and embarrassing moments.

“You got a minute, Jisung?” Chan asked from behind me.

“Not right now,” I replied without turning my head before taking a bite of the subpar burger on my tray. “Text me later.”

My friends all seemed to be swallowing lumps of fear in their throats. One thing to know—my friends aren’t nerds or ever seriously picked on by football players. But if a football player approaches our table during lunch, we always expect something horrible. With the way that I was talking to Chan, all of my friends were even more worried. Reasonably so, I supposed.

I could tell that Chan stood there for a few moments longer from the way that my friends kept watching over my shoulder. Eventually, however, their eyes drifted back to me, and everyone began eating and talking again. My friends all gave me sideways looks throughout the rest of lunch, though. Once I had finished my food, I ended up getting up, putting my tray away and leaving the cafeteria, just so I wouldn’t have to deal with anymore awkwardness.

Fortunately, I didn’t have any classes with Chan in my school day, so once lunch was over, I only had to worry about passing him in the halls. That rarely happened, however, since our classes were so different. And, as per usual, I didn’t see Chan the rest of the day. When the final bell rang, I rushed to the parking lot with Seungmin, jumped in his car, and let him drive me home. Once I was safely inside my own house, I felt tension let out of my shoulders that I hadn’t known had been there all day.

Mom was in the kitchen, banging around.

“What are you doing?” I asked as cheerfully as possible as I entered the kitchen and found her digging in the fridge.

When the door closed and she stood, I noticed that she was in her scrubs, holding a cup of coffee.

“Are you going to work?” I rolled my eyes.

“I’m sorry, honey.” My mom tried to give me a smile.

“Shawna’s youngest has got chicken pox,” She began, “Linda and I are splitting her shift to help her out. I won’t be gone all night.”

“Okay.” I shrugged and plopped down in a kitchen chair.

My mom’s shoulders slumped, and she frowned, looking chastened for taking on more work. I immediately felt bad. She was a single parent. She had to provide. She had to work. She had to keep her nursing job because it paid enough money to provide for us and pay all of our bills. I was just not wanting to be alone.

“I really am sorry, Sungie.” My mom said.

“I know.” I waved her off with a smile. “I’m sorry, too. I just…well, I thought we’d have dinner together and all.”

“I made you some dinner.” She offered with a small smile. “It’s in the fridge.”

“Okay.”

She looked at me for a moment, then came over and sat down next to me at the table.

“How about this?” She stated excitedly. “Thursday, as soon as you get home, we’ll go have greasy Chinese food and go see a movie? Your choice. I won’t even try to blackmail you into seeing a romantic comedy.”

“I like romantic comedies.” I chuckled.

“Oh, yeah.” She cocked an eyebrow. “Well, then we won’t see a horror movie like I like.”

I laughed.

“Okay.” I conceded. “It’s a deal.”

Mom stood and ruffled my hair before planting a kiss on the top of my head.

“All right.” She agreed. “Deal. I’m going to get, but make sure you eat good tonight. You’re looking a little scrawny.”

I looked up at my mom. She watched me for a moment as a frown slowly formed on her face.

“What is it, baby?” She cocked her head to the side.

_I lost my virginity, mom. Kind of._

“Nothing.” I gave a weak smile. “Just miss you. That’s all.”

She smiled again.

“Thursday, mister.” She pointed a finger in my face. “You’ll be sorry you said that. You won’t want to hang with your momma for a while after Thursday.”

“Sounds great, actually.” I laughed.

Then mom was gone.

-

I was sitting in the living room, doing my chemistry homework on the coffee table, the leftover food on the plate next to my book getting cold. When the doorbell rang, my head was so full of chemistry and questions that I simply stood from the couch and went directly to the door, swinging it wide. Chan stood there on the porch, his hands in his pockets, looking down at his feet. I kept my face blank and impassive as I looked at him.

“Yeah?” I asked evenly.

“You didn’t come to football practice, man.” He looked like a kicked dog as he stood there.

“A friend brought me home.”

“Well,” Chan began, “I thought you said you’d come watch practices and…stuff.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that.

“What’s going on here?” I asked, a frown blooming on my face.

Chan looked up.

“What do you mean?” Chan frowned back.

“Like, you…” I started to stammer, “you know what I’m talking about, Chan.”

He just looked at me.

“I mean, you’d see me tomorrow night at work.” I shrugged. “You didn’t have to come here. To my house.”

“You said I could come over anytime.” He countered.

“Well…”

He waited.

“I meant like if you ask first and stuff.”

“What’s wrong with you, man?” Chan’s brow furrowed. “I mean, are you going to invite me in, or…”

I sighed. I really did debate whether or not I would invite Chan into my house. Finally, I realized that he’d already been in my house before, so I just swung the door wide and held an arm out towards the living room. Chan wiped his feet on the doormat and entered. I closed the door behind him. Chan sauntered over to the sofa and sat down without being asked.

“Look,” Chan sighed as he sat there, “I…I mean…”

I waited.

“I don’t know what I did to make you mad at me, man.” Chan’s eyes pleaded with me. “I thought things were fine when I picked you up this morning.”

One thing to know about me—I’m not a confrontational person usually. I’m not super straightforward about things like this. But my mind was yelling at me to just get things out there.

“Why are you suddenly acting different, Chan?” I frowned, sitting down in the easy chair next to the couch, looking him in his eyes.

“Huh?” His face turned red.

“I can tell by your beet-like hue that you are not confused.” I cocked an eyebrow at him.

Chan looked down at his lap, studying some imaginary object.

“Yesterday, in the bathroom. Yesterday when you drove me home. This morning…it’s like you…went back on our deal.”

Chan looked up at me. “I don’t think you’re only good for that.”

“Huh?” I was confused.

“I don’t want you to think that I only care about getting off.” Chan sighed. “You don’t deserve to be treated like that. You’re my…friend and all. I don’t want you to feel disrespected.”

We both grew silent. And it hung there—the silence.

“Maybe you didn’t consider that Friday night behind Barrows?” I finally broke the quiet.

Chan blushed so deeply he looked like a tomato.

“I mean…if you didn’t want to do stuff, if it got too weird…if you regretted it…you just had to say so.” I shrugged. “You don’t have to keep playing at being my friend if you’re done with all that. I won’t get offended. Not if you’re being honest about it.”

“I’m not pretending to be your friend,” Chan stated, obviously offended.

“Then why’d you stop?”

“I told you,” Chan repeated. “I felt like I was using you.”

I considered this for a moment.

“I didn’t feel I was being used.”

Chan just watched me.

“Well, maybe I did.” I relented. “But maybe I liked it.”

The corner of Chan’s mouth curled up just slightly enough that I could see a change in his facial expression.

“Do you think,” Chan asked lowly, “that…that I’m just a dick? I mean, do you even like being around me otherwise?”

“Of course, I think you’re more than just a dick.” I couldn’t help but laugh. “I mean, we had a whole phone conversation just about books last night, man.”

Chan smiled at the memory of our conversation and then looked down at his lap once again.

“But I don’t know why you stopped also being a dick.” I couldn’t help but laugh at that statement. It was ridiculous.

Chan laughed, too.

“So, that’s all,” I replied, sinking into the chair.

We sat in silence for a moment as I sat back in the chair, looking at Chan, as he looked down at his lap, having an internal struggle with himself.

“I only want you to…do things…if you want to.” Chan stated, finally looking me in the eyes. “Making you do those things isn’t cool.”

“You never made me do anything, Chan.” I shook my head with a grin. “I mean, we can act like Friday night behind Barrows was something different, but as soon as you caught up to me outside, and maybe I didn’t realize it immediately, but I had been waiting for that. You know what I mean?”

Chan nodded slowly, measuredly.

“Yes.” He stated in a breathy tone. “God, it was a long time.”

I frowned. Chan smiled at my expression.

“I knew you liked cock, man.” Chan shook his head. “From the moment I saw you at Barrows. I’d never really noticed you much at school before. But as soon as I saw you at Barrows, I wanted to…have you do things to me.”

Suddenly, I felt myself rise from the chair and move over to in front of Chan on the couch. I knelt down in front of him, not touching him, just kneeling rigidly in front of him.

“What things?” I asked, staring into his eyes.

Chan smirked.

“Did you want to have me do things, or _make_ me do things?” I asked.

“Make you.” He responded lowly, breathily. “But I also wanted you to want to do them. I wanted you to worship me. Worship this.”

Chan squeezed his crotch.

“I want to.” I nodded slowly. “I do.”

“Oh, yeah?” He began rubbing himself as I knelt there, looking him in the eyes.

“Yes.” I breathed out as I spoke, almost a hiss.

“But it’s not just this, right?” Chan frowned for a second. “It’s more than that, right?”

I really didn’t know what that meant. At all. But I wasn’t going to start a deeper conversation—or an argument—I wanted what Chan and I had back then—whatever that was.

“Yes.” I nodded. “ _Sir_.”

“You’re going to be my freak in the sheets.” Chan was rubbing himself harder through his basketball shorts. “And… friend in the streets? Like, seriously?”

“Anything for you, sir.” I waggled my eyebrows.

“But do you want that?” Chan’s hand slowed, stalling in its rubbing of his bulge.

“More than anything.” I sighed lustfully, letting my eyes drop to his bulge, cupped in his masculine, veined hand.

“Look at me, Jisung.” Chan’s voice was throaty, raspy.

I looked him in the eyes.

“Answer one question before anything else.” He squeezed himself again. “Before I give…make you take this.”

“Anything.” I could feel my erection rubbing against my zipper.

“This is all in. The whole shebang.” He stared me down. “Everything or nothing. Deal?”

I really didn’t know what that meant.

I didn’t care.

“Absolutely.” I gave a single, affirmative nod.

“Okay.” Chan gave a salacious grin as we stared at each other.

We stayed there, me kneeling rigidly in front of him, moving my hips slightly to move my erection against the front of my pants. Chan rubbing his bulge in front of me.

“My mom is gone until midnight again,” I suggested. “You’re in charge, sir.”

Chan stared at me a moment longer. He raised one foot between us.

“Take that shoe off.” He commanded lowly but firmly.

I stripped his shoe off, then his sock.

“Now that one.” Chan held up his other foot.

Mimicking the action, his other foot was now bare.

“Now what, sir?” I asked.

Chan didn’t answer. Not verbally. He raised his foot to my crotch and rubbed from the base of my crotch to the top, his foot rubbing along my jeans covered erection. I couldn’t help myself. I groaned. My body shuddered spastically, involuntarily.

His foot rubbed up and down against me, then he put the bottom of his foot against my crotch and rubbed gently but firmly against me, teasing my cock with his foot. I stayed in position, letting him tease me with his foot as my body reacted to his touch.

“Unzip your pants, Jisung,” Chan commanded as he pulled his foot away.

Without thinking, I unzipped my pants quickly, desperately.

“Take out your cock.” Chan’s voice was hoarse, desperate.

I pulled my cock through the fly of my underwear and then through the fly in my jeans. It stuck out straight in front of me, the head shiny with precum. Chan kept his eyes on mine for a moment longer before looking down at my cock sticking out of my pants. His foot rose again and ran along the length of me again. My cock oozed precum onto the top of his foot. I immediately looked up at him. He didn’t even flinch or looked disgusted. His foot rubbed against me again.

“Stand up.” Chan gazed into my eyes, a look of rabid desperation filling his face.

I quickly stood up, my cock sticking out towards him.

“Drop your pants.”

Before I could think, I had unbuttoned my pants and pushed my jeans and underwear to my ankles and stepped out of them.

“Come here.” Chan hooked a finger at me, gesturing for me to move towards him.

Tentatively, but still obeying, I moved forward, my shirt the only bit of clothing covering any bit of my body.

“Come here,” Chan ordered firmly, grabbing ahold of my left wrist, pulling me towards him.

I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to do, but when he placed a hand against my waist and moved me into position into his lap, bending me over until I was laying across his lap, my cock actually sliding down between his thighs, I thought I’d lose my mind. I had to put my hands on the ground beneath me to keep myself balanced on his lap.

“Tell me that I’m the only guy who’s good enough for you.” Chan bent to breathe into my ear. “The only guy you want to use you like this.”

“You’re the only man good enough for me.” I was breathing heavy. “Your cock is the only cock I want. You’re the only guy I want to do these things to me.”

The slap against my ass was immediate and painful. And it pushed my cock deeper into his thighs, fucking them.

_Pleasure. Intense pleasure._

“Do you know that you deserve this, Jisung?” Chan spoke in the same hoarse voice as the same hand massaged the cheek he had slapped.

“Oh, my God,” I grunted in intense pain and pleasure. A delicious mix of feelings. “Yes, sir. I deserve this.”

“Why do you deserve this?” He squeezed his thighs tighter around my cock. “Do you know why you deserve this?”

“Yes.” I responded, groaning as the sensation to my cock became unbearably intense.

Another slap. My body jerked, making my cock slide out of and back into the sleeve created by his muscular thighs.

“Why, Jisung?” He was squeezing and massaging my ass cheek again. “Why do you deserve this?”

“For not talking to you today.” I gasped. “For being rude to you.”

Another slap. Then another. My cock slid out of and into the sleeve of his thighs again. I screamed out in pleasure and pain.

“You want me to punish you when you’re bad, right?” Chan asked throatily as he squeezed and massaged my ass.

“Yessir.” I groaned pathetically.

Five slaps in succession were delivered to my ass, to alternating ass cheeks, my cock fucking his thighs in time. I could feel myself on the edge of an intense orgasm as Chan squeezed and massaged my ass cheeks again.

“Do you want me to make you cum, Jisung?” He bent down to whisper before letting his tongue slide up the back of my ear.

“Please, sir. Please make me cum. I’ll do anything.”

Chan didn’t hesitate. He slapped my ass. My cock slid out and back in. Another slap. Another thrust of my hips. Another slap. And then my cock spewed between his thighs on the next thrust of my hips. Chan spanked me several more times as I ejaculated between his muscular thighs—but I couldn’t feel them. All I could concentrate on was my cock spasming between his thighs, the heavenly mix of pleasure and pain as I unloaded. I felt like I blacked out, but when I finally came back to myself, Chan was massaging my ass, which was surely red and covered in handprints.

“I think you may have made a mess, Jisung.” Chan’s voice was still hoarse and full of desperation as he rubbed my ass.

“I’m sorry, sir.” I breathed out raggedly.

“Don’t be.” His hand ran from my ass up to my back, rubbing it gently. “You’re about to make it up to me.”

-

Chan had made me strip my shirt off and leave it in the living room, then followed my naked form up the stairs to my room. We were standing in my room, me naked, embarrassed, trying not to be, and still mostly hard as Chan stood before me, fully clothed, his erection tenting out the front of his basketball shorts. Chan stroked himself idly through his basketball shorts as he stared at me, his eyes half-lidded.

“I like looking at you like this.” He stated lowly.

I gave a nervous laugh, blushing as I stood before him.

“I want to do so many things to you, Jisung.” He growled at me.

I looked him in the eyes. “Then do them.”

This was an open invitation that I hadn’t known that I wanted to extend to Chan. When I had told him to “do them,” I would have done anything he had told me to do. Participated in any sexual act that he could conjure. If he had told me to turn around and bend over and then proceeded to enter me without lube—really take my virginity, I would’ve allowed it.

Chan closed his eyes and groaned as he stroked himself.

“I belong to you,” I stated firmly.

Chan groaned wildly, and before I knew it, he had pushed me onto my bed and turned my body to where my head was hanging off the end. Then his cock was in my throat. It felt like he had bypassed my mouth and just directly entered my throat. I hadn’t even seen him pull the waistband of his shorts down to let his cock out. But he obviously had, because his balls were against my nose and his pubes were on my chin, and his cockhead was buried deep down my throat.

Deeper than it ever felt before.

I knew this would not last long enough to make me happy. I had waited for a day-and-a-half to have him back in my mouth. But Chan was wild. He was pumping into my throat like a madman. Like someone who had not gotten off in weeks. Before I knew what was happening, he was screaming out in pleasure, and he was continuing to thrust as his cock shot rope after rope of cum down my throat.

It was like he timed his thrusts perfectly with the pulses of his cock, he’d pull out, nothing, thrust in, a shot of cum. This went on for several seconds before he slowed down, almost collapsing on top of me, his cock buried down my throat. For several seconds, he just held himself deep in my throat, his cock blocking off my airway. He started to go soft, but not quickly enough. I finally had to tap him on the side to indicate that I needed air.

Chan moaned with satisfaction as he slid out of my throat, the top of his cock brushing against my tongue the whole way out of me. I gave his cockhead a quick suck as it reached the opening of my mouth, drawing another appreciative moan from Chan. When he was finally out of my mouth completely, he stood at the end of the bed, looking down at me with a smile that said everything that needed to be said.

I rolled over and sat up at the end of the bed, his deflating cock at chest level. Chan looked down at me, his eyes languid and tired, his body wobbly in front of me, as if his knees no longer wanted to hold him up. Somehow, he found the strength to stay upright in front of me. I leaned forward and placed a kiss on the head of his cock, my eyes never leaving his.

“Do I taste good?” He whispered with a smile.

“I love your taste,” I replied with my own smile.

Chan got a look on his face, one that I had never seen before, as though he were suddenly unsure of himself. Before I could react, he had bent down and put his mouth over mine. It wasn’t quite a kiss, but it wasn’t not a kiss. He was tentative at first, our lips merely playing along each other’s, but then his tongue slid slowly into my mouth. He was exploring the taste of himself on my tongue and lips, relishing in this taboo act.

Finally, though it felt like he didn’t want to, Chan pulled away, licking his lips, a half-smile on his face as he looked down at me again. I licked my lips as well, no longer trying just to memorize the taste of his cock and cum, but also of his mouth. The feeling of his cock inside my mouth was replaced with the feeling of his tongue exploring me.

“That wasn’t a kiss.” He cocked an eyebrow, as though castigating me, warning me.

“No, sir.” I shook my head vehemently, agreeing.

“If kissing does happen, it’s because I want to taste myself on you.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “Nothing more.”

“I agree.” I nodded.

Chan gave a sharp nod but still smiled, though it was guarded _. ‘Fuck it,’_ I thought.

“Do you…want…to taste yourself more?” I asked slowly. “Just to make sure you remember what you taste like? Nothing more?”

Chan jerked as if involuntary responses drove him towards my mouth, but he stopped himself, frowned, and recovered with a small smile.

“Not right now.” He shook his head.

I nodded, disappointed, but not wanting to push him further than he was comfortable with at the moment.

“Are you disappointed?” Worry clouded his face.

“Nope.” I shook my head.

I wasn’t very convincing. Chan searched my face for a moment, obviously wanting to make me happy, but not comfortable doing what I wanted right at that moment.

Chan looked to the side as he mumbled.

“Huh?” I asked.

“Take my shirt off of me.” He stated again, still looking away.

My eyes grew wide, but I stood. My cock slid against Chan’s just barely due to our height differences. His cock, so heavy and pendulous, it dropped low enough to rub against mine. I tentatively reached to Chan’s waist and grabbed the bottom of his shirt. Slowly, savoring it as his happy trail, his abs, and then his pecs were exposed, I pulled the shirt up. Chan raised his arms so that I could slip it off of him.

The last bit of sunlight was streaming through the blinds and caressed his milky skin in stripes, as if heralding the arrival of my new God. Chan’s head stayed to the side, his eyes still averted as I stared at his perfect torso. This wasn’t just sexual—this was something else. It was intimate. I let my eyes make love to his body as I took everything in. Chan stood there, still, quiet, letting me binge on his flesh.

“Now,” Chan spoke lowly, “take the rest off of me.”

I went slowly, so as to not scare him, but didn’t hesitate. I bent and took the waistband of his shorts and underwear in my fingers and slid them down to his ankles. Chan shyly stepped out of them, nudging them to the side with his foot. I stepped as far back as I could with the bed behind me. Chan stood there, looking away as I took in every inch of his naked body.

He was perfection.

“Please look at me.” My own voice was now hoarse.

Chan didn’t respond verbally, but he turned his head towards me and looked me in the eyes. I held his gaze for a moment, then let my eyes dance around his body as he watched me. I wanted him to see the appreciation on my face as I looked him over from head to toe. I wanted him to see how much I would only ever belong to him.

“Is…” He cleared his throat, “is my body okay?”

I looked back up at him with disbelief.

“Your body is like the sun personified.” I shook my head with a smile.

Chan gave a crooked smile, biting his bottom lip. Then he stepped around me to the bed, laying down on his back and scooting up to lay against the pillows. It was awkward, maybe his attempt at being overtly sexy, but he patted the bed next to him, telling me to join him.

I crawled onto the bed, moving up to Chan on my hands and knees until I was next to him, then laid down beside him. Our bare skin touched as I laid against him. Chan’s eyes closed languidly at the touch and then slid open slightly to look at me again. He let a hand briefly, and ever so gently, touch my chest and run across my pec. Then he gently wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him. I laid my head against his chest, feeling his flawless skin press against my face. Chan’s lips touched the top of my head as we lay there, my chest pressed to the side of his body.

What the fuck were we doing?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating this for 200 years but the love birds are back again yeehawww

What the fuck was going on with the dog food? I was stuck in the pet food aisle again, using my box cutter to pull the plastic shipping wrap off of pallets of dog food. Either the city was being overrun by a massive number of stray dogs, people were feeding their dogs too much, or there had been a huge pet adoption movement in the last week. Of course, no matter what the situation was that led to all of the dog food being bought out, I was going to have to restock the shelves.

With a sigh and a slight pre-restocking stretch of my back, I lifted the first 50-pound bag of dog food off of the first pallet. Heaving it with all of my might, I set it down on the top shelf, wondering why I had felt the need to get a job. I mean, my mom made enough money that my paycheck wasn’t paying any bills or anything… but she didn’t make enough to let me drive anywhere I wanted, go to the movies anytime I wanted, and all of those other little luxuries that we both enjoyed. Barrows Grocery Store solved that problem.

_Don’t be ungrateful, dickhead._ I thought to myself as I turned to lift up the next bag of dog food.

“There you are.” I heard Chan’s voice.

I stopped myself before grabbing the next bag and looked up to see him standing there, smiling at me.

“Here I am.” I smiled back.

It was Wednesday evening. Chan had brought us both to work after school since I had ridden with him to school again.

The previous night, Chan and I had laid naked together in my bed for a few hours, before it was more than prudent that he should leave. One, we didn’t want his parents to get pissed that he stayed out too late on a school night, and two, we didn’t want my mom to come home and find us sleeping naked in bed together. Sure, my mom knew I was gay, but I didn’t know how she’d handle finding me in bed with a guy with whom I’d just had a sexual encounter. With the little bit of time we had, Chan and I had just laid there. Him holding me gently, my hands roaming over his soft skin, trying to memorize every inch of his amazing body. It was like I thought I’d forget a detail about him as soon as he left and my brain was trying to stop that from happening.

Chan had picked me up in the morning at seven, just like we had planned, and we rode to school together. However, he didn’t stop to have me suck him off, which irritated me at first. Once we got to the coffee shop, he said he would explain in a bit. We each got an iced coffee, and he drove us to school as he talked about anything and everything that came to mind. I mostly listened—content for the most part.

Once we got to school, Chan unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to look at me as I sipped my coffee.

“So, I know you wanted me to stop back there…”

“Yeah?” I had replied.

“But I have a request.” He gave a nervous chuckle. “If that’s okay?”

My eyebrows rose precipitously.

“That’s not a nerve-wracking sight or anything.” He reached up with a nervous grin to rub the back of his neck.

“Spit it out.” I rolled my eyes with a chuckle.

“I like what we do.” He looked me in the eyes. “A lot.”

I watched him for a moment.

“But?” I prompted him.

“There’s not a ‘but’ to that. Well, not like you think.” He shook his head. “The ‘but’ is that I would rather we do…things…when we have the time and space to really do them.”

I frowned, confused.

“The things we do are so…you are so fucking good, Jisung.” He blushed deeply. “I don’t want just a quick blowjob in the car down a backroad. All right? I mean, maybe sometimes that is cool. But I…uh, yeah, I want to do the things we do when we can do them right.”

For several moments, we just stared into each other’s eyes. Chan looked nervous, so I decided to put him out of his misery.

“Fine.” I feigned disappointment, though my chest had swelled with pride. “But we have to swear that we’ll do ‘things’ as often as possible. I have needs.”

Chan laughed loudly.

“Do you want to pinkie promise?” He teased.

“No one is _that_ gay.” I snorted.

Chan laughed so hard he almost dropped his coffee.

I still smiled about our talk as I stood in the dog food aisle looking back at him. Chan was nothing like he had made himself out to be—for a solid year. We were friends. Maybe more? Actually, I didn’t know what was going on with us, but I liked it. No. I _loved_ it. I wanted what we had going on to keep going on for as long as possible.

Eventually, situations like ours ended. I’d be a fucking idiot to not know that, to not acknowledge it, to not be honest with myself. Eventually, Chan would find a girlfriend, or we’d go off to college, or…whatever. But, in the meantime, it would be nice if we could keep pretending our situation was a normal arrangement. That wasn’t too much to ask for, right?

“I can’t run off or anything.” I laughed as I bent to grab a bag of dog food. “You’re my ride home, after all.”

“Here, let me get that.” Chan jumped in front of me.

Chan grabbed the bag of dog food and hoisted it up with little to no effort and slung it onto the top shelf. By the time he had turned around to grab the next bag, I was frowning. It’s not that I had intended to find fault with his kindness, but this was just strange. And we were at work. He had never acted like this when we worked together. Of course, a lot had happened since the last time that we worked together, even if it had been five days.

“What?” He laughed.

“You can’t do my job for me.” I folded my arms over my chest.

“Sorry.” He rubbed the back of his neck again with a smile. “It’s just, well…”

“You think I’m weak?” I frowned deeper.

“God, no.” He shook his head. “I just…well, I guess…um, I don’t know how to answer that without putting my foot in it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Just… wanted to help… Jisung?”

The pause at the end before my name made me pause. What would he have called me if not my own name? Was he going to call me a bad name? Was he going to use a “bro code” type nickname? Or did he find himself almost calling me something so nice he could never take it back?

“Go do your job, mister.” I waved him off. “These pallets are mine.”

“Barrows just told me to restock the eggs and milk.” Chan tried to push in front of me, playfully. “I’ll help you with this, and you help me with that.”

“Orrrrr,” I swung my hips against his, somehow knocking him out of the way, “you go do what you’re supposed to be doing and let me do what I’m supposed to be doing.”

Chan smiled playfully at me as he pretended to stumble.

“I’m a big boy, Chan.” I lifted the next bag of dog food.

My former bully looked around suspiciously, then leaned in to me.

“Bigger than I would have thought.” He wriggled his eyebrows at me. “I mean, for a skinny guy…”

“Go do your job.” I laughed, but I meant it.

I didn’t want him distracting me.

“Okay, okay.” Chan pretended to be upset. “Gosh, try to be nice…”

I laughed to myself as he wandered off, mumbling about how mean I was. Watching him walk away, the bag of dog food resting heavily on my shoulder, I couldn’t help but be confused. This tall, built, sexy…God-like…jock was treating me like I was someone special. How had we gone from Chan bullying me every day that we worked together for a year to being something else entirely?

What exactly are we?

-

Moaning as I climbed into the passenger seat of Chan’s car, I couldn’t help but wonder if I should have traded tasks with Chan after all. Lifting nearly a hundred of the bags, one after the other, may have helped build some muscle, but in the meantime, I was going to suffer. Chan slid into the driver’s seat with the energy and pep of someone that had lifted nothing heavier than eggs and milk cartons. I tried to not glare at him as he buckled himself into his seat.

“I’m so glad this night is over.”

Chan groaned as though he had been the one who had lifted thousands of pounds of dog food at the end of our shift.

“Pussy.” I teased as I rubbed my shoulder.

Chan laughed. “Take some Ibuprofen as soon as you get home. That’s what I always do after a game. You don’t feel as bad the next day. Lots of water, too.”

“Thank you, doc.” I snorted.

“Sheesh,” he snorted, “try to help a friend.”

“I just wish Barrows gave me more hours this week.” I sighed. “I don’t work anymore until next week. You think with all of the dog food he’s obviously selling he could give me at least one more night.”

“At least your muscles will have time to rest up.” Chan laughed. “Besides, he’s not giving me any more hours either. I think he’s letting the grown employees with families have our hours. Ya’ know—the ones with families to feed??”

“Just drive the car, buttwipe.”

As Chan drove out of the parking lot, I swiped the aux cord that was perpetually plugged into his radio and connected it to my phone. A few swipes on my phone, a tapping of my fingers, and I had a song playing for us. For the first minute of the song, Chan seemed confused, then started tapping his finger against the steering wheel as he drove us towards my house.

“What is this?” Chan frowned.

“Pixies?” I didn’t mean to form it as a question.

“Is this, like, a new band or something?” He glanced over at me.

I cocked an eyebrow at him as he pulled into my driveway. Barrows wasn’t far from my house, so I wasn’t sure why I had bothered to play a song to begin with.

“Seriously?” I asked. “You’ve never heard Here Comes Your Man by Pixies before?”

Chan grinned goofily and shrugged. “Are they really popular or something? I don’t really keep up with stuff.”

“This song came out in 1989,” I replied evenly. “They were a really influential alternative rock band?”

He watched me for a moment, no expression on his face.

“Sorry.” I looked down with a grimace. “That was kind of snotty.”

“No.” He stated. “I was just wondering how you know about it since it’s more than ten years older than you.”

I shrugged. “My mom. She plays a lot of stuff from the 70s, 80s and 90s around the house. A lot when I was younger. When my dad went away, I was seven. She used to play me lots of her favorite music, and we’d, I don’t know, have, like, our own little dance parties in the living room. Made us feel less sad and less alone. I guess.”

Chan was just watching me as I sat there, explaining the song’s importance to me.

“Besides, _Hey, Jude_ was released in 1968—and everyone knows that song.” I defended myself with a sheepish grin.

“Fair enough.” Chan smiled.

I returned his smile and went to remove the aux cord from my phone’s headphone jack.

“Play another song you love,” Chan asked lowly. “Play something that always makes you happy.”

Looking at Chan for just a moment, wondering if I should just go inside since it was getting late and it was a school night, I decided to say fuck it instead. I flipped through my songs quickly and found the one I was looking for to play. One that always made me happy. Within moments, the alternative rock of Pixies was replaced with Chicago by Sufjan Stevens.

Chan sat back in his seat and stared straight ahead, listening as the song built from the almost poetry set to music verse to the lilting children’s choir chorus. We sat in silence, listening to one of my favorite songs, staring out of the windshield at the garage door of my house. When the song ended, Chan turned to me again, a smile on his face.

“Now play something that makes you feel… I don’t know… something.” He blushed as he finished his sentence.

I gave a nod and flipped through my songs again, a particular song already in mind. However, when I looked down, the song that I had planned to play was definitely not something I felt that I should play for Chan. Instead, I flipped a second longer and pulled up Emmylou by First Aid Kit instead. It was a safe song to play for Chan. It was emotional and haunting, but not a completely crazy love song.

Chan and I sat in his car as the song played, the haunting vocals playing through his top of the line speakers as we stared at the garage door again. Chan’s head lolled to the side, and he looked out of his side window, staring at nothing, as though concentrating intensely on the song. It was if he wanted to hear the music, the melodies, and the lyrics—and he didn’t need anything distracting him. I listened to the song and mouthed the words soundlessly, enjoying a song that was just good enough.

Finally, when the song ended, and we were cast in an odd silence that seemed to stretch. I unplugged my phone from the aux jack and locked it before sliding it into my pocket once again. Chan took a moment to shake himself out of his reverie, finally sitting up in his seat once again, turning his head to look at me.

“Did you like the song?” I asked, reaching into the back to grab my backpack.

“Yeah.” He responded.

“Good.” I smiled at him as I pulled my bag into the front seat with me, resting it in my lap.

“It wasn’t what I expected.” He looked thoughtful for a minute.

“I have varied tastes.” I chuckled.

He chuckled, too. “I meant… it didn’t seem like the song you would normally choose if someone asked you to pick a song that made you feel a certain way.”

“Oh, you know everything about me now?” I was half-teasing, half-not.

“I know enough.”

“We’ve been friends for, like, six days.” I rolled my eyes with a laugh. “Calm down, mister.”

“I’ve known you for over a year.” Chan leveled me with his eyes. “Maybe we didn’t talk like civilized people. Maybe you didn’t tell me things about yourself. Maybe we weren’t friends. But I’ve watched you, Jisung. For a year.”

I stared at him.

“Someone who snaps back at a bully like you do?” Chan looked down at his lap for a moment, then back up at me. “Someone who doesn’t take shit from other people? Someone who takes the time to answer every customer’s question, to patiently talk to the lonely, little, old ladies who come in the store… someone who asks everyone if they need help, but gets mad when others try to help him? That is not his song. His song wouldn’t mince words. His song would be direct. That guy’s song would be a _‘here it all is, take it or leave it’_ kind of song.”

My eyes looked towards the front of my house involuntarily, avoiding Chan’s gaze.

“That’s all I’m saying,” Chan stated softly.

“It’s late,” I stated as evenly as I could manage. “I better get inside. You still picking me up at seven like usual?”

Chan stayed silent for a moment, letting me fester in my little pool of misdirection and deflection.

“Seven on the dot.” He nodded.

Giving him a tight smile, I climbed out of his car, swinging my backpack over my shoulder as I leapt down from his car. I tried to give a more genuine smile as I turned and shut the door to his car. Finally, I gave him a wave, indicating that he could go. Instead, Chan cocked an eyebrow at me and gestured for me to go inside. Apparently, he wasn’t going to leave until I was safely inside. The whole situation made me very uncomfortable—but maybe not in a bad way.

Instead of pushing the issue, wondering what the hell was going on with our newfound friendship, I turned and walked to the front door. Once the door was open and I stepped across the threshold, I turned and gave him another wave. Chan smiled at me through the windshield, gave me a wave, and started to back out of the driveway. I was going to watch him drive away, but I needed him out of my head. For the time being at least. I shut the door, dropped my backpack, and headed upstairs.

Once upstairs, I realized that my mom was already in bed, so I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. Mom had left me a sticky note on the bathroom mirror, reminding me that we were doing Chinese food and a movie after school the next day. I smiled around the toothbrush. By the time I had gotten to my room and was slipping out of my clothes into my pajamas, my phone was buzzing an alert. I sighed as I tied the drawstring on my pajama bottoms and slipped on a plain t-shirt before digging my phone out of the pocket of the black slacks I had just chunked in the dirty clothes hamper.

**chan:** do you want to know the song that always makes me happy when i hear it?

**me:** do i have a choice?

Okay, so it was a little snotty and rude. But I was utterly confused by our interaction in Chan’s car.

**chan:** yes. do you want to know?

**me:** sorry. what is it?

**chan:** …

**chan:** tell me what song you were going to play

**me:** i don’t negotiate with terrorists

**chan:** lmao

**me:** btw my mom and i are going to go eat after school and see a movie so i’ll probably need to take my own car to school in the morning. i’ll need to come right home after school anyway. can’t stay for football practice :(

**chan:** now i’m sad :(

**me:** there’s always the weekend…

**chan:** ok. goodnight. sleep tight

-

As I was walking to my car in the student parking lot the next day, Chan was standing against my car, leaned back against the driver’s side door. He had a smug look on his face, as though he had caught me at something. I don’t know what he had gotten the grin over. We had driven to school separately, but I had still met him in the West Annex bathroom during lunch to hang out alone, though this time I had been smart enough to bring my food with me so that I didn’t starve for the rest of the day.

So, it wasn’t like there was any chance that I’d done anything to give him a reason to look so smug. As I drew closer, though, I realized that I had mistaken his look for smugness, when in all actuality, he looked a little unsure of himself. He almost looked… embarrassed. I approached him with caution, wondering what could possibly have happened between lunch and the end of the school day to give him that expression.

“Think I won’t tear through you to get to my car?” I teased him as I approached. “Because my mom’s a nurse. I’m not scared of blood.”

Chan looked confused for a minute, then gave a nervous laugh.

“I wasn’t holding your car hostage, dumbass.” He teased back. “I was just leaning against it while I waited.”

“Aren’t you late to practice?” I asked as I stepped around him to open my door and throw my backpack into the passenger seat from across the front seat of the car.

“Got a couple minutes?” He shrugged. “I had a question.”

“Shoot.” I turned to face him.

“Your mom works the weekends, right?”

“Yeah.” I frowned. “Night shift. Sucks.”

“Do you think that maybe I could come stay this weekend?” He chewed on his bottom lip. “After practice Friday, I’ve really got nothing—unless you’re willing to hang out with me?”

My brow furrowed, confused that someone like Chan wouldn’t have options for his social life.

“Okay.” He held his hands up defensively. “I got… stuff… but I’d rather hang out with you. If you’re cool with that… and all.”

Finally, I shrugged.

“Yeah,” I replied. “I mean, if you want.”

Of course, we both wanted to hang out. Having a couple nights with no one to bother us, we could do… things… we hadn’t done in over twenty-four hours. And that we couldn’t do for at least twenty-four more hours. There were no “ifs” about it.

“Of course, I want to.” Chan gave me a goofy look.

“Okay.” I shrugged, slipping into the driver’s seat of my car. “Then we’ll have a slumber party. Braid each other’s hair. Talk about boys.”

When I closed my car door, Chan motioned for me to put the window down. Upon starting the car, I did as he requested. He leaned against the window, folding his arms over it and leaning in to talk to me.

“I’ll bring the movies.” He grinned at me. “You like horror, right?”

“Sure,” I stated evenly.

He cocked an eyebrow in disbelief.

“Okay.” I shrugged. “I hate horror movies. But I’ll watch them if you want.”

“Do they give you nightmares?”

“No.” I laughed loudly. “I just think they’re stupid.”

Chan rolled his eyes. “But you’ll watch them because I want to watch them?”

“Yes.” I nodded.

“I don’t like horror movies, either.” Chan grinned.

“Dick.” I laughed.

Chan looked around the parking lot for a second, then leaned closer.

“I, uh, wanna try something new this weekend.” He stated lowly, making sure only I could hear him. “With the… things… we do.”

I stopped myself from gulping.

“Okay,” I stated simply.

“You’re not going to ask what?” He cocked an eyebrow.

Like I needed to ask.

There’s only one thing that would be the natural progression to what we’d done so far.

“No,” I replied. “I—I trust you.”

Chan made a face between a smile and a frown. It was almost as though he had never heard those words uttered by someone else to him before. The smile won out, and he kept his eyes on mine for what would have been an uncomfortable period of time if things were different.

“I…” Chan started to lean towards me, forgetting where we were, then suddenly his eyes opened wide, he smiled awkwardly and moved away, “…I should get to practice, right?”

“Mmhm.” I nodded with a nervous smile.

“Am I picking you up in the morning?”

“Seven a.m.” I nodded.

“See ya’ then, Jisung.” He grinned.

Before I could say anything else, he had dashed off back towards the school, his long legs carrying him at a speed that I would never be able to manage. His movements were jaunty and happy, the lope of someone who had just won a wad of cash or the grand prize. I couldn’t help but blush and smile, knowing that I had been the cause of at least part of that. I watched his form from behind as he loped away, admiring every curve and angle. Finally, I woke myself from my hypnosis, put the window up, and headed home.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg pls slap me in the face for barely updating this????? also 7000+ hits????? thank u so much wow i can't believe my average mess of a story reached that lol anyways here's an extra long chapter to make up for the slacking & to thank y'all <333333

Mom sat across from me at Bamboo Garden—which sounded a lot fancier than it really was. Most of the food was good and filling, but it was greasy and cheap. Two of the things that my mom and I loved most in our Chinese food. They also had a buffet on weekend nights, for which we also had a shared love, but could never enjoy together. My mom had been promising for years that once she got a work schedule that had her off on weekends, we’d go together…but so far, no dice.

“So, I have a question,” I asked as I shoved a forkful of Chicken Lo Mein into my mouth.

“Shoot.” My mom replied before shoving her mouth full of Kung Pao.

“Is it okay if my friend Chan stays this weekend?” I asked casually, chewing the delicious, horrible food.

“You know I don’t care, honey.” She replied quickly. “Just pick up after yourselves. And don’t drink every last soda in the fridge.”

I chuckled. “He might stay all weekend if that’s okay?”

My mom nodded her head, chewing her Kung Pao carefully as she looked at me, her mouth full of food.

“What?” I asked.

“This other b—young man?” She asked, lifting some of her side noodles with her chopsticks. “Is he…you know? More than a friend?”

Luckily, there weren’t many other people in the restaurant so quickly after school let out. We didn’t have to be as discreet as we normally were about the whole “gay thing.” I just frowned at her question. On one hand, I wanted to be completely honest and open with my mom. It’s how we had always been. On the other hand, I didn’t want to admit to my mom that I was essentially a fucktoy for my former bully. Even if we were friends now.

“You know?” She looked around and leaned in. “Is he your boyfriend?”

“Good God, no!” I laughed.

My mom laughed with me and pulled away, bringing her chopsticks to her mouth.

“I’m totally cool with you having a boyfriend.” She spoke evenly but lowly. “I won’t freak out. I just want to know if you might be doing sexual things in the house. I don’t want to walk in on anything.”

“You’re, like, ‘ _’a cool mom’’_ , right?” I quoted Mean Girls with a roll of my eyes, making my mom laugh. “And what do you mean, you don’t want to walk in on anything?”

My mom shrugged.

“Well, I always figured you being gay would be just like if you were straight.” She explained. “One day you might sneak a girl into the house for sex if you were straight, so it just stands to reason that you’d do the same with a boy if you were gay. You’re eighteen-years-old, Jisung. I don’t want to stop you from…figuring things out…but I don’t necessarily want to walk in on it, either. Even if you weren’t gay.”

She laughed and shoved more food into her mouth.

_Mom, I’ve already had oral sex with this guy. And I think he’s going to want to take my anal virginity this weekend. We did it in my room. And the living room. Your gay son has had experiences._

“You don’t mind me having sex in my room?” I asked, incredulous.

“Well, I don’t love the idea.” She admitted. “I wouldn’t want you to ever have sex no matter your sexual orientation. I never wanted you to get older than five-years-old—just be my little boy forever. But that’s not how life works. Just promise me that you’ll be careful. And warn me if I need to steer clear or anything. Just try to be respectful.”

“Okay.” I smiled. “I’ll tell you if you need to worry, mom.”

Mom smiled back. “So, which sappy love story are we watching tonight?”

She shoved more food into her mouth as she waited for my final movie decision.

“Why don’t we see a horror movie?” I shrugged. “I know you’ve been wanting to see that retro-screening of Halloween at The Rialto.”

“What?!” My mom acted shocked.

I shrugged again.

“You must be in a good mood, honey.” She laughed. “But I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Halloween it is!”

Well. That was settled.

-

Friday morning started out awful. Well, the weather, anyway. When I woke up at six in the morning, it was pouring down rain. Fall was making a preemptive strike here. It was only mid-September, but Mother Nature was pointing out that she was still there, waiting. Wave of Mutilation by Pixies was the alarm tone on my phone that woke me. By the time I had done the three S’s (shit, shower, shave), and gotten dressed, the rain had turned to a drizzle, and it was actually a little chilly outside.

I sat on the steps of the front porch, waiting for Chan to show up. With the weather we were getting already, I was betting that when the first football game took place the following Friday evening, they’d be playing in either chilly weather or it would be muggy as hell. He finally did arrive, my mother was asleep, resting up for her first evening shift over the weekend. Chan knew that my mom worked nights on weekends, so he pulled in as quietly as possible and didn’t honk or do anything asinine to announce his arrival. It won him a few points in my book.

“Good morning, sunshine.” He smiled at me as I climbed up into the SUV, hauling my backpack in behind me.

Even the short dash through the drizzle had left fat droplets of water that fell off of my hair and the fabric of my backpack. Chan didn’t complain about the water getting inside his car, which endeared me to him slightly more. I gave him my own smile and greeting and buckled up so that he could back out of the driveway and take us to school.

“Play us your version of ‘Friday music’.” Chan handed me the aux jack plug instead of pulling out of the driveway.

“Okay.” I shrugged.

As soon as 99 Problems by Jay-Z started to play from off of my phone, Chan gave me a surprised smile, then pulled out of the driveway with a _“whoop”_ sound. I guess the song was, again, not what he expected, but was still a good choice nonetheless. We both rapped along to the verses (as best as we could) but had better luck rapping along to the choruses. By the time the song was over, we were both ready to face our Friday at school.

But first _, coffee._

Chan swung through the same coffee shop that we had stopped at every other morning that we’d gone to school together in his car. In the few days that Chan had driven me to school, he had memorized my coffee order, so I didn’t need to bother telling him what I wanted. It made the trip through the coffee shop drive-thru much quicker, getting us to school faster, and giving us more time to talk before going to our first class.

We pulled into the school parking lot as Give Up the Funk by Parliament was ending, which, for some reason, had made Chan laugh. I don’t know if he was laughing because it was actually a song I loved and put on my playlist, or he thought the song was dumb, or he actually liked it and found it amusing that we both enjoyed it. I didn’t ask. I wasn’t sure I would be able to handle it if he said he thought the song was dumb.

“Thank God it’s Friday, man.” Chan sighed and sunk in his seat, bringing his coffee to his lips once his car was parked.

“You can say that again.” I chuckled, taking a sip of my own coffee, bringing my legs up to sit in the lotus position in the seat.

“You gonna watch practice today?” Chan grinned goofily at me. “I mean, I guess you have to since I’m staying the weekend with you and I’m your ride home, huh?”

“If it’s still raining, I’m getting a friend to take me home.” I snorted. “You can come over after practicing in the rain.”

“Jerk.” Chan laughed. “I don’t blame you, though.”

I nodded my head.

“Is your mom cool with me staying all weekend?” Chan asked.

“Yeah.” I continued to nod. “She doesn’t really care. It’s not like I’ve ever given her a reason to worry about letting me have a friend over or anything.”

Chan grinned at me before sipping his coffee.

“She did ask me last night if you were my boyfriend.” I laughed. “I guess you staying two different times means something to her.”

Chan sat there, staring straight ahead, drinking his coffee.

“It was kind of funny.” I shrugged.

“So, what did you tell her?” Chan asked lowly.

“Don’t worry.” I waved him off. “I told her there was nothing going on. I mean, she was all, like, she knew I’d eventually have sex and stuff, she just wanted to know when it was safe and unsafe to come in my room and stuff.”

“So,” Chan eyes darted over to me, then back to the windshield, “she just straight out asked you if we were together?”

“Yeah.” I laughed around my straw.

“And she was cool with it?”

“Yeah.” I shrugged. “She doesn’t care. She just wanted to know if we were dating, and I was like, _‘Good God, no!’.”_

Chan gave a small chuckle.

“Don’t worry, Chan.” I nudged him with my elbow. “I know it’s not like that. What we…um, do…is not _that_. That’s just ridiculous.”

I reached into the backseat and grabbed my bag, giving a sigh as I drew it into my lap. Chan mumbled under his breath before shoving his straw back into his mouth quickly. I didn’t hear him, but from the look on his face, I knew that he was not happy at my mom thinking that we were dating.

“Calm down.” I rolled my eyes with a laugh. “I don’t think of you like that. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Great.” Chan was still staring straight ahead.

“Are you really going to be moody on Friday, man?” I teased him. “I’ll go down on you right here if I have to. I don’t care who sees.”

Chan actually smiled.

“Not getting a quality blowjob in over a day might be what’s wrong.” I wiggled my eyebrows at him.

I reached over like I was going to grab his bulge, but Chan laughed and grabbed my wrist.

“Don’t start.” He warned me lowly, suddenly very serious. “I won’t be able to stop you if you do.”

“And what’s wrong with that?” I teased but pulled my hand back at the same time.

Chan’s gaze radiated heat as he kept his fingers tightly around my wrist. I thought we were playing around when I had started it, but Chan looked like he was about to lose his mind. For once, I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to have his way with me—at least not in his car in the school parking lot as other students were arriving and could see us. Not to mention any of the staff seeing what we were up to in his car.

“How do you do this to me?” Chan growled lowly at me.

What does that even mean?

“I want to throw you in the back and do _really_ bad things with you.” Chan followed up.

“Well,” I replied gently, carefully, “we have all weekend for that, don’t we? Anytime you want.”

Chan held my wrist for a moment longer, finally closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Slowly, he loosened the grip on my wrist, letting me have my hand back. It was almost scary, the intensity in his eyes as he held my wrist, so I was glad to have him let go. But at the same time—it was thrilling. The fear hadn’t been from wondering if he’d do something to hurt me—at least not in a bad way—the fear was about how badly I wanted him to do it. Even if it was in a very public place.

“Should we go inside?” I asked quietly.

“You go ahead,” Chan replied evenly. “I need to sit here and…calm down for a second.”

A glance down at Chan’s crotch and I knew that his body had reacted very quickly and visibly to my blatant sexual teasing.

“Okay. I’ll see you at lunch?” I asked gently as I opened my door.

“Definitely,” Chan responded, still breathing with his eyes closed.

I didn’t ask any more questions or say anything else. I got out of his car and slung my backpack over my shoulder, shutting the door as gently as possible behind myself. As I was walking towards the building, I glanced back at the car I had left behind. Chan was sitting in the driver’s seat still. But his eyes were no longer closed—his eyes were fixed on me, radiating that same heat as before. I averted my eyes, hoping he would think I was looking somewhere else.

-

“Why do you keep doing this to yourself?” Seungmin asked as he pulled into my driveway again. “I mean, dude, if Chan gave you a ride to school and you knew he’d have football practice and—'

“You come by my house anyway, dude.” I laughed. “Stop playing the martyr.”

“I’ve got a tournament today!” Seungmin whined.

“Oh, my God.” I groaned as I opened my door. “Go home. Sign onto the interwebs and geek it up then.”

Seungmin groaned at my complete lack of knowledge about his online gaming…stuff.

“You still play Skyrim, don’t you, Jisung?” Seungmin snorted at me as I got out.

I leaned back down to look at him.

“I’m not even sure what that is or if that was an attempt at an insult,” I replied with my own snort. “But I’ll assume it was. Douche.”

“Text me later, man.” He responded.

“If I can figure out how.” I cocked an eyebrow at him. “Ya’ know, technology and everything.”

Seungmin cackled but barely waited for me to close the door before he started backing out of my driveway. I headed up the stairs, just as mom backed out of the driveway. I jogged back down the stairs to the passenger side of her car as she rolled down the window.

“Chae and I are meeting for _‘breakfast’_ before my shift, honey. Six to six tonight.” She explained, seeing the look on my face. “I sent you a text.”

“Oh.” I shrugged. “Haven’t looked at my phone since I left school.”

“Well, I just sent it. I gotta get moving to meet her. I love you, baby.”

“Love you, too.” I patted the top of the car as she rolled up the window.

I waved as she drove off before heading back up the stairs again as the garage door closed. Inside, I went straight to the kitchen table and opened my bag. All of my books got laid out, at least the ones for classes that I had weekend homework for, and I sat down. Once Chan showed up after practice, I wanted to have all of my homework mostly done. That way I could just have fun hanging out with him. At worst, I’d have a little homework to do Sunday after he left to go home.

Luckily, my homework load was light for the weekend. Just a little leftover reading for the pop quiz in English on Monday and some notes to study for the test in History that was on Monday as well. If I’d had any Calculus homework, I may as well have saved it for Sunday. There was no way I’d get it done quickly. I’m not incredibly bad at math—but I’m not incredibly good, either. I can pull a solid “A” in the class, but it takes a ton of work.

When I heard the doorbell, I was just putting everything back into my backpack for the weekend. Maybe I’d pull my notes and reading out again on Sunday to freshen my memory, but otherwise, I felt prepared for my tests. When I got to the front door and swung it open, Chan was standing there in a t-shirt and sweats, absolutely drenched. His car was in the driveway. At least he had a smile on his face.

“Did you take your shower in your clothes?” I cocked my head to the side as I looked at him.

_“Ha - Ha.”_ He rolled his eyes and entered as I swung my arm towards the living room. “I just threw these on after practice so I could get here quicker. And it was raining like a motherfucker when I ran to my car, so…”

“Gotcha.” I laughed as he stood in the foyer, dripping on the tile.

“I brought plenty of clothes, though.” He shrugged the shoulder that his bag was slung over.

“You better change.” I looked down at the puddle growing on the floor.

“Sorry.” He replied sheepishly as he glanced down. “Can I shower, too? I’m sure I stink.”

I looked him in the eyes. “We can’t have that.”

Chan held my gaze, neither of us caring about the puddle in the floor anymore.

“Just up the stairs. First door on the right?” He breathed out heavily.

I nodded slowly. He started to turn, but stopped himself, looking at me over his shoulder.

“Do you…do you want to come help me?” His voice was suddenly hoarse.

“Is that an order?” I bit my lower lip playfully.

At this, he actually turned to look at me, leveling me with his gaze.

“That’s me asking if you want to get naked with me and help me to clean my body.” He replied. “Clean our bodies.”

“Okay,” I whispered.

“Okay.” He nodded.

Chan motioned for me to lead the way. I made sure the front door was locked and headed up the stairs, fully aware of Chan just a foot behind me, following me upstairs. Chan stopped at my bedroom and chucked his bag onto the floor as I waited, then we went to the bathroom. Once we were in the bathroom, I went to the shower and pulled the door open, and within moments I had the water at just the right temperature, waiting on us.

When I turned back to Chan, he was staring at me, looking as if he were the hungriest man on Earth and he had spotted a double quarter pounder. I felt myself shiver involuntarily. Chan took a tentative step, closing the distance between us. His lips were level with my forehead as he looked down at me, looking like he could destroy me—but in the best way possible. I tried not to gasp but failed, as I felt his hands grab the bottom of my t-shirt.

I raised my hands as he pulled it off of me, keeping his eyes on mine as it slipped up over my head. My body felt absolutely weak as he tossed my shirt to the floor, and his fingers were suddenly on the button to my jeans. With practiced, controlled movements, he unbuttoned my jeans, unzipped them, and looked me in the eyes for a moment. Slowly, he bent at the knees, rolling my jeans down over my hips and down my legs. While he kneeled before me, he yanked my boxers down slowly, looking up into my eyes as they came off of me as well.

He rose from his crouch, glancing down once to look at my cock, which had somehow managed to stay fairly soft during the stripping scenario. Chan raised his hand, brushing his fingers from my lower stomach, up my torso, the palm of his hand playing over my chest, up my neck to the side of my face. He ran his thumb over my cheek as he stared into my eyes, somehow looking even hungrier than before.

“Your body is amazing.” He spoke as though only my ears would hear him.

I couldn’t help it, I started to look away as I blushed. Chan’s strong hand held my face steady, so I looked back into his eyes.

“Do you want to see my body again?” He asked.

I nodded. “Yes. Very much.”

Chan removed his hand from my face but didn’t step away as he pulled his wet t-shirt up over his head, slinging water against my chest and face as he did so. I gave a reactionary laugh, making Chan smile sheepishly, as though he had ruined his whole “seduction.” He didn’t know that made me enjoy this whole experience even more. It made it more real.

“Do you like seeing me without a shirt?” He asked in a breathy tone.

“Very much, yeah.”

“Do you want to touch me?”

I nodded.

Chan grabbed my hand firmly, yet gently, and pulled my hand towards his chest. He used his other hand to straighten out my fingers and laid the palm of my hand against his chest, his eyes still boring into mine. Once my hand was in place, he let go of my wrist, wordlessly offering his body up to me—all mine to explore.

“I like it when you touch me, Jisung.” He choked out, as though the very act of my hand on him turned him to putty.

I smiled at him, my eyes drifting away from his finally as I ran my hand over his pecs, between them, and then my other hand finally joined in. Chan closed his eyes in pleasure as I massaged his chest, let my hands run over his abs in the most vulgar fashion. My hands slid to his back and pulled him slowly into me, my face finally pressing into his chest. I breathed in deeply as Chan sighed.

He smelled vaguely of the citrusy-musky soap he had used for his morning shower. It mingled with fresh sweat, his natural manly smell, and some cologne that I wasn’t familiar with. It made me want to lick him from the top of his chest…down to other places. Chan’s fingers were in my hair, running through my hair, as I pulled back and let my hands come back to his stomach before drifting to his waist.

Looking back up into his eyes, I mimicked the movements he had made when taking my pants off of me. I reached into the waistband of his sweats and untied the cord, then hooked my fingers in the waistband. Chan grinned impishly at me as I pulled his sweats off, somehow hooking his boxers as well. When I crouched and pulled, both came down to his ankles. We both laughed as he kicked them off, and I stood up again.

“Your body is amazing.” I parroted him.

Chan’s fingers went back to my head, running through my hair as we stared at each other. My body was reacting to his touch, to his gaze, but not in the ways that I was used to. I mean, yeah, my cock was starting to sport a minor chub, but my chest seemed to swell. It felt as if I was standing in the door of an airplane, thousands of feet in the air, waiting to be pushed out, praying my parachute was packed correctly.

Before I could pack any more analogies into my cranium, Chan grabbed my hand and led me into the shower. He entered first before pulling me in behind him, closing the door behind us. As I stood before him, under the spray of the showerhead, I couldn’t help but think that this was the most intimate I’d ever been with anybody in my life.

It was a strange thought.

I’d had Chan’s cock in my mouth several times.

We had kissed/not kissed.

We’d seen each other naked.

But this act of undressing each other, taking our time in taking in each other’s bodies, climbing into the shower—where people were usually alone for the sole purpose of washing their bodies—it was so intimate that I didn’t find it super sexual as I should have. Like a teenager my age would have.

Chan stared at me a moment longer, and a smile finally spread across his face. This was ridiculous. We both knew it. Yes, it was sensual and intoxicating, but we were also two almost fully developed men in a shower together. Not that it being ridiculous made it any less sensual and intoxicating, but it added another layer to the experience.

I laughed as Chan put both hands in my hair and pushed me back slightly to get my hair wet under the shower. Chan laughed with me as he ruffled my hair, getting it thoroughly wet. Once I was doused, I grabbed his shoulders and turned him so that he was fully under the showerhead, changing places with him. He allowed me to get his hair wet and let the water run down over his statue-like body.

Chan grabbed the shower gel that was on the ledge and squirted a large glob in his hand. Tentatively, he put his hands against my chest and began lathering me up, making me soapy. He got my entire chest, my armpits, my stomach, then turned me gently to get my back and neck soaped up. His hands moved to my ass, soaping me up there, too. He knelt down and washed the back and front of my legs as I stood with my back to him.

He nudged me to turn back around towards him as he stood. I went to take the bottle of shower gel from him so that I could finish washing myself, but he held it away from me. He grinned bashfully as another squirt went into his hand. He set the bottle back on the ledge and rubbed his hands together. I gasped as he reached down and touched my junk without hesitation. He stared into my eyes as he soaped up my balls and cock, getting them as soapy as the rest of me. I shivered as my cock grew hard in his hand. I was embarrassed but refused to show it.

Finally, Chan pulled his hand away from me, reluctantly. He grabbed ahold of me and changed places with me, placing me under the showerhead once again. He ran his hands over my body, helping to rinse the soap off of me, biting at the corner of his lip, as though concentrating on getting me completely clean. When he stood back up from rinsing the soap off of my legs, he held the shampoo bottle in his hand.

He winked at me as he squeezed some into his hand. His hands went back to my head, and he started to massage it into my hair and scalp. I closed my eyes as he lathered up my hair. I had just had a shower less than twelve hours previously, but something about this shower felt like a sanctifying of my entire body. When my hair was scrubbed gently, but thoroughly, he put my head under the showerhead and rinsed me thoroughly. I opened my eyes as I pulled my head out from under the shower.

Chan held the shower gel out to me with a smirk. I took it from him and squeezed a glob into my hand and slathered it between my hands. Immediately, I reached out and started to soap up his chest, up to his neck, over his stomach, his sides, his armpits, then down and around his legs. Chan smiled as he turned without prompting, giving me access to his back. I soaped up his back and his ass as well, taking my time, massaging his ass as I soaped it up.

Without warning, Chan reached behind himself to grab my hands from his ass, bringing them around to his crotch. I rubbed soap into his pubes, lathered up his balls and cock, which was already hard and ready for me to clean. Chan groaned as my hand slid along the length of him, cleaning every single inch of his huge cock. Finally, once he had been soaped up enough, he pulled my hand away from his cock with a chuckle, not wanting me to send him over the edge. At least not right then.

Chan pulled on both of my hands, lifting them to his chest, pulling my body closer to him. I resisted his pull. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to press my body along the length of his, but my cock was still hard. I didn’t want to freak him out if my erection was against his ass in any way. Luckily, he was much taller, so I doubted that it would be as bad as I thought, but my cock would still be near his ass.

“What is it?” He breathed out hoarsely.

“I’m…I’m hard.” I chuckled nervously.

There was a slight pause before Chan tugged my arms roughly, pulling me against him. My cock slid up between our bodies, nestled against his ass. I gasped, and Chan gave a slight shiver. I didn’t know if it was an ecstatic shiver or a grossed-out shiver, but he didn’t slow down. He brought my hands up to his chest and rubbed them around, helping me to feel his body more. He leaned back into my body as we rubbed his chest together.

It took several moments, but we both finally calmed down, and I turned him towards the showerhead, starting to rinse him off. Repeating his movements, I rinsed his neck, chest, pits, and stomach, his crotch, legs, and back and ass. Then he turned back towards me after retrieving the shampoo bottle off of the ledge once again.

“You might have to bend down for this.” I cocked an eyebrow, alluding to our height differences.

Chan laughed lightly then slowly bent forward for me. I squeezed shampoo into my hands and washed his hair as quickly, yet thoroughly as possible. Then he stood and rinsed his head. We were both finally clean, but it was as if neither of us wanted to leave the steamy shower. It was obvious that this part of the evening had concluded, though, so Chan shut off the water.

Exiting the shower together, I grabbed a towel from the linen closet and handed it to Chan and then grabbed one for myself. Chan reached up and started drying my hair with his towel, smiling at me. I used my towel to start drying off his chest and stomach, reaching around to get his back. Together, we dried off our bodies and wrapped the towels around our waists. I got my deodorant out of the cabinet and applied a good layer. We gathered up our discarded clothes and headed to my bedroom.

We threw both sets of our clothes in my dirty clothes hamper, and I sat down on the end of my bed. Chan dug his deodorant out of his overnight bag and put some on as well before chunking it back into his bag. He looked over at me on the end of the bed, sitting there in just a towel. He gave me a look that was part frowning, part confused.

“What?” I asked.

“Why did you tell your mom, _‘Good God, no’_?”

“Huh?”

“When she asked if we were…”

“Oh.” I laughed. “Well, I didn’t mean it like a knock at you. Maybe I answered her too definitively, but the intention…”

“You wouldn’t want to date me?” He interrupted me.

The question made me stop cold.

_What the hell did that mean?_

I wasn’t sure how to proceed. Was this a test to see if I thought he was good enough to date—that I was really attracted to him in more than a sexual way? Or was he making sure that I wasn’t, like, in love with him or something?

“I don’t know how to answer that,” I answered, honestly.

“Why?” He stood there, his chest still lightly damp.

“I don’t know why you’re asking.” More of that honesty.

“I’m asking because I want to know if you would want to date me,” Chan answered evenly. “If that were an option.”

“If it were an option.” I gave a nod.

“Right.”

“Yes.” I didn’t hesitate.

I just…answered.

The truth.

Sometimes it demands that you tell it.

Chan stared impassively at me for a moment—a moment that felt like an eternity. How would he react?

“Do you… like me, Jisung?”

“Of course, I like you,” I replied.

_“No.”_ He shook his head. “Do you _like_ me? Do you actually like spending time with me—and not just for sex stuff? Do you think I’m a decent person? Do you like who I am?”

I thought about it for a second. My first thought was, _‘this is the guy who bullied you for a year’_ …but then I realized that he had only done that to hide his own feelings about wanting to do sexual things with me. Other than the way he had treated me during that year, I’d actually never seen him behave like other jocks at school. I had been his only target. And…well, now I knew why that was. When I really thought about it, I’d only ever seen him be nice to other people.

“Yes.” I nodded. “I like you, Chan. I like spending time with you. I think you’re a good person. I like who you are.”

Chan gave a small grin.

“Other than how you treated me for a year.” I couldn’t help but add it.

Chan blushed, but the grin didn’t go away.

“So…why did you answer your mom that way?” Chan asked again.

I shrugged. “I mean, that’s not really an option. I mean, you’re this straight jock guy who likes the way I give head. And I’m this gay guy who likes giving head. Well, at least to you. That’s kind of the only way that we’re compatible as a couple.”

Chan walked over to me, not stopping until our toes were almost touching. Immediately, I imagined yanking his towel from around his waist and pulling his cock into my mouth. However, Chan slowly lowered himself until he was on his knees in front of me. Before I knew what was happening, he was yanking my towel open. My cock hadn’t been hard, but the blood started flowing again as Chan knelt before me with my towel open, my crotch bared to him.

“What are you doing?” I gasped, nearly jumping away.

“I said I wanted to try new things, didn’t I?” Chan looked up at me as he reached out and grabbed my hardening cock.

“You don’t have to—'

“I want to.” He replied before lowering his mouth to my cock.

Chan’s lips wrapped around my cockhead as he held my shaft. I would like to say that I groaned or moaned, or even called out in pleasure, but what came out was more of a whimper. I had nothing to compare Chan’s skill to as he started to slide his mouth over me—but every nerve ending in my body was telling me that everything was good. _Real good._ I squirmed at the end of my bed as Chan started to suck on me, nursing at my cock, coaxing it to its full firmness with his mouth.

He began bobbing his head as I got harder, moving his tongue against my cock as he bobbed his head up and down. Chan’s hand moved to my balls and played with them softly as he worked my cock with his lips, mouth, and tongue. Before I knew what was happening, my hips were thrusting upwards involuntarily, meeting his mouth. Chan did his best to take my entire cock in his mouth but only managed about half before he choked.

His hand went to the base of my cock and stroked the part he couldn’t get into his mouth and sucked up and down on the rest. It wasn’t that my cock was exceptionally large by any means, but Chan was not going to be a natural at deep throating a dick. I stopped analyzing everything about the act we were committing—getting my first blowjob—and concentrated on the sensations created by Chan’s mouth.

As soon as I blocked out every other thought, I felt myself tipping over the edge of no return.

“Oh, shit.” I breathed heavily, desperately. “I’m going to come, Chan.”

The only response I got was more desperate head bobbing and sucking from Chan. Biting my bottom lip so as not to scream too loudly, I groaned and came, spilling into Chan’s warm mouth. I groaned and twitched and shivered as Chan slowed his movements, sucking gently at me as I shot rope after rope of cum into his inviting mouth. My hands found Chan’s shoulders and held onto him for support as my body spasmed.

When my body finally stopped shaking and spasming, I let go of his shoulders, and Chan pulled his mouth away from me. He looked up at me with a smile, and I couldn’t help but take notice of the way he swallowed, taking all of me down his throat. I groaned at the sight, wondering how I didn’t start shooting another load from how erotic the sight was. Chan pulled up part of my towel and wiped his mouth, then went back to smiling up at me.

“How’s that for compatible, Jisung?” He smirked at me.

I rolled my eyes with a smile. As Chan stared up at me.

“Come here.” He sighed and grabbed the back of my head.

Chan pulled my head down to his, and our lips were pressed together. His tongue darted out and parted my lips, sliding into my mouth. For what felt like hours, but still not long enough, we explored each other’s mouths. I could taste myself on Chan’s lips, tongue, and in his mouth. The whole thing made my cock start to get hard again. Chan pulled away and looked down at my dick and then back up at me, smirking at the effect he had on me.

“Just wanted me to taste myself?” I cocked an eyebrow at him.

“No.” He shook his head slightly. “I wanted to kiss you. It’s just incidental that you also got to taste your own cock and cum.”

“Ah, man.” I gave a gasping laugh and leaned back slightly. “What the fuck are we doing, Chan?”

Chan crawled up from the floor and straddled me, putting a knee on either side of my lap, the towel tenting out in front of him, pushing against my chest.

“I think that’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?” He looked down at me as I braced my hands against the bed.

I looked up at him.

“I’m pretty sure we’re dating now, Jisung.”

I swallowed hard. I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t upset. I was euphoric. But…what did that mean exactly?

“Will that change things?” I asked sheepishly.

“Oh,” Chan snorted, “you’re still my little cockwhore, Jisung. But…I guess…I mean…maybe that makes me yours, too.”

I laughed loudly.

“You?” I looked him in the eyes. “A cockwhore?”

“Okay.” He shrugged and wrapped his arms around my neck, locking them behind. “Maybe not a _‘cockwhore’_ …but I’ll suck you off. Maybe more. Sometime. In the future. There’ll be a learning curve.”

“Okay,” I stated simply, trying to ignore my cock pressed between us.

“This is all so fucked up.” Chan laughed.

“Huh?”

“I—” he looked upwards for a minute, incredulous, then back at me, “I mean, I can’t say that I wasn’t gay before. I didn’t know what I was. I didn’t…I don’t know what I wanted, Jisung. I can’t say that I’m gay now. But when I saw you at Barrows…I wanted you. I just want you. Does it have to make sense? Is it okay that I don’t care if it does or doesn’t make sense?”

I nodded spastically with a grin.

Chan shook his head as if chasing away thoughts. “I don’t want to think about what all of this means anymore. I just want to…do it. I want you. I’ve made an executive decision that I won’t analyze that. I’m not going to wonder what that means. I’m not going to get in my own head every time I want to have sex with you, Jisung. I’m not going to stop myself from kissing you when I want to kiss you.”

“What if I want to kiss you?” I asked. “What if I want to have sex with you?”

Chan smiled. “I’m definitely not going to stop that either. I just want us to be…this. Is that okay with you?”

“Should I tell my mom that you’re my boyfriend?” I asked.

“Will she stop letting me stay over?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Then tell her.” Chan boyishly nodded his head while biting his bottom lip.

“The whole shebang? Everything or nothing at all?” I chuckled.

“Yes.” He agreed.

I looked at him for a moment. Whether or not he’d thought about it yet, I decided to make this even easier on him.

“It might be best if we don’t tell people at school. Especially the guys on the football team,” I stated slowly. “Or your parents.”

Chan looked at me for a minute, staring into my eyes. Slowly, his eyes started to water.

“Thank you.” He whispered it so softly I barely caught it.

I reached up and pulled his face down to mine, planting my lips gently against his while running my thumbs under his eyes to clear away any tears that might escape. When I pulled away, Chan’s smile was brilliant and wide as he looked down at me.

“Are you still going to be rough with me?” I asked. “Fuck my mouth? Spank me? Treat me like I’m yours to use and abuse?”

“No.” He shook his head, furiously. “I don’t want to make you feel like that anymore, Jisung.”

I looked up at him.

“What if…what if I like that?” I swallowed hard.

Chan looked back at me for a moment before a smirk formed on his mouth.

“I’ll do anything you want, Jisung.” He replied. “I like it, too. But only if I know you like it.”

I nodded. We had an agreement.

“So, is now a good time,” Chan reached down to unfasten his towel from around his waist, “to push you back on this bed, shimmy up to your mouth and fuck the hell out of it?”

“Yes.” I grinned.

Chan smiled at me and reached up to run his fingers through my hair again. I looked up into his eyes and smiled back.

“I like you, Chan,” I stated simply.

“I like you, too, Jisung.” He replied.

Then I was suddenly pressed against the bed, and Chan’s cock was in my face, ready to fuck my mouth again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHEESH DID Y'ALL SEE THE NEW IN LIFE REPACKAGE TRAILER??? & TEASER PICS??? HOLY SHIT HYUNJIN PINK/SILVER HAIR + FELIX MULLET UGH PERIOD !!!! also tysm for all your nice comments omg <3333333 i literally don't deserve u...... anyways the love birds are back <3 & jisung's mom might be the best character in this story lol sorry i don't make the rules ALSJJDFJ ok i hope you enjoy this chapter!

Saturday morning, I awoke on my side, Chan behind me, playing the role of big spoon. His right arm was wrapped tightly around me, pulling me against him as he dozed behind me. At first, I was confused, but mostly worried. What if my mom came in and found us like this? Then I woke up a little more and remembered that Chan had fallen asleep on the air mattress on the floor. After we heard my mom come in and go to bed, we locked my door, and he climbed into bed with me. At first, we both just laid on our backs, staring up at the ceiling. We were about to take another step over the line that we had mentally and arbitrarily drawn in the sand that was our relationship.

_Things were changing._

_How far were they going to go?_

_How far would we let them go?_

As if we both silently made up our minds to not over-analyze every move we made, I had turned on my side away from Chan. In less time than it took to take a breath, he had turned towards me, wrapped his arm around me, and pulled me into him. His hand tentatively traveled along my chest, my stomach, feeling my skin, and testing how my body felt next to his. Under his touch. He must have decided that he liked what he felt because he held me tightly, nuzzled his face into my hair on the pillow, and fell asleep.

It wasn’t long after that I had drifted off as well. Now I was lying wrapped up in his arms as he breathed gently against my neck. His lips were barely against my skin, as though locked in a gentle, perpetual kiss against my skin. I didn’t want to—God I tried not to—but I smiled to myself. This felt…good. It felt okay. It didn’t feel awkward or wrong or too much. Everything about it just felt enough.

Chan started to wake, his body moving incrementally as he slowly woke up. He moved his head, his face rubbing against the back of my neck, tickling me, which made me giggle. He froze for a moment, as though he had forgotten where he was, but when he realized what was going on, he rubbed his face more roughly against my neck playfully. I squirmed, acting as though I would get away from him, but he held me tightly in place, assaulting the back of my neck with his face over and over.

Finally, he allowed me enough space so that I could turn over onto my back so that I could see him again. His version of _“bed head”_ was absolutely adorable, and his _“just woke up”_ face made me smile at him. Chan propped his head up with one hand while his other laid against my chest. He smiled back at me, looking completely content, though still slightly asleep. The languid movements of his eyelids as he smiled down at me was nothing short of sexy.

“Good morning.” He stated lowly, thickly.

“Good morning back,” I replied as his fingers stroked my bare chest.

Chan stared at me for a moment as his fingers played along my chest before bringing his hand to the side of my face and pulling me towards him. He moved his face down gently to kiss me on the lips. He held his lips against mine for several moments, giving me a deep and passionate, yet gentle kiss. When he pulled away, he was smiling, and it took a moment for his eyes to open back up again.

“I’ve never kissed anyone _‘good morning’_ before.” He gave a lopsided grin at this.

“I’ve never been kissed by anyone other than my mother.” I smiled back. “And she stopped kissing me on the lips when I was four.”

His hand stayed against my face, his fingers now stroking my cheek as he stared down at me.

“So,” I chewed on my bottom lip, “we’re still dating, right?”

He grinned widely, his teeth white and perfect in the daylight sun.

“Unless you have a problem with that.” He teased.

“Thought you might change your mind.” I shrugged.

He frowned, his hand faltering against my cheek. After a moment, he rubbed my cheek with his fingers again, then his thumb slid gently along my lips as he looked down at me.

“I’ve never been more terrified of anything in my life.” He snorted. “And, at the same time, never so sure. Does that make sense?”

I nodded.

“I’m not promising this is going to be easy…or that I won’t need some help learning how to be…this…but I do want to be this. I want us. All of this. If you’re willing to help me do that.” He practically whispered. “I don’t know where it’s headed, but if you’ll be there, I want to be there, too. Are you cool with that?”

“Yes.” I breathed out. 

He smiled.

“So…you don’t regret…what you did?”

He smiled evilly before moving his mouth to my ear. “You mean when I took your cock in my mouth and sucked you better than you’ve ever been sucked before?”

“Yeah. That.” I giggled, squirming as his breath tickled my ear.

“No, Jisung.” He breathed heavily against my ear. “I don’t regret it at all. And I’m going to do it again tonight.”

“Okay.” I breathed my answer again, trying to control myself. “But just so you know, you were my first, so you won the trophy of ‘best’ by default.”

“You’re a shit.” He pulled away from me with a smile, his face now over mine. “You love giving me crap, don’t you?”

I shrugged again. “Something to do.”

He just looked into my eyes for several moments, his hand cupping my face again.

“What?” I chuckled nervously.

“I’ve had a girlfriend before.” He stated.

“I kinda figured.” I laughed.

“Sophomore year.” He continued, ignoring me. “She was nice. Park Chaewon. You know her, right?”

“I know of her.” I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah.” He laughed. “She can be a bitch. But she was nice to me. She was…I don’t know…she was hot, I guess.”

I frowned.

“We kissed some. Held hands.” His fingers were playing along my cheek again. “Sometimes she really turned me on. And she loved being my girlfriend. But…I never really wanted to be with her. It was just—she was just a checkbox on a list of compulsory high school experiences. My first girlfriend. No girl since then has made me really look at her twice. She and I never…did it…or anything.”

I just listened as he talked.

“Um, before you and I…before I did…”

“Skip that part.” I offered.

“Thank you.” He chuckled nervously. “You were my first, too, I guess is what I’m trying to tell you.”

I couldn’t help it. My eyes grew wide at that revelation.

“Don’t look so surprised.” He teased. “I don’t have nearly as much game as people seem to think.”

“It’s just,” I shrugged, “I figured you were screwing every girl you wanted.”

He frowned at that. “Well, I…after Chaewon, no one ever made me want to screw them. Until you.”

Heat rose in my cheeks.

“I don’t know how you do this to me.” He whispered, his mouth drawing very close to mine. “But I do know one thing.”

“What’s that?” I breathed against his mouth.

“I don’t give a fuck, Jisung.” He laughed lightly. “I just want you to keep doing it. This spell or whatever, this hold you have over me, I don’t want it to go away.”

“No game my ass.” I sighed against his lips. “You just got fucking Shakespearean up in here.”

He didn’t laugh or smile.

“It’s really fucking hard for me not to tell you everything that pops into my head, Jisung.” Then his mouth was against mine.

This kiss was deeper and more passionate than our _“good morning”_ kiss, and I felt myself melt into it, allowing myself to enjoy it more than I had any of the other kisses. When Chan pulled away finally, it was if he was having to force himself to pull his mouth away from mine. 

“I hate to do this.” He sighed contentedly. “Because I don’t want to leave this bed.”

“What is it?” I frowned.

“I really need food.” He laughed before kissing the tip of my nose.

My stomach grumbled.

“I think you do, too.”

“Yeah.” I relented. “I don’t know what we have in the house, but I guess I could—”

“Let’s go eat a real breakfast.” He smiled wickedly at me. “Donuts.”

“Real breakfast to you is donuts?”

“We’ll get some pigs in a blanket so that it doesn’t seem quite as bad.” He laughed loudly.

I rolled my eyes.

“I’ll pay.” He wriggled his eyebrows at me.

“In that case…”

Before he could grab ahold of me again, I had slid out of bed and into some boxers. Chan laughed at me as I dressed before he could even get out of the bed. I finished off my getting dressed routine with jazz hands.

“You’re just special, Jisung.” He shook his head as he rose from the bed and stared at me.

“You better put on some clothes.” I blushed as he stood there naked. “Unless you plan to get back into the bed.”

Chan blushed at the compliment but finally reached for his clothes after he gave me a moment to ogle him. Once we were both dressed, we crept out of my room and downstairs, then out of the house, careful not to wake my mom. We piled into Chan’s SUV, buckled up, and we were off to find donuts and sausages inside dough.

-

An hour later and the two of us were sitting on my bed, crossed-leg, eating out of the same box of food as we talked. Chan was talking about the edibility of chocolate glazed versus plain glazed donuts, and why apple fritters and bear claws were not the same things, regardless of what some people thought. He had already treated me to a few minutes of a monologue about why spicy sausage was better than plain sausage inside of a pig in a blanket. While I didn’t disagree with a lot of his thoughts, I found most of them funny. I’d never had such a long discussion about something as humble as a dough wrapped sausage.

“Do you think your mother would love you just as much if you killed someone in a really horrific, psychotic, sociopathic way?” Chan asked as he snatched another pig out of the box.

I almost choked. “I’m sorry?”

Chan laughed at my expression.

“Why do you ask that?” I laughed nervously with him.

“Just answer the question, sir.”

“I don’t think so.” I shook my head. “I mean, in self-defense, definitely. A moment of passion, maybe. But just because I was a crazy bastard, no.”

“Mine would.” Chan took a bite.

“Is…is that a brag of some sort?” I snorted.

He chuckled. “No. Total opposite.”

He chewed his bite while looking down at the box, looking completely pensive about the topic he had brought up.

“Although I really don’t want to get on the topic of murdering people in cold blood,” I stated evenly, “what the fuck, dude?”

Chan laughed and swallowed his bite.

“Your mom.” He gestured vaguely with the half-eaten pig. “She loves you even though she knows you’re gay. In fact, she doesn’t even think it’s a big deal. Or a deal of any size, really.”

“Right?”

“My parents,” He looked at the pig in his hand, “they’d rather I killed someone in cold blood than be dating a guy.”

I took another bite of my donut, chewing slowly as I did anything but look at Chan.

“They love the family,” Chan explained. “As a whole. The family they envisioned. The one they created. But they don’t love us as individuals. They love what they think we can bring to the table for the family as a unit. But…if we step out of line from their perfect vision of family, then…well, we’re not family to them anymore. Killing someone? Big deal. We’re rich. We can afford lawyers. You can spin a murder. Your son being a butt pirate—well, money can’t fix that.”

I finally looked back up at Chan. “Are you saying that this isn’t a good idea?”

He snorted. “I’m saying that my family is not my family. They don’t love me for me. They love me for the person they think I should be. For them. And…I’m saying that your mom seems like a really good mom.”

“You’re always welcome here,” I replied a little too quickly. “I can’t pretend to speak for my mom…but I know, if she knew…that…she would say the same thing.”

Chan gave me a small, bashful smile before chunking his half-eaten pig back into the box.

“Lay with me for a bit?” He held his hand out to me.

I put my half-eaten donut back into the box and moved the box to the floor before grabbing Chan’s hand and sliding up to the head of the bed with him. Chan laid on his back and held his arms out to me. I crawled into his arms and laid against him, my head against his chest. Chan’s arms wrapped around my body as his chin laid gently against the top of my head. I draped my arm over his chest and held him as he held me.

After several moments of lying there, holding each other, Chan reached into his shorts’ pocket and pulled out his phone. He held it out to me, his chin still against the top of my head. I reached out to grab his phone, wondering why exactly he was handing it to me. He breathed a sigh-like breath against my hair as he spoke.

“Play a song.” He stated gently. “Something that makes you feel something. Even if it’s not the song you wouldn’t play the other night. Just play me something you love.”

I looked up at him for a moment as he stared up at the ceiling, holding me in his arms, waiting for a song.

“Okay,” I stated simply.

Opening the Spotify app, I typed in the name of the song I had in mind and clicked on the title to play. I turned the volume up and set the phone beside us, snuggling deeply into Chan’s arms as Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens began. It wasn’t the song that I had planned to play the night Chan had asked me to play a love song…but it did make me feel something. 

At first, Chan seemed confused by the instrumental song, his arms loose around me, as though at any moment he would accuse me of teasing him. But he continued to listen to the song, his arms holding me more tightly to him as the song swelled. As the song built, Chan was holding me tightly to him, and I could tell from my head being against his chest that he was nearly holding his breath as the song played. When the song came to its final build, Chan inhaled sharply through his nose, his arms clenching at me. As the song drifted to a close, his arms loosened around me slightly.

Chan had a world of pain laid out before him. I hadn’t met his family…but now, I definitely didn’t want to. At least, not if it wasn’t necessary. Being with me, doing what we were doing, it might be the cause of him losing his family. If people at school found out, he would probably be ostracized by the other athletic kids. The popular kids. It might even cause his parents to stop loving him—if they ever had loved him. None of this was a concern for me in my life.

Is this really fair to him?

I looked up at him, and he was staring up at the ceiling still. His eyes looked watery, and it seemed as if he might have been fighting to keep them from spilling over. Finally, after what seemed like several moments of him battling with the emotions of the song, he turned his head down, looking me in the eyes. 

“Thank you.” He whispered.

I nodded. 

Now was not the time to worry about whether or not what we were doing was fair to Chan. He felt whatever he felt. Only he could decide where he wanted to go from that moment on.

And I had to be ready for either path.

-

“You boys look comfortable.” My mother yawned as she came down the stairs later in the day.

Chan and I were sitting on the couch, both of us with our feet up on the coffee table, a big bowl of popcorn between us on the cushion. Both of us had showered, but we were still essentially in clothes that passed for pajamas. Basketball shorts and t-shirts—the natural uniform of the couch potato. After laying in bed for most of the late morning, and then getting showered, we decided that watching garbage T.V. was the best way to spend the afternoon hours. Sometimes you gotta check out.

I tilted my head back to smile at my mom as she walked by.

“Good morning.” I quipped.

“Good morning, baby.” She smiled and bent down, planting a kiss on my forehead before I could move.

Chan laughed as I acted grossed out.

“You must be Chan?” My mom looked down at him.

“Um, yes ma’am.” Chan turned his head to look at her directly.

Chan started to reach as though to shake her hand, but my mom just ruffled his hair like he was one of her own kids.

“Nice to meet you, sweetheart.” She stated sleepily and moved on towards the kitchen.

Chan smiled at me goofily, his hand still hovering in mid-air. I shrugged in a _“that’s how she is”_ way before jumping up from the sofa. Mom was digging through the cabinet for her favorite coffee mug when I entered the kitchen. The living room basically opened into the kitchen through a large doorway, so it wasn’t that private from the living room. I hopped up on the counter next to the coffee machine, letting my legs dangle as my mom started to pour herself her first morning cup.

“You look tired,” I stated.

“I feel tired.” She replied, not taking it as an insult. “Last night was hell. I think half the county was in for one reason or another.”

“Ouch.” I grimaced.

“It’s what I signed up for.” She smiled proudly. “You boys enjoying your weekend together?”

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“Good.” She replied before blowing into the mug of coffee and taking her first sip.

My mom started to walk away towards the fridge but I kind of nudged her in the arm. When she looked up at me, I motioned for her to come closer. Mom looked confused for a second, then glanced towards the living room before moving closer to me so that we could talk more privately. I didn’t know how to do something like this, so I decided that the direct approach was best.

“We’re dating,” I stated simply in a hushed tone.

Somehow, I knew Chan was listening. I didn’t hear a hand rustling in the popcorn tub. The only sound coming from the living room was the television. My mom just cocked an eyebrow at me.

“I know.” I sighed. “I told you that wasn’t the case, but last night…things changed.”

“Did they…change…enough that we need to go buy condoms?” She asked in her nurse’s voice.

No judgment. No disgust. No disappointment. Just a need for pertinent information.

“No.” I shook my head. “I mean, we’ve…yeah…but no. No condoms are needed at this juncture.”

My mom studied my face for a minute, and for a second, I was worried that disappointment or disgust would show on her face. Instead, she just shrugged.

“Okay.” She replied lowly. “But don’t have anal sex without condoms. You can get STI’s from bacteria in the human anus that have nothing to really do with things like gonorrhea, or…well, just be responsible.”

I smiled at her.

She rolled her eyes but smiled back.

“Thank you,” I stated. “I love you.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” She reached up with the hand not holding her mug and cupped my cheek. “I love you, too. You know that.”

“It’s nice to be reminded sometimes.” I chuckled.

“Well, let me go really look at him then.” My mom slapped my cheek lightly before turning on her heels towards the doorway.

“Mom!” I laughed, hopping off the counter, hot on her heels.

I tried to get between her and the doorway, but my mother was not one to be denied her parental rights. She leaned against the doorjamb and brought her coffee mug to her lips, staring at Chan. He was still sitting on the sofa but looked rigid as a board. He knew I had told my mom that we were dating. And he was rightfully concerned about the outcome. My mom examined Chan like a creep for several moments, sipping her coffee, as I stood at her side, completely helpless in the doorway.

Finally, Chan turned to look at my mom, a worried smile on his face. My mom sipped her coffee more as they looked at each other. Chan grew more and more nervous and awkward as my mother calmly checked him out. It was the first time that I’d seen Chan look nervous around anyone but me. Ever. It was kind of nice seeing him squirm.

“Bang Chan, right?” My mom asked as she brought the coffee away from her lips.

“Um, yes ma’am.” He replied.

“Football.” She nodded as if confirming something in her mind. “Broke your wrist at the end of freshmen football season.”

“Um, yeah.” He nodded. “How’d you know?”

“ER Nurse.” She winked. “I remember you. And you go by Chan so…well, there you have it.”

“Oh.” Chan chuckled lightly.

“Well, you’re too handsome for my son, but that’s your choice.” My mom shrugged before taking the last swallow of coffee. “You boys just be careful. Okay?”

“Oh, um, yeah.” Chan turned beet red. “Yes, ma’am.”

My mom handed me her coffee mug.

“Pour me another cup, sweetheart.” She asked. “I’m going to go get my shower before I talk myself into going back to bed.”

“Okay.” I chuckled as I took the mug.

As mom walked by the sofa again, she leaned down and kissed the top of Chan’s hair before ruffling it again.

“I’m glad you’re here, sweetheart.” She stated simply before heading up the stairs.

We both watched and waited as she disappeared up the stairs once more. Finally, when we heard her enter her bedroom, we looked at each other. Chan had a too-wide grin on his face as he looked over from his spot on the couch.

“Welcome to the family, I guess.” I shrugged.

-

Chan was sitting on my stomach, my face eighteen inches from the bulge in his basketball shorts. I was running my hands up his stomach to his chest, feeling his skin beneath my hands as he looked down at me. The smile on his face wasn’t lurid or lascivious—his smile was more than his mouth. It was his eyes and the way his hands held gently to my forearms as I ran them over his chest. This was a new position for us. Not just Chan sitting on my stomach as I laid on my bed, but the method that we went about this.

My hands played along his toned and defined pecs, traveled along the valley created by his sternum, down over his abs again, tickling at his bellybutton, making him squirm slightly. Feelin’ Love by Paula Cole was on its second play through the tiny speaker of Chan’s phone. If I had seen something like this in a movie, I probably would have barfed. But with Chan, it just seemed like the most natural thing for two people learning every inch of each other’s bodies would do.

“Is this too cheesy?” Chan asked as though he had read my mind.

“Just cheesy enough?” I suggested.

He chuckled.

“I’m torn between completely destroying you and doing this for hours.” Chan ran his hands over my forearms as if memorizing their feel in his hands. “It’s a struggle.”

“We have all night.” I wriggled my eyebrows at him. “Why can’t we do both?”

Chan’s grin expanded to an almost Joker-like width.

“Your body is…” I sighed as I settled my hands on either of his hips.

“Pretty good, right?” He winked.

“Look who has body confidence all of a sudden.” I teased.

“I don’t have to worry with you.”

I gave a confused smile.

“I—I trust you.” 

“Trust me to not be lying when I say how amazing it is?” I asked.

“I just trust you.” He replied, his hands now on my chest, caressing my skin. “You’re…you’re just you, Jisung. I don’t doubt…this. This feels right. Like, even if we were never able to have sex again—this might be enough.”

“You’re putting out, Chan.” I frowned up at him. “I’m getting some dick tonight. So, don’t try to get out of it.”

Chan collapsed on top of me in a fit of laughter, his ass sliding down to my groin, his neck pressing into my face.

God, he’s so much broader than me.

He laughed wildly, jiggling our bodies as his ass pressed into my crotch, and if I hadn’t been working on an erection before, this would have changed that. Chan shifted slightly and his ass pushed against the hardness in my boxers and slowly he stopped moving. The laughter died away.

“Do I really turn you on that much?” Chan bent his neck to whisper in my ear.

“A little bit.” I gave a throaty chuckle.

Chan ground himself against me gently, eliciting a small gasp from me.

“Do you want to…be inside of me?” Chan said it in such a small voice and so quickly that I almost couldn’t tell what he had asked.

The thought made me have a full body shiver. 

“Would you—would you do that?” I turned my head to speak directly into his face.

“Maybe.” He giggled nervously. “I don’t know. I mean…I want to. I want to do anything you want to do, Jisung. Will it hurt?”

I shrugged with a nervous giggle.

“I’ve never done that.” Obvious truths don’t qualify as confessions. “But something tells me that it won’t feel great. At least not at first.”

“I don’t think I could do it.” He shook his head. “I mean, not first.”

Our noses were touching as we looked into each other’s eyes.

“What if I went first?” I asked, my lips brushing against his.

Chan stared into my eyes.

“Do you want to be…inside of me?” I asked lowly, my nose rubbing against his.

“Oh, my God, yes.” Chan breathed out. “Would you let me do that?”

I started to shrug but stopped myself. “Yes.”

“Would it change things?” He asked. “Would it make you feel differently?”

“I mean, I might walk funny after…but it won’t change this.”

Chan couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re awfully big.” I squeezed a hand between us to grab him through his pants.

Chan groaned lightly and ground his pelvis against my hand, his ass rubbing against my erection again.

“But we need to stop talking about it.” I sighed, rubbing him.

“And just do it?” He asked, breathing into my neck.

“No.” I gave a nervous laugh. “We don’t have condoms. We need to get some…or do other things.”

“Oh. My. God!” Chan gave a frustrated laugh. “Did you know that when you started this?”

“Hey.” I snorted. “You were the one who asked if I wanted to be inside of you, sir.”

Chan frowned, knowing that there was no way to argue that point. I rubbed my hand along the length of him again, and he forgot about arguing. Instead, he ground his crotch into my hand and smothered my mouth with his own. I returned his kiss as though drinking from his body—the thirstiest man alive. Chan’s hip movements rubbed him against my rock-hard cock and my hand along the length of his. Chan’s breath was coming out faster and more ragged.

“I’m not going to last long this time.” Chan gasped against my ear.

“Me neither.” I groaned.

Before I could say anything else, Chan had spun around on top of me, putting his crotch in my face and bent his back slightly so that his face lined up with mine. In unison, we fished each other’s cocks out, as though this had been planned along, and shoved our mouths over each other. Within moments of the beginning of our head bobs, I knew we were both on the precipice of spilling over into each other’s mouths. 

Chan came first, spilling hot and thick into my mouth. His groans around my cock pushed me over the edge, and then I was spilling into his mouth, too. We both continued to suck and groan, swallowing each other down as our bodies thrashed and spasmed. Once our orgasms subsided and we had both swallowed everything, Chan laid on top of me, our cocks still deep in each other’s mouths. We were both beginning to go soft as Chan crawled off of me and threw himself down beside me.

“Ya’ know.” Chan was breathing heavy still. “We’re doing that again in thirty minutes. Soon as we recharge.”

“You are a horny bastard.” I teased.

Chan turned to lay on his side and pushed his mouth into mine.

“Only for you.” He spoke against my lips when he pulled away.

-

Sunday came too soon. But time is unavoidable. It moves forward, no matter how much you try to will it to stand still. Chan and I were sitting on the couch together, side by side, our hips touching, his arm around my shoulders as I laid against him. We had spent all of Saturday night performing depraved acts on each other, stopping only for water, food, and bathroom breaks. Now that mid-afternoon Sunday was upon us, we both knew that we’d have to separate for a whole night. It was unspoken, but neither of us wanted that.

“I see there’s no pretense now.” My mom stated mockingly as she came down the stairs.

I started to pull away from Chan, but he held me tightly to him.

“Is this okay?” He tilted his head to look at my mom.

She bent down to kiss him on the forehead.

“I’ve seen couples sit with each other before, sweetheart.” She ruffled his hair, then mine. “Wash your own sheets this weekend, Sungie.”

Chan blushed deeply and gave an involuntary snort.

“Mom!” I gasped as she walked towards the kitchen.

“I just meant that I won’t have time.” She replied over her shoulder. “I don’t know what you were thinking.”

“That’s entrapment!” I hollered as Chan held me to him.

“Get a lawyer.” She called from the kitchen.

Chan smiled and pulled my face to his for a kiss.

“I better go.” He whispered to me. “You need to spend some time with your mom before she goes to work.” 

“No.” I frowned. “I mean, I know. And I want to. I just don’t want you to go.” 

“This is gross, right?” He rubbed my nose with his.

“The worst.” I chuckled.

Chan stood against my protesting. My mom was leaning against the doorjamb between the kitchen and the living room again.

“You leaving, sweetheart?” She asked before sipping her coffee.

“Um, yes, ma’am,” Chan responded as he picked up his bag. “I have to go home and do homework and stuff.”

“Okay.” She smiled. “Well, don’t be a stranger. Though, I have no doubt that we’ll see you next weekend.”

Chan blushed again.

“Thank you for letting me stay.” He replied. “You have a really nice home. I really like staying here.”

“We like having you.” She jabbed her coffee mug at him in some type of _‘toast._ ’

“So,” I walked Chan to the door, “I’ll see you in the morning?”

“Seven.” He gave me a sharp nod. “On the dot.”

I leaned in to give him a kiss, and he looked over my shoulder at my mom. I turned my head to look at her. She rolled her eyes and put a hand over her face so she wouldn’t technically be spying. Chan and I gave each other a quick kiss. Much too quickly.

“See you in the morning.” He sighed with a smile, then spoke over my shoulder. “Thank you again.”

“Anytime, sweetheart.” She responded.

Then Chan was gone. I turned to look at my mom. She was just smiling at me. I rolled my eyes and went over and plopped down on the couch.

“So,” She began, “were we careful last night?”

My shoulders slumped. I loved my mother. I could talk to her. But sometimes I didn’t want to talk about that.

“We didn’t do…that,” I responded. “We didn’t have condoms, so…”

I trailed off.

“Got it.” She responded. “He’s a sweet boy.”

“A sweet boy?” I turned to level her with my eyes.

“He’s your boyfriend.” She shrugged. “You’re my son. He’s a sweet boy. That’s a perfectly typical ‘mom thing’ to say.”

I gave a relenting nod. She stood there watching me as I watched the T.V., drinking her coffee.

“Okay.” I grabbed the remote and turned the T.V. off. “What?”

“Nothing.” She waved me off.

“Spill it, mom.”

“Do you like him?”

“I think that’s perfectly obvious.” I frowned at her.

She cocked an eyebrow at me.

“What?” I laughed.

“How much do _you_ like him?” She gave me a ‘you must be dense’ look.

I stared back at her, dumbfounded. Mostly because I had never been brave enough to ask myself that question. At least, not in a way that I actually had to acknowledge that was what I was actually thinking. I sat there, staring at her, but not really seeing her, as I thought about what the last two nights had meant to me. What the previous nine days had meant to me. Had it really only been that long? Our little affair seemed like a lifetime already.

“That’s what I thought.” My mom chuckled to herself.

“What does that mean?” I grumbled.

“I think someone has the bug.” She replied. “Someone—in this room—may be in—”

“Stop right there, lady.”

“He’s very good looking.” My mom stated. “Hot, I think you kids say. He’s definitely not the type of guy I thought you’d bring home one day. If I was ten years younger—”

“Try twenty.”

“Rude.” She frowned. “Besides, he’s gay, so it’s really moot.”

“Well,” I shrugged, “yeah.”

“What’s that shrug for?”

“He’s,” I searched for the right way to put it, “I’m the first…guy…well, person, he’s been with in that way.”

“I see.”

“Do you?” I cocked an eyebrow.

My mom stared at me for a moment, then slammed the rest of her coffee. She brought the mug away from her lips and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

“The first guy I was with?”

“Yeah?”

“He didn’t stick around to snuggle on the couch the next day.” She said. “He didn’t meet my mother. He didn’t give me a kiss as he left and promise to see me the next morning.”

“So?”

“I don’t think you’re the only one with the bug, Sungie. First person or not, you aren’t just an experiment.” She winked at me before turning and going back into the kitchen for more coffee.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg i just had to update in honor of back door dropping bECAUSE WHAT A FCKING BOP !!!! everytime i think skz can't outdo themselves they just :)))))) anyways i know this story took a 180 but i hope you still enjoy it hahaha. tysm for reading & commenting! love u all

“I don’t think I can meet in the West Annex today for lunch.” Chan was sipping his coffee as I drove us in my car.

He had decided that it was my turn to drive us for once. His car was in my driveway at my house.

“Okay,” I replied, sipping my coffee as well.

He gave me a smile and a furrowed brow.

“What?” I laughed.

“You’re just okay with that?” He asked. “You’re not even going to ask me why or anything?”

“Are you going to do something underhanded or evil?”

“Well, no.”

“I trust you, Chan,” I replied, pulling into the school parking lot. “If you can’t meet, you can’t meet.”

Chan grinned widely at me as I parked my car and finally turned to him in my seat.

“I trust you, too, Jisung.” He replied. “I like trusting someone. I like having someone trust me.”

“Me too.”

“Do you want me to hang out at your house after practice, babe?” He asked as he turned to unhook his seatbelt.

We both froze.

There it was.

_A cutesy term of endearment._

You don’t come back from that.

We were in deep.

“If you want to…babe,” I responded, realizing it was actually nice.

“First off, of course I want to.” He blushed. “Secondly, was that okay? It felt okay.”

I reached over to lay a hand on his thigh. Within the boundaries of the high school, we had to make sure people didn’t see any tender moments between us. Someone might see me reach up and touch his face in the car, but they wouldn’t see me grab his thigh.

“It was okay.” I smiled. “It was more than okay.”

“Babe.” He said it again, as though seeing how it felt in his mouth when uttered intentionally. “Yeah. I like it. I like it a lot.”

He said the last part like Jim Carrey, making me snicker.

“Let’s skip.” Chan smiled evilly. “We’ll go to my house. No one will be home. We’ll do dirty things to each other all day—awful, disrespectful things—and make out like the teenagers we are. All. Day. Long.”

I breathed out heavily, knowing that if I were a less responsible student, I would have turned the key in the ignition immediately. As things were, I almost did as he requested. Instead, I shook my head with a smile.

“No.” I sighed. “I mean, my mom’s pretty liberal with the rules. You stayed with me all weekend even though she knew we were having sex. But if I start skipping school…”

“I know.” He chuckled. “I didn’t really mean it. Well, not really really. But…we’ve got twenty minutes. Doesn’t mean we can’t talk about it.”

“True.” I wriggled my eyebrows. “What would we do first?”

“Well, first, I’d strip you completely naked,” Chan spoke lowly, his voice thick. “Then I’d lick you all the way from—'

We both jumped at the knocking on the car window. I turned my head to see Seungmin standing there, waving goofily in at me. I laughed nervously and turned the key in the ignition so that I could roll the window down.

“Hey, asswipe.” I laughed.

“Hey, dicklick,” Seungmin replied automatically. “What’re you…guys…doing?”

“Just waiting until the last minute.” Chan held up his iced coffee in a ‘salute’ to Seungmin, as though they’d always been friends.

“Sweet!” Seungmin cheered.

Before I could say anything, he had opened the back door and jumped into the backseat of the car. He slid to the middle of the seat so we both could see him well enough. Chan gave me an amused look, but I was irritated. I wanted to hear the rest of what Chan planned to do if we had skipped school.

“So…did you guys get me a coffee?” Seungmin teased.

I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, but Chan just gave me a smile that said ‘he’s just messing with us.’

“Hell, no,” I answered. “We didn’t even invite you into the car.”

“Rude.” Seungmin laughed.

“Here.” I shoved my drink at him, which was still three-quarters full.

“Sweet!” Seungmin cheered and immediately began slurping down the rest of my coffee, obviously unconcerned with germs.

Chan grinned and handed me his. I waved him off with a smile of my own. It was sweet that he was willing to give up his coffee, but it was my own fault that I now didn’t have a coffee. Being nice to a friend had made me coffee-less, so I’d just have to deal with it.

“So, how was the sleepover?” Seungmin perked up from the backseat.

Chan and I both just raised our eyebrows at each other.

“Your car was at Jisung’s all weekend,” Seungmin spoke to Chan. “I pass by his house whenever I go to work.”

“He’s a little spy.” I murmured to Chan.

“It was great,” Chan replied. “We braided each other’s hair and talked about boys.”

Seungmin laughed. I laughed. Chan laughed.

Everyone laughed.

My stomach, on the other hand, was in knots.

“Seriously.” Seungmin continued. “You guys dating now or what?”

My stomach dropped. I looked at Chan with pleading eyes. Pleading for him not to freak out. He just sipped his coffee.

“What if we are?” Chan stated in a controlled tone.

“Then I don’t know why my best friend hasn’t told me.” Seungmin rolled his eyes. “I mean, I can keep a secret.”

I just looked over at Chan, not sure what to do.

“Well, we are,” Chan replied.

“Cool.” Seungmin nodded his head. “I mean, I kinda figured you guys were dating, but I didn’t want to say anything ‘cause I know that’s kind of a big thing and all. But curiosity got the better of me and—'

“You can’t tell anyone, Seungmin.” I spun in my seat to point an angry finger at him.

Chan’s eyes got wide. Seungmin just sipped his coffee and stared at me like I was stupid.

“Who the hell am I going to tell even if I wanted to, Jisung?” He rolled his eyes. “I’m just asking ‘cause you’re my friend. And you’re dating this guy that used to make your life a living hell.”

“Ya’ know how guys in middle school are mean to girls they like?” Chan stated simply.

“I knew it.” Seungmin nodded. “Had a boner for my bestie.”

“Ew.” I turned back in my seat.

“Several.” Chan actually smiled.

“Stop it!” I actually squealed.

“He loves my boners.” Chan continued.

I didn’t even respond to Chan’s comment or Seungmin’s laughter. I grabbed my bag and jumped out of the car. I wasn’t mad—just embarrassed. Seungmin had figured out what was going on with absolutely no help from me. And Chan didn’t even care in the slightest. In fact, he was discussing us dating with Seungmin like the two of them had been besties for years. Both of them jumped out of the car and followed me, laughing as they caught up.

“Don’t be upset, babe,” Chan stated lowly as he ran up alongside me.

“I’m not upset.” I grimaced. “Just embarrassed.”

“Because you’re with me?” He frowned.

“No!” I rolled my eyes. “I don’t want my best friend talking to you about our sex life.”

“Oh, please.” Seungmin was now on my other side, tagging along. “I knew you were gay. You all but told me. I figured at some point some other guy’s dick would factor into the equation. Just didn’t figure you had enough game to land a football player.”

Chan laughed.

“Okay.” I spun to face them both. “This conversation ends here, assholes. This isn’t a school topic.”

Chan was just staring at me as more cars started to pull into the parking lot behind him.

“What?” I sighed.

“It’s just kind of nice that now I can talk to your mom and one of your friends without worrying.” He shrugged. “That’s all.”

“Yeah.” Seungmin shrugged, too. “I don’t care, man.”

“Well, can you two save it for your own sleepover?” I teased.

“Is that an invitation to come hang out?” Seungmin smiled.

Chan and I frowned at him.

“I’m not trying to get a three-way going, ya’ perverts.” He laughed. “I’m straight. I literally meant ‘hang out,’ not have a circle jerk.”

“Let’s not rule anything out.” Chan teased.

“That’s it.” I threw up my hands. “I’m going to class.”

Chan and Seungmin chased after me, both of them laughing hysterically.

-

All during my first four classes, all I could think about was the situation with Chan and Seungmin. I knew it was hypocritical, or just plain odd on my part, but I didn’t understand why Chan was so willing to be open with Seungmin about our new relationship. A week-and-a-half prior, we had both been mortal enemies. Then Chan and I had had our first sexual encounter behind Barrows after work. Then we did it again the next day. And the next. And now Chan and I were dating.

He had been this God-like straight jock—I had thought—and now he was like a totally different person. I liked this person a lot. Like, a lot. But I just didn’t get it. When I had said we could keep everything quiet from everyone but my mom, he had seemed so relieved. But as soon as Seungmin had questioned us, he had spilled the beans. It was almost like he was itching to tell the truth about us to the first person available.

This version of Chan was exactly what I wanted, but I also couldn’t shake the feeling that I didn’t know this version of Chan either. But was that a bad thing? Had I entered into this relationship thinking that Chan was one thing, but he really was completely different. Sure, sweet, caring, boyfriend Chan was what any high school gay guy would want. Why would it matter if Chan wasn’t the way he had acted for the first year we worked together? The sex wasn’t going to change. We’d still be doing the nasty the way we wanted, but it just made me wonder what else might be different about him.

When lunch time came after fourth period, I had to remind myself to not head to the West Annex to meet Chan for our “alone time.” So, instead, I headed to the cafeteria, resigned to poor quality food but good quality time with my friends. Chan said he’d come home with me after practice anyway, so it was no big deal, really. By the time I had received my tray of food in line, Seungmin was waving erratically at me from across the room. I smiled at him and headed over.

“Sup, assface?” Seungmin quipped as I sat down across from him.

So far, he was the only one of my friends at the table. I had spotted Felix and Jeongin in line when I was getting food, so I knew that they’d be along shortly.

“The rent,” I replied. “And I ain’t payin’.”

“The rent is too damn high!” Seungmin replied. “So, are you still playing your PS3 or what, man? I haven’t seen you online in weeks.”

“Mostly offline stuff.” I shrugged as I lifted the bun on my burger with a grimace. “Skyrim. That kind of thing.”

“Har har.” Seungmin rolled his eyes. “Very funny. Well, if you ever get your ass online, we’ve got tournaments going on all week. The weekends are freaking brutal, though. Don’t know if you’re up for those. The guys that play then are way above your skill level.”

“I know that was meant as an insult, but I don’t really care,” I replied.

Felix and Jeongin joined us at the table. Both of them were arguing over which was better—Marvel or DC—a conversation that I did not want to wander into. I didn’t care for either, and that just made me their target. I didn’t want them to stop fighting with each other to gang up on me. Of course, when your friends are all varieties of nerd, and you don’t even enjoy action movies, it’s best to just keep as quiet as possible on the subject.

Just as I had mustered up enough courage to lift my hamburger to my mouth to take a bite, I felt someone bump into my side. I looked up just as Felix’s and Jeongin’ eyes grew wide. Seungmin was the only one unfazed by the sight. Chan was standing there, tray in hand, smiling down at me. He was pushing against my right shoulder with his hip, trying to make me move. I looked up at him blandly. Immediately, I realized why Chan had said that we couldn’t meet in the West Annex for lunch.

“You going to make room or do I have to shove you again?” He asked.

“I guess I’m going to make room,” I stated blandly as I scooted down closer to Jeongin.

My friends all looked at Chan like he was a lion that had escaped from the zoo. Chan slid in beside me as I bit into my burger, regretting it almost immediately. Chan looked around at my friends cheerfully.

“So…what’s the topic?” He asked before biting into his own burger, not bothering to try to make it palatable with condiments as I had.

“I was telling Jisung that he needs to join our online tournament,” Seungmin replied, stuffing a chicken nugget in his mouth, then proceeded to talk around the mouthful of mush. “But he’s a loser.”

Chan laughed. Jeongin and Felix exchanged a look and a shrug and went back to discussing Marvel versus DC.

“Those two are trying to determine which is better, Marvel or DC.” Seungmin pointed at my other friends with a fry.

“Marvel, clearly,” Chan answered, his mouth full of food as well.

“What?” Jeongin barked. “Are you insane?”

And just like that, my friends forgot that they were sitting with a varsity football player and Chan and Felix began explaining to Jeongin that Guardians of the Universe alone beat DC. At least, I think that’s what they called it. Might have been “galaxy” or “dimension” or something. Seungmin winked at me from across the table as I chewed my burger and picked at my fries, wishing that I had real food. I just rolled my eyes back at him.

Chan’s ability to talk to my friends about action movies, superheroes, PS4 online tournaments, and everything else had him endeared to them by the end of lunch. In fact, it was almost as if they had all been friends longer than I had been friends with them. It was sweet. And annoying as fuck. It just reminded me that this guy was right here this whole time, but he had chosen to treat me like shit for a year. I tried to remind myself that Chan had been hiding a big part of himself for very good reasons, but I still felt annoyed.

“What class do you have next?” Chan asked as we got up from the lunch table together.

“Calc.” I stated simply.

“Ouch,” Chan replied. “Spanish AP here.”

“Mm.”

“You’re still going to watch practice, yeah?” He asked me lowly as we made our way to the trash cans.

“Wouldn’t miss it.” I teased.

“I know you love it.” He laughed. “Then…your house after school?”

I looked around, making sure no one was nearby. My friends had already headed towards the door, on the way to their next classes.

“My mom will be home,” I replied. “But…yeah.”

“I’d say we could go to mine, but same problem.” He smiled. “I think your mom is the lesser of two evils by far.”

I smiled with a nod.

“Do you want me to give you a kiss?” Chan wriggled his eyebrows as he spoke under his breath at the trash cans.

“Are you fucking crazy?” It came out sounding sharper than I had intended.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw several of the football players sitting at their table still, finishing up their meals.

“Fucking crazy for you.” Chan frowned at me.

“Sorry,” I replied simply as my eyes lingered on the football players.

Chan looked over his shoulder quickly, then turned back to me.

“I don’t care who knows, ya’ know.” He stated.

I leaned in as closely as possible without making things look more intimate than need be.

“You don’t know how much you care yet, Chan,” I replied with a sigh. “I’m going to go to class, okay? See you at practice?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Okay.”

I decided to throw him a bone.

“See ya’ then, babe,” I stated in a whisper.

Chan’s frown turned into a grin instantly.

“Okay. Babe.” He nodded.

-

I was sitting in the bleachers as football practice wrapped up. The guys were all huddled around their coach, listening to him rant and rave about some minor infraction one or more of them had committed. The whole thing made me glad that I was not the athletic type. High school coaches were walking, talking advertisements for blood pressure medication. Most of the guys seemed to be taking the berating in stride, however. From what I’d observed during my high school career, I knew this wasn’t their first rodeo with their coach’s temper.

Once the ass chewings were all handed out, the guys all got up to go to the locker room. Chan gave me a wave and pantomimed to give him a minute. I gestured back that I’d be waiting at the car. I draped my bag over my shoulder and left the stadium, walking back to the student parking lots. Fortunately, it wasn’t a far walk, and I had my car to sit in while I waited. It took Chan longer than usual to show up, but once he did, I could tell from his wet hair that he had taken time to shower. I also noticed that another football player, Changbin, was walking alongside him.

I didn’t have anything against Changbin—nor did I know much about him, other than the normal stuff you learn about fellow students whether you want to or not. But he was a football player. Immediately, my guard went up, and I worried about whether or not Changbin was going to follow Chan all the way to my car and actually try to have a conversation. What does one say to an alpha male football jock in high school when one is anything but? Luckily, at the last minute, Changbin broke away from Chan and went to his own car. However, he actually waved at me as he strode off. Meekly, I waved back.

Chan slid into the passenger seat of the car, smelling like fresh soap and shampoo—but not the good kind. The cheap kind the school put in the locker rooms. It was still better than sweaty and grimy smells, though. Chan gave me a wink and reached over to squeeze my thigh discreetly as I started up the car. Once we were out of the parking lot, Chan had leaned over and was kissing me on the neck, then sucking at the skin, trying to devour me as I drove.

“Your side of the car, sir.” I admonished him with a laugh.

“I don’t like going so long without tasting you.” Chan shuddered as he held his face against my neck, breathing me in. “It’s been almost a full day!”

“You can go a few more minutes in order for us to get home safely.” I teased.

“I don’t know.” Chan shook his head as he sat back in his own seat. “We might have to pull over somewhere.”

“Was that Changbin?” I asked just to change the subject.

“Yeah,” Chan replied. “He was telling me that he’s going to plan a Halloween party since his parents will be out of town.”

“That’s cool.”

“I was telling him that I was going to invite you,” Chan stated it like it was the most normal thing in the world. “Since we’re good friends and all now.”

“Is that how you described it?”

“Well, I knew you wouldn’t want me to tell him that we’re dating.” Chan chuckled evilly. “Since you’re ashamed of me and all.”

I sighed as I pulled into my driveway. With a groan, I unlatched my seatbelt and turned to face Chan.

“I’m not ashamed of you.” I glared at him.

“It was just a joke, babe.” He reached over to grab my thigh.

I looked at him for a long moment and sighed, reaching down to grab his hand, intertwining my fingers with his. Chan smiled widely down at our hands.

“I know I seem like a dick.” I began. “But this is all new to you, Chan. I mean, you’ve been with me for less than two weeks—everything is exciting, and different, and the first three people who knew about us—well, they took it well. I’m one of those three, so that should tell you something.”

Chan just stared at me.

“If you tell your friends.” I shook my head. “It might not go well. It might completely change your life. And not necessarily in a good way. Right now, you are excited to be with me, to do the things we do. To feel free. But that could change in seconds if you let the cat out of the bag. You might realize that you were being a little too optimistic instead of being really realistic about what’s going on here.”

“Are you, like, not happy about this?” Chan frowned.

“I’m incredibly happy.” I squeezed his hand in mine. “I just want to know that you know what you’re getting yourself into, Chan.”

Chan kept my hand in his but turned his head to look out of his window. The silence became deafening within seconds.

“My parents would disown me,” Chan stated evenly, still staring out the window. “Probably. They would probably kick me out of their house. I’d be on my own.”

“Maybe.” I agreed.

“The guys on the team might call me names.” Chan continued. “They might make my life so horrible that I’d have to quit the team. They might even get violent. I’m scrappy, but thirty guys against one is impossible.”

“That’s possible, too.” I nodded.

Chan sat there for a moment, then turned to me.

“But they might all surprise me, too.” Chan cocked an eyebrow at me. “They might all just shrug and move on with their lives. Sometimes you have to give people the benefit of the doubt so that you can live your life the way you want.”

“But—'

“And if the worst-case scenario happens—I’ll deal with it.” Chan stopped me. “If my friends can’t deal with me being with a guy, then fuck ‘em. I don’t love football. It’s just something to do while I’m in high school. It’s not like I’m a scholarship player or anything.”

“What about your parents?”

“If they can’t love me even if I love a guy, then that’s their fucking problem, Jisung.” He stated adamantly.

But there it was.

He had said it without meaning to.

He didn’t immediately catch that he had said it.

But he had said it.

My breath was caught in my throat.

Chan looked at me a moment longer before he realized what had just fallen out of his mouth.

He immediately turned to the window again, looking away from me.

I kept my hand in his as he stared out of the side window like he was contemplating which hole he wanted to crawl into. How deep he wanted to bury himself. Wanting to take pity on him, I squeezed his hand tightly.

“I can ignore that last part,” I whispered.

Chan turned on me so quickly that I jumped. But he didn’t pull his hand away.

“I said what I said, Jisung.” He spat.

Not angrily. Not even frustrated. His eyes were tearing up.

“I said what I meant.” He grumbled. “And I wish you’d stop discounting everything I want and say and feel—just because you’re afraid of what it will mean for us. For you.”

I just watched him. This wasn’t my bully. This was Chan. He didn’t scare me by talking loudly like he could have at one time. Because I knew that he wasn’t going to hurt me. At least not on purpose. Not physically.

“I’m not afraid.”

“What will it mean for you if it comes out that you and I are dating?” Chan glowered. “The kids at school will ostracize you? Well, in case you haven’t noticed, it’s not like you’re the Grand Poobah around that shithole. Your mother will still love you. You’ll still have a home. You’ll go off to college next fall—and you’ll go on to lead the life you have been planning. It won’t change much for you at all. But you’re telling me to be worried? I know what all it will mean for my life if I admit that you and I are together. And I’m still willing…no, I’m dying to let it be known.”

I couldn’t form words.

“All or nothing.” Chan gave a sharp nod. “Remember?”

Somehow, I remembered how to nod.

“Are you in or out?” Chan asked.

“I think you know the answer to that.” I chuckled.

Chan chuckled. “But I want to hear you say it, Jisung.”

Staring at Chan, I knew that if he wanted to take a chance that his whole life would get screwed up in an instant, that was his decision. Not mine. I couldn’t tell Chan how to lead his life or what decisions to make. The only thing that I had to think about was whether or not I wanted to go on this journey with him. Without thinking too long, I knew the answer. I wanted to be with Chan. Maybe it wouldn’t last forever. Maybe it would end in a day. A week. A month. A year—even twenty years down the line.

Maybe you’ll get married and adopt Himalayan whistle children together.

“I’m in.” I nodded.

“You hesitated.” Chan laughed nervously.

“My life just flashed before my eyes.” I chuckled.

“Was I in a lot of it?” Chan asked softly, while he batting his eyelashes playfully.

“Yes.”

“That’s good enough for me.” He replied evenly.

“Then we’re both in.” I agreed. “But can we compromise and say that we won’t tell anyone at school or your parents unless it’s absolutely necessary? I don’t want you to possibly deal with your life being torn apart in your last year of high school.”

“Graduation?” Chan asked.

“I can agree to that.” I nodded.

“I’ll tell them then.”

“If we’re still together,” I added.

Chan frowned deeply at me.

“I’m just giving you options here, Chan.”

“I know my choice, Jisung.” He grumbled at me. “The only one here acting like this might not work for them is you.”

I sat back in my seat, pulling my hand away from Chan as I laid my head against the headrest. Chan just watched me as I stared out of the windshield towards the garage door. Why couldn’t I wrap my mind around the fact that Chan was willing to change his life—his entire existence—just to be with me? Was it because he had been my bully less than two weeks prior? Was it because I’d feel guilty? Or was it because I didn’t think he realized how traumatic that might actually be?

“I don’t want to get my heart broken,” I spoke the truth that suddenly dawned on me. “I know first love usually ends in heartbreak.”

And there it was again.

“You love me?” The corner of Chan’s mouth turned up. “You love me, too?”

“Sadly, yes.”

It had been less than two weeks. But Chan had watched me for a year. He knew me. And he had shown me more of himself in two weeks than I had shown him about myself in a year. Why should I question whether or not we loved each other?

Chan laughed. “Sadly, huh?”

“I feel like this is just headed in one direction.” I shook my head. “Disasterville. I mean, if your parents react badly after we’ve been together all school year—”

“Maybe you’re just afraid to be mine?” Chan snorted. “I know that in the past I didn’t really make myself out to be the nicest guy…but I’m here now, Jisung. I’m practically throwing myself at your feet. All I want in return is some faith and commitment. I just want you.”

“That’s all, eh?” I teased.

“I love you, Jisung,” Chan stated simply.

I turned my head to look at him. He grabbed my hand again.

“I love you.” He reiterated. “This isn’t a crush or first-time dating bullshit. I love you. Is that okay? Can you just let this be what it is and stop worrying about what might happen?”

“Okay.” I nodded. “I love you, too, Chan.”

“Do you think your mom would get awfully upset if we went straight to your room and did depraved sexual things to each other?” Chan leaned in so close to my face that I felt his lips whisper against mine.

“Well, I mean, I don’t know if I’m ready to be screwing in my room while my mom is awake.” I laughed. “Knowing that she knows what’s going on might be too much.”

“Boner killer?” Chan winked.

“Little bit.” I agreed. “I’m not quite ready for that.”

“Damnit.” Chan groaned with a smile. “Does that mean that I have to wait for the weekend for more of you?”

“Well, there’s always behind Barrows Thursday night.” I teased.

“Aw, our first date.” Chan chuckled.

I cocked my head with a frown.

“What?”

“We’ve actually never had a date,” I replied.

“Okay.” Chan nodded. “When I come to stay this weekend, we’ll go out Saturday night. I’ll wine and dine you. Then you’ll show me your appreciation by surrendering your body to my every nasty, perverted whim.”

“How nasty and perverted are we talking?”

“Obscene.” He moved his face to mine.

And then we were kissing. Right there. In my car in the driveway in front of my house.

If it weren’t for Seungmin driving by and honking on his way to work, we probably wouldn’t have broken apart to laugh. Luckily, it was just Seungmin. I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen the next time we weren’t careful and let our hormones control us like that.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLEUY SHET WHEN DID THIS REACH OVER 10K HITS???????? LITRALLY INSANE LUV wowowowow tysm. i'm glad you're enjoying this mess.... anyways the babies are back :')))) hope u like this chapter!

I was cheering like an idiot, along with everyone else in the stands on the home side of the field. Even though I had one of the cheerleader’s friends-slash-cronies jumping up and down next to me, I was so happy. Changbin was standing on the sideline with our team, Chan on his back “piggyback” style, screaming as well, pointing up at me. I pointed back and cheered, knowing that two friends sharing a moment of victory between the field and stands was not all that unusual. We didn’t have to be as careful at that moment as we normally would have.

Within the last few seconds of the fourth quarter, Chan had received the ball and ran it in to break the tie against the visiting team. The stands had erupted in cheers on our side and boos on the other side. Our cheering drowned the boos out for the most part, though, so it didn’t really matter that they were sore losers. Chan continued to point to me for a moment longer atop Changbin’s back, then dropped his hand to Changbin’s shoulder, still smiling widely at me. I knew he was going to be extra-horny that night. Knowing that made me smile even wider.

The crowd didn’t settle down for at least ten minutes after the game had ended, the win in our pocket. By the time the players were all headed toward the locker rooms, I knew that it was time to go wait for Chan by the car. Several of the popular kids that I had been sitting with—imagine that—talked my ear off in the parking lot about the game. Over the last few days, being within Chan’s orbit had made the more popular students think of me as one of their own. It was almost like they actually knew I was dating Chan—but I wasn’t a girl. That’s the only way that analogy worked.

If the popular kids knew that Chan and I actually were dating, things could have been a lot different for the two of us. Rather than being accepted as two cool dudes that the popular kids wanted to hang out with, we’d probably be ostracized. If not worse. I tried to push that thought out of my mind as I finally broke away from the popular kids with promises to _“see ya’ later”_ to several of them. Like we were going to be hanging out at each other’s houses or something.

Retrieving Chan’s keys that he had given me for safekeeping before the game, I clicked the button on the fob to unlock the doors. I climbed into the passenger seat and stuck the key in the ignition and twisted it slightly so that I could roll down the windows. Once the windows were down, I turned the key to the “off” position again and leaned back in my seat. The cool, late September air gently blew through the windows, making me smile.

Autumn is beginning its assault against summer, it’s a magical time. There’s a promise of easier, cooler days ahead. A hint that Halloween is just around the corner—the best holiday of the year. Promises of fall leaves and warm drinks and hoodies and bonfires and haunted houses…with Thanksgiving and Christmas not far behind. How can you not love it?

I wasn’t sure if thinking about the cooler months being ahead did it, or the cool breeze blowing through the car did it, but I must have spaced out. All of a sudden, two arms were folded and leaning against the windowsill of my door. When I realized someone was standing there, I jumped, almost hitting my head on the roof of the car. The person who the arms belonged to laughed loudly as I settled back into my seat.

“Were you asleep?” Changbin asked as he stood there, leaning against the car.

“Oh, hey.” I gave a small smile, glancing around for Chan. “I guess I just spaced out or…something.”

He laughed.

“Yeah, man.” He nodded. “It’s a good place to do it. Especially after such an awesome game, right?”

“It was pretty awesome.” I agreed with a nod, still not spotting Chan. “Is Chan with you?”

“He said to tell you he’d be here in a minute.” He replied. “I know your mom is waiting on you guys and stuff.”

My mom was at work. Like she always was on Fridays. Chan had obviously told Changbin this so he’d have a reason to leave and not hang out with any of the guys from the team.

“Yeah,” I replied after a moment. “You know how moms are. She will want to celebrate with Chan. Ya’ know, whooping the other team’s ass and all.”

“Hell, yeah.” Changbin laughed. “Well, you guys gotta stop being such assholes and hang out with us sometime, man. I mean, Chan always is hanging out with you and blowing us off.”

Changbin said it with good humor, but something about it still made me feel a little strange. I mean, if the guys noticed that Chan was always with me, they’d either start to think he didn’t think of them as friends—which he kind of didn’t—or they’d put two and two together. And come up with _“gay.”_

“Definitely, man.” I nodded. “My mom’s just kind of a drag. But we’ll definitely hang out sometime. Sounds fun.”

“Do you like UV?” Changbin asked with a wicked grin.

“I have no idea what that is.” I chuckled nervously. “Unless you’re talking science…”

Changbin laughed and moved his duffel bag where he could unzipper it and reach inside. He looked around discreetly—or at least, what he probably thought was discreet—and pulled a bottle out of the bag. Working quickly, he moved the bottle from the bag and into the car through the window. I took it from him quickly and held it down, out of view of anyone that might pass by. I looked down at the bottle as I cradled it near my lap. It was a clear glass bottle with some type of purple liquid inside.

Flavored vodka.

It took me a minute.

“Grape flavor?” I guessed.

“It’s fucking delicious, man.” Changbin nodded enthusiastically. “Just don’t let your mom see that. And if she does, I don’t know you.”

I laughed as I looked down at the bottle cradled in my hands. I surreptitiously slid it under my seat, getting it out of view.

“Thanks, man.” I smiled, knowing that this was the proper way to handle the situation.

I wasn’t drinking any of that shit.

“Anytime, man,” Changbin replied. “Make sure my boy drinks some. He earned it.”

“I earned what?” I jumped when Chan’s voice sounded from the other side of the car.

Changbin laughed loudly again as I turned quickly to see Chan climbing into the driver’s seat of the car. He smiled at me but kept himself from doing anything that would make Changbin think we were anything more than buddies. It took a few moments, but Changbin’s laughing finally subsided.

“Changbin gave us some UV.” I smiled at Chan.

“Hey, thanks, man.” Chan leaned towards my window to smile at his teammate.

“Ain’t no thang,” Changbin smirked goofily and stepped back. “All right, man. Go deal with mom. The rest of us will have an actual good time.”

“Fuck you, Bin.” Chan flipped him off with a laugh.

Changbin saluted at Chan, laughed, and turned away, walking off towards his own car, where all of the other players had suddenly begun to congregate. I glanced over at them for a moment as Changbin walked away before finally turning to look at Chan.

“Do you want to go hang out with them?” I asked lowly.

Chan frowned and looked over at his teammates getting louder and louder by Changbin’s car, patting each other’s backs, punching each other in the arms, just acting like teenage boys who had just won a football game.

“Why?” Chan smirked. “Are they going to give me the best head of my life and tell me how much they love me?”

I frowned at him.

“What?” He asked with a laugh.

“I won’t get mad if you do,” I replied.

Chan glanced around, making sure no one was around. “Babe, I want to go be with you. Okay?”

“Of course, it’s okay,” I replied. “I just didn’t want to keep you from hanging out with them if you wanted. That’s all.”

Chan frowned at me. “There’s no one I’d rather be with than you, Jisung. You know that.”

“Me and the cheap grape-flavored vodka?” I laughed.

“I’m not drinking any of that shit,” Chan stated under his breath as he started the car.

“You have to.” I shrugged. “I promised Changbin that _‘his boy’_ would have a drink for winning the game.”

“Are you trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me, sir?” Chan asked once the windows were rolled up. “Because, I’ll let you take advantage of me while I’m sober, ya’ know.”

“I know.” I waggled my eyebrows at him. “And I’m just kidding. Kind of, anyway.”

“Kind of?” Chan cocked an eyebrow at me.

I shrugged.

“Here.” Chan handed me the aux cord. “You’re falling down on the job, babe. We don’t have any music going.”

I smiled and took the cord from him, plugging it into my phone.

“Play a type of victory song.” He requested. “I want to feel like the winner I am, damnit!”

“Conceited,” I stated in a sing-song voice as I looked through my phone.

“How can I not be conceited when I’m lucky enough to have you as a boyfriend?” Chan stated under his breath.

Looking from my phone, I turned to him.

“You are so full of shit.” I snorted.

Chan just frowned at me.

“And I’m going to suck the soul out of you later.” I laughed.

Chan laughed with me just as _I Want It All/We Will Rock You_ from the _“Sucker Punch”_ soundtrack started to pour out of the speakers. Chan fist pumped and rolled down the windows as he threw his car into gear. I laughed as he drove by his teammates in the parking lot, blasting the song, making all of them cheer. I looked in the side mirror as we sped off. Chan’s teammates were still celebrating excitedly as we disappeared into the night.

-

Chan was pushing himself against me as I tried to unlock the front door of my house, which was normally an easy task. However, with his crotch pushing into my ass and his face nuzzling into the side of my neck, I found it to be a little difficult. Distractions of that nature, from Chan at least, kept me from using certain parts of my brain. Working as deftly as possible, I got the front door unlocked, and we tumbled inside. Chan dropped his bag in the foyer and turned me to face him, kicking the door shut, all in one motion. I slipped my coat off and let it drop with a resounding _“thunk.”_

“What was that?” Chan asked as he moved towards me.

“Vodka,” I answered simply as Chan pushed against me.

“God, I hate not being able to do this.” He groaned before shoving his mouth over mine.

I gave a muffled gasp as Chan assaulted my mouth with his and his hands went to my ass. Chan lifted me up, and I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist as he pushed away from the front door. He attempted to take the first step on the stairs, and we stumbled, falling backward onto the stairs. Somehow, we ended up with me laying against the stairs with Chan on top of me, unharmed. I laughed loudly as Chan smiled goofily down at me. My legs were still around his waist.

“Not as strong as you think.” I teased before craning my head upwards and biting at his lower lip.

“I’m strong enough to carry your scrawny ass up these stairs, damnit.” He half laughed, half groaned as I began kissing his neck. “I just tripped, punk.”

“We can do it right here on the stairs.” I breathed into his neck, smelling the soap from the locker room showers on him. “I don’t think I can wait until we’re in my room for you to have your way with me.”

Chan frowned at me.

“What?” I asked, half out of breath.

“I thought you were going to have your way with me?” He cracked a smile.

“My way is you having your way.” I kissed him on his chin.

“I like your way.” He waggled his eyebrows and ground his crotch into my ass. “I like your way a lot.”

I tangled my fingers in his hair and smiled up at him as he slowly but firmly pushed himself against me. Gently, I pulled at his hair, tilting his head so that I could get at his neck better. I licked from the nape of his neck up to the middle and began to kiss and suck at the skin there. Chan groaned and humped me harder, as though he could push through all of the layers of our clothes and enter me right there.

My body was reacting in ways that I was unfamiliar with as he pushed his crotch into my ass. I suddenly wanted him to be inside of me, invading my body in a new way, pounding into me with force and violence—but also tenderness and love. I wanted him to have me in every way that he could possibly have me. I wanted to feel that I had given every bit of myself over to him, to let him fulfill every desire he had using only my body.

“Do you still want to do this?” Chan’s voice was raspy in my ear as I sucked at his neck, and he ground himself against me.

Chan and I had decided during the week to hold off on having any sex until after the game Friday. And then…then we were going to actually do it. We were going to do the one thing we had been building up to.

“Yes.” I breathed into his ear as my fingers ran through his hair. “I’m not going to chicken out.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Chan sighed as I nibbled at his ear. “I only want to if you do.”

“You want to do it no matter what.” I chuckled throatily as I pulled back to look up at him. “But I appreciate you saying that.”

Chan frowned down at me, and suddenly his crotch stopped grinding against me. I let my legs loosen a bit around his waist.

“What is it?” I asked, running my fingers through his hair gently.

“I’m serious,” Chan stated evenly. “I don’t want you to do this if you’re not absolutely sure, babe. I don’t want you to regret it.”

“Why would I regret it?”

“Maybe I won’t be good at it?” He shrugged, still holding himself above me with his strong hands braced on either side of me. “Maybe it’ll hurt really bad? Maybe…”

“Maybe we promised that we were doing an all or nothing thing here?” I reminded him. “Maybe you need to stop thinking and just make love to me.”

Chan gasped as I pushed my ass against him.

“Make love.” Chan groaned as my legs tightened around him. “I do want to make love to you, Jisung. So bad.”

I didn’t respond, I simply craned my head up and kissed him, covering his mouth with mine, sliding my tongue into his mouth. Chan returned the kiss, fighting my tongue with his. After a few moments, we slowed down, and Chan pulled back to look at me.

“Can we just take it slow, though?” Chan asked. “If we’re going to do that, I mean. I want it to be as perfect as possible. I mean, it sounds weird, but this will kinda be like officially losing our virginities. Ya’ know?”

“Of course.” I smiled at him. “We can take all night if we have to. And all day tomorrow. And all tomorrow night. And most of Sunday.”

Chan grinned at me.

“My God, you’re so sexy, babe.” He whispered down at me.

I slid my arms from around his neck and pulled my shirt off over my head.

“Show me how sexy I am.” I bit my bottom lip as I laid back against the stairs. “Show me how much you love my body.”

Chan’s eyes filled with hunger as he stared down at my chest. I slid my legs from around his waist and planted my feet on the floor. I put my arms up over my head and laid them against the stairs above me. I grinned up at him with a smirk as he held himself above me.

“It’s all yours,” I told him. “Show me how much you love it.”

I raised my hips slightly, pushing our crotches together gently.

“Oh, my fucking God, Jisung.” Chan groaned lowly as I pushed against him. “How the fuck do you do this to me?”

“Do what?” I bit my lip and reached down, unsnapping his jeans.

Chan’s breathing was ragged, and I could feel his whole body reacting to me, wanting to use me in so many ways right there. So, when he pushed away with a groan, I was confused. I sat up, my knees on either side of Chan as he knelt between my legs, staring down at me.

“What is it?” I asked quickly.

“I want to take this upstairs.” His voice was hoarse as he spoke. “The things I’m going to do to you should be done in a locked room.”

“I like the sound of that.” I giggled as I leaped up.

Chan laughed with me and grabbed his bag and my coat and shirt as I began racing up the stairs. I could hear him making sure the front door was locked as I reached the top of the stairs. I stood at the top, waiting for him to follow me up. Chan stalked up the stairs towards me, a grin on his face, his bag, and my coat and shirt slung over his shoulder. I turned and went into my room, knowing he’d be right behind me.

Once I was in my room, for that very short moment, totally alone, I was suddenly very nervous about what was about to happen between Chan and me. I was about to allow him to enter my body. To actually fuck me. The thought made me tense up, wondering if it was going to be a mistake. Not that I didn’t want to do it with Chan. And we had picked up some condoms and lube. We were prepared. I just couldn’t help but wonder if it would be so painful that I would come off looking like a total wuss. And, even if I wasn’t a wuss about it, even if everything went well… what if it went too well?

What if doing this made us fall even deeper down the rabbit hole?

What if there was no coming back from having someone inside of your body in such a way?

Would we fall irrevocably in love?

Would this be the thing that would make it impossible for us to be okay if something went wrong with our relationship?

“You okay, babe?” Chan came up behind me and set his bag and my coat down on the floor.

I involuntarily shivered. Chan’s arms were suddenly around me, pulling me into him.

“Just scared,” I stated softly.

“We don’t have to do this, Jisung.” He stated firmly. “If you don’t want to—'

“I really, really, really want to, Chan.” I stopped him. “But how will we feel afterward?”

Chan went rigid against me. “Will it make you mad at me if it hurts?”

I couldn’t help but laugh as I turned in his arms.

“I’m not scared of the pain.” I shook my head as I looked up at him, and he held me in his arms. “I mean, I’ll be embarrassed if I can’t take the pain easily, but pain doesn’t scare me.”

“Then what is it, babe?” He whispered.

“I’m afraid of how much closer it will bring us to each other.” I decided the truth was best.

Chan grinned widely.

“What if it’s really fucking intense?” I asked meekly.

“I fucking love you, Jisung.” Chan sighed.

“I’m serious. What if—'

“I’m serious, too.” Chan interrupted. “I fucking love you. And if doing this makes me love you so deeply that it hurts, I can deal with that.”

“It’s just a big thing.” I chuckled and pressed my face into his chest.

“Are you talking about this step or my cock?” He teased.

I laughed. “Both.”

Chan laughed loudly, shaking against me as he held me, and I kept my face against him.

“We’ll take it slow,” Chan reassured me. “And if it doesn’t feel right, we’ll stop. No pressure, babe. No matter what, I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I looked up at him. “I just need some courage.”

Chan thought about this for a moment. He gave me a sudden smile, then pulled away from me and went over to my coat on the floor. Reaching inside, he extracted the bottle of vodka and held it up to me.

“I’m not drinking that shit.” I laughed loudly. “Changbin probably put Rohypnol in it.”

Chan looked confused.

“Date Rape Drug,” I shrugged.

He laughed loudly and unscrewed the cap. Before I could stop him, he had brought the bottle to his lips and was taking a large swig. I went to stop him, but it was too late. When he pulled the bottle away from his lips, he made a grossed-out face at me, sticking out his tongue.

“Well, if Rohypnol tastes like grape cough syrup and death, then yeah.” He laughed. “It’s disgusting. You gotta try it.”

“Well, with that sales pitch, how could I not?” I snorted as I reached out for the bottle.

Chan handed it to me. I took a long breath as I examined the bottle, then tipped it back, swallowing back as much as I could.

“Damn, babe.” Chan whistled as I pulled the bottle away from my lips and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

“I’m not sure how much courage I need.” I shrugged with a laugh. “But this is like grape scented gasoline.”

Chan laughed loudly as I tipped the bottle back again.

-

“Nipples are just so weird, ya’ know?” Chan slurred as the tip of his finger flicked back and forth over mine.

“They are…” I slurred back. “Like…guys have them…but we don’t nurse anything. So, why do we even have them? It seems like a complete waste of parts.”

Chan giggled as his finger played along my nipple. We were both stripped down to our boxers, sitting on the bed lotus-style across from each other. We had gotten slightly buzzed and stripped each other down as we made out. Then more vodka was drunk. Then more stripping. Somehow, we ended up drunk, sitting on the bed in our skivvies, drunkenly discussing everything that came to mind. Like nipples. The half-empty bottle of vodka was nestled in the space created by my folded legs.

“It’s like the appendix.” I nodded, mostly to myself. “I mean, no one knows what it’s real function is, yet there it is. Nipples, appendix…the Darwin’s Tubercle. None of it is needed.”

“Darwin’s…what?” Chan pulled his hand away from my chest with a frown.

“This.” I reached up and nearly slapped myself in the head.

I pinched the little pointed flap at the top of my ear.

“Darwin called it the ‘Woolnerian tip.’ Not everyone has them, but those who have them have no reason for having them. They don’t have a discernable function. It can be bilateral or unilateral, and some people think sexual dimorphism comes into play…”

“Do you get smarter as you get drunker?” Chan teased, leaning closer, his eyes hazed with drunkenness.

“Or erector pili!” I stated suddenly.

“What are those?” Chan asked.

“Little muscles attached to our hair follicles. They’re the things that contract and make our hairs stand on end and give us goosebumps.” I shrugged. “Something like that.”

“You’re so sexy when you shpeak science to me.” Chan slurred and reached for the bottle.

I watched as Chan took another swig of the vodka—which was becoming a lot more palatable the more we drank.

“I’m sexy to you no matter what I speak.” I slurred back with a waggle of my eyebrows.

Chan tipped the bottle back and took another swig, his eyes crossing slightly as he brought the bottle away from his lips. He clumsily recapped the bottle and stuffed it back in my lap. Then he leaned forward and brought his mouth right next to mine.

“I loved you the moment I laid eyes on you.” He whispered. “Did you know that, Jisung? The very second I laid eyes on you. I knew I loved you.”

“I did not know that,” I replied with a low chuckle.

“It’s true.” Chan nodded, his nose brushing against mine, his eyes locked on mine. “First day at Barrows, I saw you stocking something—'

“Dog food probably.” I rolled my eyes.

“Maybe.” Chan chuckled. “As soon as I saw you, I almost ran out of that store. Like, I’d never had that feeling about a girl, let alone some dude. But I just knew it. I wanted you. And I wanted you to want me. I didn’t know what to do with those feelings. So, I decided we were enemies or something. But at the same time, I got more and more sexually frustrated every time I saw you at work. It made me want to hate you. I wanted to hate you so that I wouldn’t feel my heart breaking every time I saw you at work.”

“Chan…”

“No.” He put a finger to my lips. “I want you to know—I never thought of you as just some toy that I could use to get off. I just didn’t know how to…I was confused. And scared. And worried that my feelings were misplaced. That you would be disgusted if you knew some guy wanted you in that way.”

Chan started to cry softly as his head tipped forward, and his forehead pressed against mine. I made soft, reassuring sounds as I wrapped my arms around his neck. For several minutes, silent tears slid down Chan’s cheeks in his drunken state, and I did my best to comfort him. Finally, when the tears stopped rolling down his cheeks, I moved my face so that I could kiss him gently on the lips, then I tilted his head up to look at me.

His hand came up to my cheek and cupped it in his hand, his eyes boring into mine. I looked back into his eyes, not sure if it was the liquor intensifying our feelings for each other, or it just made us less inhibited about them. Maybe both? But I knew that I believed Chan—it wasn’t a lie what he was saying, just unadulterated and unabashed truth. I leaned forward and gave him another soft kiss.

“Do you want to hear the song that makes me feel a certain kind of way?” I asked softly.

“Yes,” Chan answered immediately.

Instead of replying, I fished my phone out of my pocket, unlocked it, and began scrolling through my saved music. After a few drunken mis-swipes, I found the song that I had avoided playing for Chan the night he had asked. I turned the volume up and hit _“play”_ on my phone. Slowly, the song began, and Chan listened carefully to the opening chords. By the time Tom Waits began singing _I Hope That I Don’t Fall in Love with You,_ Chan had reached over and grabbed my hand.

We listened to the song together, holding hands, both of us looking down at the bed between us. I could see tears fall from Chan’s face as he held my hand and listened to my song choice. Everything about this moment was completely ridiculous and sappy and was only exacerbated by the copious amounts of vodka. Halfway through the song, Chan grabbed the vodka bottle out of my lap and leaned over to set it on the floor. Then he leaned forward, pushing himself against me, pushing me down on the bed.

I laid back as Chan pushed his mouth against mine, kissing me deeply as Tom Waits played in the background. Returning Chan’s kiss, I reached up and ran my hands up and down his back as he pressed down upon me. His crotch pushed against my thigh, his hard cock jabbing into me as he smothered my mouth with his. I felt my own cock beginning to get hard as we explored each other with our hands and kissed each other as we listened to the song.

-

My eyes opened, and my head felt like a woodpecker was searching for food and doing a tap dance number at the same time. I winced as the late morning sun did its very best to blind me. I was freezing cold. I lifted my head enough to see that Chan and I were still laying there, wrapped up in each other’s arms in our boxers, completely uncovered. Luckily, my bedroom door had been closed and locked so that my mom hadn’t walked in and seen us. The lights were still on, though.

It took a minute, but I finally realized that we had fallen asleep in the middle of drunkenly making out. Shivering, I extracted myself from Chan’s grip and tiptoed over to my dresser. I pulled on some pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, my head still feeling a little bit like an Amish barn raising was going on inside of it. Doing my best not to disturb Chan, I exited my room, closing the door behind me.

Down in the kitchen, I grabbed a couple cups and filled them at the tap. I drained my cup and refilled it before heading back up the stairs. Once I was back in my room and the door was closed and locked again, I set a cup on Chan’s bedside table and then put one on mine. With a little effort, trying not to disturb him, I pulled the covers up from underneath him and crawled into bed, pulling the covers up over us. Chan stirred in his sleep and curled up beside me, pulling me against him with a grunt.

His skin was ice cold, but since he hadn’t woken up yet, he didn’t realize how cold he was. With the fact that it had gotten cold in the middle of the night, the heat wasn’t yet turned on in the house, and we fell asleep in our underwear with no covers, mixed with the alcohol we had drunk, it seemed a lot colder than it was. I shivered as Chan’s cold skin pressed against me, but I would never have wanted him to move away from me.

The water started working its way into my system, and I was feeling less hungover, my head hurt less as I lay there, listening to Chan breathe in his sleep. For several moments, I had to think about whether or not we had done anything sexual—but it finally came back to me. We hadn’t done anything at all. We had gotten drunk, talked…listened to music…and then fallen asleep during our drunken make-out session. I cringed at the thought that I had played that song for Chan but knew there was no taking it back.

_Maybe he won’t remember._

Of course, hoping that Chan would forget something that I remembered, even though we had both been drunk was probably hoping for too much. I don’t know why I didn’t want him to remember the song considering all the things he had said to me, most of which I remembered, but I just didn’t. It was too much, too real, too raw. It was like I had bared something incredibly personal to him too early in our relationship. It made me feel exposed far more than I had intended.

When I felt Chan stir beside me, I realized that I had to push that out of my head. Acting different the morning after something like that would only cause problems—and it wasn’t his’s fault that I felt raw about the whole incident. He hadn’t forced me to play the song. He hadn’t even asked. If I felt bad about it, I only had myself to blame.

“Mmmm.” Chan moaned as he opened his eyes and looked at me with a smile. “The sun is the enemy. Did you know that?”

I chuckled as he held me.

“I think the real enemy is grape flavored vodka,” I replied.

“They’re conspiring,” Chan replied and planted a gentle kiss against the side of my head. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” I replied.

Chan frowned and lifted the covers to look underneath them.

“Why are you in pajamas but I’m not?” He asked, confused, dropping the blanket again.

“I woke up a bit ago and put some on,” I answered. “We fell asleep in our boxers on top of the covers, and I was freezing.”

“You covered me up?” Chan smiled at me.

“I covered _us_ up.” I rubbed my nose against his. “And I brought you water.”

Chan craned his neck to look over at the bedside table.

“Do you also cook?” He grinned evilly at me. “If so, I’ll have to make you my wife one day.”

“Not funny.” I wrapped my arms around his chest and squeezed him as he nuzzled his face against my hair.

“Kinda funny.” He chuckled, his lips against my ear.

“A wife doesn’t have this.” I pushed my hips against him, my crotch pressing against his thigh.

Chan sighed.

“No.” He breathed out against my ear. “A wife, luckily, would not have one of those.”

“Luckily.” I parroted with a smile.

Chan waggled his eyebrows at me and sat up. He reached over to the bedside table and grabbed the cup of water. I watched as his Adam’s Apple bobbed up and down as he drank the whole cup of water in one draw. He pulled the cup away from his mouth with a gasp of air, then looked back over at me with an evil expression.

“What are you—'

Chan dove under the covers before I could finish my question. I moaned softly as I felt his mouth enveloped my cock. I reached under the covers and ran my fingers through his hair as his lips and tongue started to bring my cock to attention.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> skljdfkjf sorry for the infrequent updates bUT in my defense i try to make the chapters as long as possible lol ok thank u if ur still here <333 also sending all the love & light to my american readers in regards of the elections today! stay safe everyone ily

Chan was laughing and wiping his hand against my knee. I swatted at his hand and laughed with him, trying to keep him from getting grease all over my jeans. We were seated in the balcony of the movie theater, sharing a giant tub of popcorn and Chan was using my knee as a makeshift napkin to get his buttery fingers clean. Finally, after several swats, he moved his hand back to the popcorn tub, using his hand like a claw to get another huge mouthful of the buttery, salty treat.

“Don’t you want any?” He asked, lowly.

We were in the balcony, and the theater was not even half full, so we didn’t have to be that discreet. However, we knew better than to get too comfortable in public. At least until it was time to go public with our relationship. That was a way off in the future, though. For the time being, we had to act like we were just buddies who were really close and secure with our sexuality. However, even the closest, most secure buddies didn’t hold hands, kiss, or call each other _“babe.”_

If the people we saw in public had seen Chan suck a load out of me earlier in the afternoon, and then watched me return the favor, they would have definitely been scandalized. Instead, they just had to watch Chan wipe his greasy hands on my jeans. That shouldn’t have been too much for even the most conservative person to witness.

“Nah.” I shook my head. “Theater popcorn is gross.”

I began to open my jumbo package of Twizzlers that I’d snuck into the theater. There was no way I was paying five bucks for a package of ten Twizzlers.

“Twizzlers taste like asshole.” Chan teased.

“Asshole must be delicious.” I shrugged.

“I bet yours is.” Chan leaned in with an evil grin.

“Never gonna happen, bro.” I gave him a deadpan look as I fished out my first strawberry licorice twist.

Chan laughed loudly.

Somehow, he had convinced me that for our date night, we should go see some action superhero movie before we went for a late dinner. I had explained that I didn’t give a shit about superhero movies, but Chan said I could pick the restaurant if I would abide his movie choice. Since I was really craving soup and dumplings from a Ramen restaurant I really loved, I agreed.

Chan was still wiggling his eyebrows at me when he glanced over my shoulder, and a look of horror overtook his face.

“Shit.” He muttered.

“What?” I asked as I craned my head to look behind me.

Changbin and his girlfriend were coming up the stairs into the balcony. I glanced back at Chan to see him looking completely pissed off that his teammate had shown up at the same movie at the same theater. I couldn’t help but smile to myself, thinking about how we had really thought we wouldn’t see anyone we knew. In our midsized town on a Saturday night at the only movie theater—no matter how many movies it showed at one time—it was inevitable that we would run into someone who knew us.

I knew that I only had two choices. We could pretend that we weren’t there and risk Changbin getting pissed off that we ignored them, or suspicious that we were there together and ignoring him. Or I could wave them over to sit with us. Maybe we’d luck out, and they’d tell us they wanted to sit alone so they could smooch and shit. So, I turned towards them again and waved my hand high in the air. Changbin and his girlfriend immediately saw my hand and looked over to see who was waving at them.

“What are you doing?” Chan hissed at me lowly.

“It’s either this or look suspicious,” I whispered back.

Chan groaned lowly, but he knew I was right. Changbin and his girlfriend smiled widely at me and walked down to our row, excusing themselves so that people would move their legs, allowing them to come down to our seats. After a couple seconds, they were standing there next to us.

“What are you two doing here?” Changbin asked, looking down at us.

“Buying a new couch, dipwad.” I smiled up at him.

Changbin and his girlfriend laughed.

“Mind if we sit with you guys?” His girlfriend asked.

“Help yourselves.” I waved at the seats to my side.

Chan sighed behind me.

“Hey, assface.” Changbin hissed at Chan with a laugh before sitting down.

Chan flipped him off, keeping his hand low so as not to offend anyone else. But he did it with a smile, so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.

“I’m Hyejin.” Changbin’s girlfriend turned to me once she was sat down next to me.

“Jisung.” I held a hand out to her. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too.” She smiled widely. “Do you two go to school with Changbin?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “Do you…go there?”

She giggled. “No. I’m over at Salesian’s.”

Catholic High School. Now I understood why I didn’t recognize her immediately.

“You’ll need to say some extra ‘Hail Mary’s’ tomorrow if you’re going out with him.” I teased.

“Suck it, Jisung.” Changbin laughed from the other side of Hyejin.

Chan sat on the other side of me, quietly eating popcorn and sipping his soda. I pulled another Twizzler out of my bag.

“Holy, shit.” Changbin leaned over Hyejin to eye the bag of Twizzlers. “You didn’t get those here, dude.”

“Hell, no.” I chuckled. “I brought my own. I ain’t that dumb. You guys want some?”

The lights started to go down.

“Hell yeah,” Changbin answered for them. “You’re hood as fuck, Jisung.”

I pulled out a large handful of Twizzlers with a laugh and handed them to Hyejin, who accepted them graciously and handed half to Changbin. As I was sitting back in my seat, the two of them were munching happily away. Chan was sitting next to me, slumped down, looking irritated. I turned my head to look at him. When he looked back, I gave him a wink and stuck out my tongue. He rolled his eyes but actually smiled. Damage control was done on all fronts.

After the previews rolled by—which there were far too many of—the movie began, and I was immediately aware that I had missed several movies leading up to this one. However, I did my best to focus on the movie while eating my Twizzlers, trying not to look too miserable. Halfway through the movie, Hyejin caught my eye, and we gave each other an eye-roll, knowing that neither one of us was enjoying superheroes and nonsense. However, Changbin and Chan were completely transfixed by the display on the screen.

In fact, Chan was so involved in the movie, it was like he had completely forgotten everything that had happened at the beginning of the movie. He was smiling, laughing, angry—going through all of the emotions that the movie had wanted from its audience. I was happy that he got to see a movie that he really enjoyed and wanted to see, but it was hard work not to pull my cell phone out to play a game or something. Anything to distract myself from the movie.

Luckily, two-and-a-half hours later, the movie finally came to a close. I still had no idea what it was that I had just watched—nor did I understand any of it—but at least it was over. And Chan was happy. That made me happy. We stood from our seats and gathered up our trash as Hyejin and Changbin stood from their seats as well and gave each other a kiss. I smiled and looked at Chan. He just rolled his eyes.

“Didn’t think we’d see you two assholes here.” Changbin leaned around Hyejin to tell us.

“We were bored and wanted to see a movie.” I shrugged. “Well, Chan wanted to see this. I don’t really give a shit about superheroes.”

Hyejin laughed. “Finally!”

“You said you liked these movies!” Changbin laughed at her.

“I said I’d be happy to go with you.” She shook her head with a smile. “Totally different.”

“Well, it was really freaking good.” Chan chimed in from behind me.

“I’ll take your word for that.” I quipped over my shoulder. “I fell asleep halfway through.”

Chan just frowned at me, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“What are you guys going to do now?” Changbin asked, making me turn back to look at him. “We were going to get some grub…”

“No.” I waved him off. “I’m sure Hyejin wants some alone time with you, man.”

“No!” Hyejin reached out and grabbed my forearm. “I mean, yes. But you guys should come with us. I never get to meet any of Binnie’s friends.”

“Well, there’s this Ramen place I really like just down—' I began.

“Will your mom get mad if you’re out too late?” Chan chimed in quickly.

“It’s eight-thirty, idiot.” Changbin frowned at him.

“Yeah.” I looked over my shoulder with an evil grin. “It’s only eight-thirty. And…Ramen.”

“I love Ramen!” Hyejin jiggled in place. “So, let’s go!”

“Come on, pretty lady.” Changbin looped an arm around her shoulders and led her down the aisle towards the stairs.

I turned to Chan. He was not a happy camper.

“What?” I smiled.

“How are we supposed to be on a real date if we’re with them?” He whispered.

I shrugged. “I mean, what do you want me to do?”

Chan looked down and kicked at the ground.

“I’m sorry.” I frowned. “I didn’t know it’d ruin your night.”

“It’s not ruining my night.” He sighed. “I’m still with you. I just…it’s tough being on a date when I have to be careful what I say and do.”

I looked over my shoulder, noticing that we were all alone now.

“Well,” I leaned into Chan, “if you are a really good boy at dinner, I’ll be a really bad boy for you later.”

A huge grin bloomed across Chan’s face as he lifted his head to look at me. I winked at him.

“How bad?”

“ _Sinful_.” I winked.

“Deal.” He pushed me to get me moving, swatting me on the ass as I stepped away.

-

“This place is funky.” Changbin laughed as we slipped into the booth.

Changbin let Hyejin slide into the booth so she could sit against the wall and he slid in next to her. I slid into our side of the booth to sit across from Hyejin and Chan slid in to sit next to me.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “But in the best of ways.”

“I’ve never been to this place.” Changbin chewed at his lip. “What exactly do we do here?”

“Well, you can look at the menu, and then you gotta go up to the bar to order it,” I explained. “No waitstaff here. Gotta get your own drinks, too. If you don’t know what to get, get the chicken or pork belly Ramen.”

“Want me to go get our food?” Chan asked me, looking tense again.

“Yeah, that’s cool,” I replied. “I want the pork belly Ramen and some duck gyoza.”

Hyejin, who had just been about to pick up a menu looked up with a smile.

“Me, too!” She stated in a chipper tone. “Will you get ours, Binnie?”

“Sure thing, baby.” He winked at her and slid out of the booth.

Chan gave me a look and slid out of the booth to follow him. I swallowed hard, wondering if Chan was going to be a pain in the ass all night long, simply because we couldn’t so much as hold hands. I watched the two of them walk away and then turned my attention back to the stranger across from me. Hyejin was a smiling bundle of energy.

“So, when did you and Changbin start dating?” I asked the most generic question I could think of at the moment.

“Um, couple of weeks.” She replied. “This is only, like, our fourth date.”

“That’s cool.” I nodded. “I don’t really know Changbin much, but he seems nice and everything.”

“He is.” She beamed, then leaned in conspiratorially. “I’ve never met a gay couple before. It’s kind of exciting.”

“I’m sorry?” I frowned.

“You and Chan.” She smiled. “You’re cute together.”

“Oh, um, we-we’re not, we’re not a gay couple.” I stammered.

She blushed deeply.

“I’m so sorry.” She looked down at the table. “I just thought…I mean, you were at the movies together, then here, and well, I don’t know…”

“It’s okay.” I managed to reply evenly and not stammer again. “I mean, it’s not like that’s a bad thing or anything.”

“At my school it is.” She frowned. “That’s why I’ve never really met a gay couple before.”

We both laughed nervously.

“Sorry if I offended you, Jisung.” She smiled gently.

“You didn’t offend me at all.” I smiled back.

I glanced over to the bar to see Changbin and Chan in conversation, Changbin talking animatedly while Chan stood there rigidly.

“So, you didn’t like the movie, either?” I turned my attention back to Hyejin. “I’m not much for superhero movies myself. But—'

“You do things for your friends, right?” She shrugged. “Yeah. Changbin loves that stuff, but I could care less. But he’s paying for the date…and, I mean, as long as I get to see the movie with him, I don’t care, really.”

I gave a smile to show I agreed.

“Chan paid for the movie, too.” I nodded. “I told him that’s the only way I’d go see it. Of course, I brought my own snacks.”

We both laughed at the thought of my giant bag of Twizzlers that I had shared with her and Changbin. By the time we had stopped laughing, Changbin and Chan had returned with our orders. Chan set my bowl of Ramen and plate of gyoza in front of me with a tense smile as Changbin set his and Hyejin’s bowls down in their spots. The steam coming off of my Ramen along with the smells wafting out of it made my stomach flip in excitement.

“What do you want to drink, babe?” Chan smiled too brightly down at me.

I looked up at him for a minute as Hyejin and Changbin eyed me.

“Um, water’s fine?” I frowned.

Chan walked off rigidly again as I frowned after him. Changbin looked down at me with a guilty grimace.

“Sorry, man.” He apologized and took off after Chan.

Hyejin looked over at me with a confused expression for a moment, then a look of recognition settled on her face.

“Oh.” She blushed and looked down.

“Uhu….” I nodded.

The rest of this meal was going to be tense.

-

“Why are you mad at me?” I asked Chan as I stomped up the stairs behind him back at my house.

Chan was leading the way up to my room, looking angry and tense as I followed at his heels, wondering what the hell was going on. From what I could tell, maybe Changbin had guessed what was going on between Chan and me while we were at the ramen place and asked Chan about it. For some reason, this had Chan completely fit to be tied, and it was making him treat me like I wasn’t even there. I didn’t know why he was mad—I was the one who had literally just lied to Hyejin’s face and then had to concede the truth quietly.

Luckily, Changbin talked a lot while we ate, making things a little less uncomfortable for all of us. Hyejin and I did our best to keep the conversation lively and cheerful, but Chan pouting into his food, eating it as quickly as possible, made the whole thing pretty dismal. When he was done eating, he all but demanded that we’d leave. Changbin and Hyejin weren’t even close to finishing their bowls. Neither was I. However, to keep the whole thing from turning into a total clusterfuck, I smiled, said my goodbyes and left with Chan.

The car ride home had been a real treat.

“Are you even going to talk to me or what?” I demanded as Chan turned into my room, and I followed him.

“Just let it go.” He grumbled at me as he sat down on my bed.

“Not until you apologize.” I crossed my arms over my chest, standing several feet away from him, glaring down at him.

“Why do I have to apologize?” He frowned up at me.

“You acted like an asshole.” I glared at him. “Don’t act dumb.”

“Oh?” Chan squinted. “I’m dumb?”

“No.” I glared back. “That’s what makes it even more frustrating that you’re acting like you don’t know what you did.”

I’m not dumb either. Which was how I had figured out that Changbin had said something about Chan’s relationship with me while they were in line at the ramen place. However, I wasn’t smart enough to figure out why this had upset Chan so much since both Changbin and Hyejin didn’t seem to give a shit that Chan and I were in a relationship with each other.

“I didn’t do anything,” Chan grumbled, looking down at his lap.

I rolled my eyes and stripped off my shirt as Chan sat there. I chunked it towards the hamper as I kicked off my shoes and yanked off my socks, tossing them in the general direction as well. Next, I unbuttoned my pants, yanked them off and threw them into the heap as well. Chan looked up and saw me standing there in my boxers. A hopeful look crossed his face.

“I’m not stripping for you, jackass,” I growled at him and stomped over to my side of the bed.

As Chan sat at the end of the bed, I pulled back the covers and slid into bed, depositing my cell phone onto the bedside table. As dramatically as I possibly could, I settled myself into my spot, laid my head down on my pillow and turned towards the wall. Chan stood and slowly pulled his clothes off, tossing them towards his bag. When he made a move to go to his side of the bed, I sat up quickly.

“You’re not sleeping with me!” I bellowed a lot more loudly than was necessary.

“Seriously, Jisung?” He threw his hands up.

“Dead serious,” I growled.

“Oh my God.” He rolled his eyes. “Can you just let it go already? I mean, it’s no big deal.”

“To you, maybe.”

“Don’t be such an asshole.”

“I’ll show you an asshole.” I hissed, grabbed the pillow from his side of the bed and lobbed it at his head.

The pillow hit Chan in the face, but he caught it just as it connected. When he pulled the pillow away from his face, he was smiling, on the verge of laughing. This was ridiculous. I knew why he was trying not to laugh. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t keep the smile off of my face, so I flung myself back down and turned away from him.

When I felt Chan crawl onto the bed, I just laid there, doing my best not to smile any wider or laugh. Suddenly, he was on all fours behind me, his face hovering over me. I turned my head a little more to bury my face in the pillow. Chan wasn’t going to be deterred by my efforts. He leaned down and put his face right next to my head.

“You’ll show me an asshole, huh?” He teased.

“Not mine, buttface,” I mumbled into the pillow.

“I think you want to, though.” He replied in a sing-song voice. “I think you want me to see it. Really, _really_ badly.”

I sighed and turned until I was laying on my back, looking up at him.

“I don’t want you, like, looking directly at it, no.” I snorted, unable to keep from smiling anymore.

“I bet it’s the best-looking asshole ever, babe.” He smiled back.

“That’s not a contest anyone wants to win, really.” I teased.

Chan grinned down at me for a moment, trying not to laugh.

“I’m sorry, Jisung.” He stated evenly. “If I ruined our date night for you…. I want you to know that I’m sorry.”

I rolled my eyes. “I guess you’re forgiven.”

“You guess, huh?” He teased, moving his head down to rub his face against my neck, making me laugh and wiggle around. “You guess you’ll forgive me, Jisung? Huh?”

“Okay, okay.” I grabbed his face in my hands and moved him to look at me. “Stop it. Now…why did you act like that?”

Chan looked at me for a moment before answering. “Why did you react the way you did when Seungmin figured out we are a couple?”

“Because,” I began, “it was my job to tell him. And I didn’t want him to do or say something to mess up…this.”

Chan cocked an eyebrow at me.

“Fine.” I rolled my eyes. “We both have the right to our feelings and reactions to this kind of thing. But you said you wanted everyone to know. That you wanted to just get it over with so that we could be more open about it and stuff.”

“But I didn’t want it pushed on me either.” He looked down at me, staring me in the eyes as he answered. “This is my coming out story. Not Changbin’s or Hyejin’s or even yours.”

I ran my thumb over his cheek.

“Okay.” I nodded.

“Why do you make things so easy?” Chan shook his head with a smile.

“I just threw a pillow at your face and cussed at you.” I laughed. “That was making things easy?”

“Lamest, quickest fight ever, babe.” He shook his head at me.

“Just talk to me, Chan.” I held his face in my hands. “Don’t do that silent, brooding thing and expect me to know what to do with that. I can be easy if you just tell me what’s going on. Okay?”

“How easy?” He grinned down at me evilly.

“Easy as you want.” I grinned back. “After you call Changbin and apologize.”

Chan rolled his eyes dramatically and made a “Gaaaaah” sound.

“Fine.” He pulled back from me and sat up on his knees.

I sat up in bed as Chan pulled his phone off of his bedside table and went about calling his friend. He gave me another roll of his eyes as he shoved the phone against his ear. The phone rang just once before it stopped and I heard a voice on the other end.

“Hey, man.” Chan sighed. “Jisung is forcing me to call you and apologize for being a dick and everything.”

I heard some laughing on the other end and then Changbin was talked for a very long time. As the talking went on, Chan’s eyes got watery, but he listened intently to whatever it was that Changbin was saying. After several seconds, Chan was blinking tears out of his eyes. I swallowed hard, wondering how mean Changbin was being to him.

“Hey, Changbin.” Chan interrupted him. “Talk to Jisung for a second.”

Chan shoved the phone at me and jumped off the bed. I held the phone for a second as I watched Chan ran out of my room and across the hall. I heard the bathroom door close. My worry was interrupted by the sound of Changbin’s voice coming from the phone.

“Hello?”

I put the phone to my ear.

“Yeah,” I growled. “Sorry. What did you say to him?”

“I was just telling him that he was still my brother and I didn’t care if he’s gay and everything, man.” Changbin sounded worried. “He’ll always be my best friend. I hope I didn’t upset him or anything, Jisung. I wasn’t trying to make things worse or anything. I mean, if he’s gay, at least he’s with a cool dude like you. That’s all, man.”

I smiled and sat back, leaning against the headboard. “You didn’t upset him. At least, not in the way you think.”

“Good.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “Hyejin really liked hanging out with you guys, too, Jisung. I mean, yeah, tonight was a little strange, but I know she really thought you were cool and wants us all to do it again, man.”

“I’d really like that, man,” I replied.

“I just want you to know, man,” Changbin stated, “I got nothing against gay people, okay? You’re cool with me. I can’t say what the other guys on the team might think, but Chan will always be my bro. And well you, too, Jisung. Okay? I don’t want Chan to keep avoiding me just ‘cause he’s dating you. Because I think you’re a cool dude and Chan obviously likes you and everything.”

“Thank you, Changbin.” I sighed out of relief.

“Anytime.” He stated spritely. “Just be good to my bro, okay? And, like, let him know that I really meant everything I said to him.”

“I will, man.” I nodded to myself. “Hey, if you and Hyejin want we could all hang out at my house after the game next weekend.”

“Fuck yeah, man.” He replied then, took his mouth away from the phone, obviously relaying the information to Hyejin in the background. “We’re both in, man. Thanks for being so cool.”

“No.” I shook my head. “Thank _you_ , Changbin.”

“That’s what friends are for, man.”

“Talk to you later.”

“All right, man. Bye.”

I ended the call and locked Chan’s phone before leaning over to set it on his bedside table again.

His bedside table. I was starting to think of my room as our room.

After several moments of sitting in bed, waiting, I heard the bathroom door open again, and a few moments later, Chan sauntered back into my room, closing and locking the door behind him. His eyes were red, and he had obviously washed his face in the sink to make it less obvious that he had been crying in the bathroom. He stood at the foot of the bed in his boxers, looking down at his feet.

“Are you okay?” I asked gently.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I’m okay.”

“Come here.” I patted the bed beside me.

Chan shuffled over and climbed into the bed, coming to sit next to me, leaning back against the headboard.

“Were you scared?” I leaned into him, tilting my head up to look at him.

He nodded slowly.

“I bet it was a relief that your best friend, who you’ve been avoiding out of fear, proved that he really is your friend, huh?” I asked.

Another nod.

“Do you feel like an asshole for not having more faith in him?”

Yet another nod.

“You told me before that maybe we should have more faith in people. I thought you were an idiot.” I stated. “You aren’t an idiot. You were right. Some people are really good. Some people will surprise you.”

He gave a small smile.

“Changbin doesn’t give a shit that you’re with me.” I laid a hand on his thigh. “He said to tell you that he’d always be your bro.”

Chan’s face twisted up, and he brought his hands up to his face, covering his eyes as fresh tears started to pour from them. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him against me. Chan allowed me to pull him into me and laid against me as he cried tears of relief and joy. I rocked him as he cried and got let all of the tension he’d been holding dissolve from his body.

“It’s okay to be scared,” I whispered to him. “You don’t have to pretend to be brave. And if you want to tell people or not tell people, I’m okay with any of it. We’re in this together. I’ll always be your…I’ll always be yours.”

Chan wrapped his arms around me and started sobbing again. I just let him hold me as I held him and he let out all of the emotions he had obviously been hiding for a few weeks. Hell, if he had been eyeing me for a year while working with me, he had been struggling with his feelings for a very long time. I wasn’t going to stop him from crying them out. But, finally, he stopped crying and sobbing and pulled away from me, sniffling and trying to compose himself.

“This is just so easy.” He shook his head. “This. It’s easy. Being with you is so easy and right and comfortable and…everything.”

I ran my fingers through his hair gently.

“Deep down, I worried that it would have to end because it would get too hard and you wouldn’t want to deal with it.” He looked into my eyes. “And I just made a complete ass out of myself…and you’re making me feel better about it, Jisung. Why are you so fucking wonderful?”

I shrugged. “Just gifted, I guess.”

Chan allowed himself to smile.

“But…if I’m completely honest, I was worried that Changbin was going to be a total dick to you about this.” I sighed. “I’m not nearly as awesome as you think. I didn’t give Changbin the benefit of the doubt.”

Chan chuckled. “Well, he surprised us both.”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “So, I invited him and Hyejin to come hang out after the game next week.”

Chan groaned and rolled his eyes, but his smile didn’t leave his face.

“Suck it up, buttercup.” I gently slapped the side of his face. “He’s your best friend.”

“ _You’re_ my best friend.” He stated firmly.

“I may be your boyfriend.” I cocked an eyebrow. “Like, the best ever, but I can’t be everything. You need to have Changbin, too.”

Chan reached up to cup my cheek. “God, Jisung. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

He leaned in and kissed me gently.

“Can you do me a favor?” I murmured.

“Anything.” Chan sighed contentedly.

I looked him in the eyes for a moment, steeling my resolve.

“Will you make love to me now?” I swallowed hard, hoping that I was as brave as I wanted and that Chan was ready.

He watched me for a moment, as though making sure that I was being serious, then nodded.

“Anything.” He answered.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a lil shorter, but i just wanted it to be focused on...... well read to find out.... i'm just gonna jump into it now..... hehe

“How do we…” Chan motioned with his hands once we were both naked and laying on the bed.

“I don’t know.” I chuckled nervously. “I’ve never…ya’ know.”

The bottle of lube and the condoms Chan had in his bag were lying next to us as we both considered how this was supposed to happen. I’d only ever seen two guys having anal sex in online porn. And it wasn’t like those videos are exactly instructional or educational. No porn is really. So, I’d never really seen how two guys go from getting erections to actual insertion to the actual act.

“I’m going to fuck this up.” Chan laughed nervously as we knelt on the bed across from each other.

“Probably.” I shrugged with a nervous grin. “But practice makes perfect, right?”

“Right.” He nodded.

“I mean, do I need to go down on you first, do we kiss a lot, what’s the protocol for first time anal sex?”

Chan laughed loudly. “I think we can go about it any way we want.”

“Right.” I laughed. “Of course.”

Chan leveled me with his eyes.

“Do you want to do this?” He asked gently. “You don’t have to if you don’t want.”

“No.” I shook my head. “I mean, yeah. I really want to. Stop trying to talk me out of it. I’m already nervous.”

He laughed again. “Me, too.”

“Is it going to be hard for you to…”

Chan smirked and pointed down at his crotch. No. Him getting an erection wouldn’t be a problem.

“Right.” I stared at his dick, but I wasn’t really looking at it.

“Let’s just do it,” Chan suggested. “Let’s not overthink it. If something doesn’t work, we’ll try something else. We have all night.”

“Okay.” I agreed quickly. “How do you want me to…”

“Um,” Chan considered this, “Maybe get on all fours, um, ass facing me?”

“Is that how we’re going to—'

“No.” Chan blushed. “Just, to, um, get you ready?”

“Got it.” I nodded nervously.

Without giving myself more time to think about basically putting my ass in Chan’s face—which was more embarrassing than anything else I’d ever done with him, I got onto all fours, turning away from him. The blush immediately filled my cheeks as I thought about what Chan might be thinking, looking directly at my asshole. It couldn’t have been a pleasant sight. I just looked down at the bed and prayed for this part to be over quick.

I heard Chan flick the cap on the bottle of lube up with a loud “click” and I braced myself, not knowing what to expect. Suddenly, I felt something cold on my asshole, and I jumped slightly. Chan immediately yanked his finger away from my asshole with a nervous laugh. I laughed with him and tried to get myself in line again.

“Wish we’d turned the lights off,” I mumbled.

Chan laughed.

“You looking at my asshole is embarrassing,” I added.

“Nothing about your body is embarrassing, Jisung.” He stated.

“Okay.” I nodded. “Sorry. Keep… doing that.”

Again, I felt Chan’s finger touch my asshole. I steeled myself and kept from jumping again as he used his finger to smear lube around the opening that he’d be trying to shove something too big into. After a few moments, Chan pulled his finger away, and I heard him click the lid of the lube closed again. I swallowed hard, wondering what was next. Well, I knew what was next; I just didn’t know how we were going to go about it.

“So, um,” Chan spoke up, “maybe turn around, and, uh, lay on your back. We’ll do the whole, legs on the shoulders approach here? I mean, I kinda wanna see your face the first time we do this.”

“Okay,” I stated hoarsely, turning over and getting into position.

Chan moved between my legs and reached for a condom. He tore the package open as his dick pointed out over my body, tumescent and more than ready to go.

“Do you want me to, uh, ya’ know?” I asked.

Chan smiled nervously and handed the package to me. I sat up slightly and pulled the condom out of the ripped wrapper. I tossed the wrapper onto the floor and placed the condom over the tip of Chan’s cockhead and started to push down. Before I knew what was going on, the condom was flying through the air over my head. Chan fell against me laughing, smooshing his cock between us.

“What the fuck?” I grunted with a chuckle.

“It was backward.” Chan laughed against me.

“Well, shit.” I groaned through laughter.

Chan collected himself and pulled himself back up again, his cock still hard as a rock. He leaned over and grabbed another condom and handed it to me. I ripped it open, my hands shaking, a nervous smile on my face. I pulled the condom out and looked at it closely, making sure I had it going the right way, and then put it against the head of his cock again. Slowly, I rolled it down over the length of Chan, eliciting a small groan from him as I handled his cock and slid the condom over him.

“Okay,” I stated simply once the condom was rolled all the way down.

“Okay.” Chan nodded down at me.

He gave me a reassuring smile, leaned down to kiss me, and then slowly pulled my right leg up on his shoulder. Then my left leg was upon his shoulder, too. I held my breath as he positioned himself and reached down to hold the head of his cock against my asshole. I did my best not to clench my teeth or grimace as I felt him pushing against me. Chan gave a small grunt as he tried to work his cock into me. Nothing was happening.

For several moments, Chan did his best to try to work himself into me, to ease even a bit of his cock into me so that we could get started. I felt pressure, but no pain, but mostly, I was embarrassed and confused. Chan tried several different levels of pressure to ease into me, but nothing was happening at all. Finally, he sat back, my legs still laid on his shoulders.

“I don’t think it’s going in.” He gave a laugh.

I looked down at his cock. Still rock hard. He was working with a good enough tool, so something else had to be wrong. I wasn’t clenching or anything like that. Finally, I realized what the problem might be.

“Do you want the scientific or dumbed down version of what’s going on here?” I asked.

“Talk science to me, baby.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me with a laugh.

I laughed with him. “A person’s anal sphincter is there to, well, hold fecal matter inside of you, right? It’s a pretty tight seal. Unless it gets the appropriate signals and muscle movements to, kind of dilate, to allow a person to evacuate, it’s going to stay shut down pretty tight. This is not a situation where it’s used to being told to open up.”

“Okay.” Chan listened, not looking grossed out at all.

Bonus points to Chan.

“So,” I blew out air, “you need to…convince it.”

“Finger you?” Chan grinned widely.

“Yes.” I slapped a hand over my face as I blushed. “Help it work its way up to a penis. Use extra lube. On you and me both.”

Chan chuckled and reached down to pull my hand away from my face. He leaned down, letting my legs slide off of his shoulders, and gave me a slow, gentle kiss.

“Don’t be embarrassed.” He whispered against my mouth. “I don’t want you to think anything about your body is bad.”

“It’s just embarrassing.” I laughed.

“It is now.” He nodded, his nose brushing against mine. “But this is going to be amazing. I’m going to do everything I can…that I know how to do to make this amazing for you. I promise.”

I looked at him for a moment.

“I trust you, Chan.” I nodded. “I love you.”

He smiled. “I trust you and love you, too, Jisung.”

I took a deep breath and gave him a single nod.

Chan knelt between my legs and reached for the lube, his cock looking like it had gotten even harder since I had put the condom on him. He clicked the lid up again and squirted some into his hand. He rubbed some along his index finger and then suddenly his finger was against my asshole again. He worked his finger around my asshole in swirling, gentle motions, then he slowly started to slide the tip of his finger into me. I clenched slightly, making Chan stop, but I told myself to stop being such a poon, relaxed, and nodded at Chan.

Bit by bit, he slid his finger into me until it was completely inside of me. It mostly felt like pressure, and, well, wrong—but not in a bad way. It felt like there was something inside of me that my body wanted to expel. I did my best to ignore that instinct. Chan slowly started to move his finger in and out of me, twirling it slightly. It didn’t feel bad, but it didn’t feel pleasurable. It just felt like someone swirling a finger inside of me. But then Chan twirled his finger a certain way, and my whole body reacted. Like a full body spasm.

Chan froze. “What was that?”

“You hit my prostate.” I chuckled through a shiver. “I think.”

“Is that okay?”

I laughed loudly. “Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

Chan seemed unsure but went back to sliding his finger in and out of me, twirling it. Every now and then, he’d hit my prostate again, and my body would react the same way. My cock was fully hard and sticking up like a flagpole. That was all of the encouragement that Chan needed, seeing my cock hard, me obviously aroused. He slid a second finger into me and continued the same motions until I was practically writhing beneath him.

“Are you ready, baby?” He asked me gently as he pulled his fingers out of me.

“Hurry.” I breathed out raggedly. “While I still feel like this.”

Chan quickly got my legs up on his shoulders and back into his previous position. Then his cockhead was against my ass. I wanted to scream out, beg him to shove himself into me. But then I felt the head of his cock pop inside of me, and my whole attitude about the matter changed. I had to grab handfuls of the sheet on either side of my body and clench my teeth to keep from screaming out. When I opened my eyes wide, Chan’s eyes were wide, too, staring down at me.

“Are you okay?” asked quickly.

I just nodded my head, not wanting to scare him.

“Just—just stay right there.” I managed to speak calmly.

Chan held himself above me, just the head of him inside of me as I tried to relax beneath him, trying to negotiate the initial pain. My brain told me that this wasn’t pain, but pressure that my body was not used to, but I told my brain to shut the fuck up. I breathed slowly and deeply, calming myself. Finally, I looked up at Chan and gave him a nod, looking him in the eyes.

Slowly, he began easing further into me as I bit my lip and ignored all of the sensors in my body screaming at me to make this stop. For what seemed like hours, Chan slid into me, bit by bit, painfully slowly as I fought an internal battle with my pain receptors. Just when I thought that I’d start screaming like a crazed lunatic for him to get his dick out of me, I felt his pelvis against my ass. Finally, we’d done it.

“This,” Chan groaned, “feels amazing.”

“Mmhm.” I managed to grunt.

“Are you okay?” Chan asked gently.

“I will be,” I replied, breathing raggedly. “Just…just go slow…but…do it.”

Chan nodded and slowly started to pull backward. Him pulling back was actually worse. It felt like I was trying to poop, which scared the hell out of me. There was no way that could happen and I’d ever be able to look Chan in the face again. Then he was almost all the way out and moving back into me. There was pain again, but not nearly as much as the first time. And I felt like I was pooping backward, though that made no sense to my brain.

“Oh, my God, Jisung.” Chan groaned down at me.

He was working himself into a rhythm, moving in and out of me slowly. It seemed to take forever, but the pain and discomfort were replaced mostly by pressure and…pleasure. My body was beginning to react the way that I had wanted, the way it had when Chan hit my prostate with his fingers. Suddenly, I was reaching up involuntarily and wrapping my arms around his neck, urging him on wordlessly to fuck me however he wanted.

Chan took my wordless cues and began sliding in and out of me faster, trying to be gentle, but giving himself over to his instincts. I kept an arm around his’s shoulders as I reached between us to start jerking my cock, which felt like it was going to explode. Chan was groaning and grunting above me, repeating over and over how great everything felt. I wanted to respond, but I didn’t feel like I could actually talk. My hand furiously sliding up and down my cock was all I could physically manage.

“I’m going to fucking cum, babe.” Chan panted desperately.

I didn’t respond, I just stroked my cock harder, and within seconds, I was shooting my load between us as Chan slammed into me like a madman. My brain was riding a wave of orgasmic pleasure as Chan groaned loudly above me and slammed into me a final time. He held himself deep inside of me as the last of my cum oozed out of my cock, and he filled the condom. We both groaned in unison as our orgasms sent wave after wave of pleasure through our bodies.

We stayed connected to each other for what felt like forever but not long enough before Chan finally came back to himself and slowly started to slide out of me. I involuntarily whimpered as I felt him leave my body, making me feel empty but satisfied. Chan was breathing raggedly as he let my legs slide off of his shoulders again. I let myself splay out on the bed as Chan fell into a heap at my side, his head falling against my chest.

“That’s it.” Chan breathed against my chest, hotly. “There’s no coming back from that, Jisung.”

“Huh?” My brain still wasn’t functioning appropriately.

“You’re my whole world now, babe.” He laughed.

I did my best to catch my breath as I laughed with him. Chan somehow found the energy to lift himself up to look down at me.

“Are you okay?” He reached up to brush my hair out of my eyes. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

I looked up at him. “Can we do that again in, like, thirty minutes. Or however long it takes you to recover?”

Chan laughed loudly, then leaned down to kiss me.

“Anything you want.” He spoke against my mouth. “I love you, Jisung.”

“I love you, too, Chan,” I replied with a sleepy grin.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas from me n the dirty bois ;))) nah but fr i hope everyone has a great time & stay safe! xo

It was another major win for the home team on Friday night. Of course, everyone was ecstatic in the stands, especially Hyejin and me. Jumping up and down, side-by-side as we watched our guys running up and down the sidelines, celebrating, and Changbin and Chan came off the field with the rest of the players still out there. Hyejin and I were cheering louder than anybody. We both knew that our boyfriends were the reason the team had won—and we were so proud of them—but only Hyejin could be open about it. I still had to act like Chan was just my very best buddy who I was extremely happy for at the moment.

Suddenly, Hyejin was grabbing my forearm roughly, her fingers gripping it like a vice, so I stopped cheering. I looked over at her to find a horrified expression on her face. She pointed, screaming loudly, but I was unable to hear her over the screams of everyone else in the stands. I followed her finger out to where Changbin and Chan were coming off of the field. Immediately, my cheerfulness was gone, too, and I shot her a concerned look. Changbin’s arm was over Chan’s shoulders, and Chan was leading Changbin off the field as he limped. A slightly pained expression decorated Changbin’s face as they made their way off of the field slowly.

Hyejin held her arms out and put them on my shoulders as I put my hands on her waist, and she leapt down from the bleacher she was standing on. Together, we pushed our way through the crowd, down the walkway, and rushed down the stairs that led to the field. By the time we got to the fencing that surrounded the field, Chan and Changbin had made their way over. Changbin leaned against the fence with a grimace. Chan gestured to me that he’d be right back as Hyejin took Changbin’s head in her hands and began undoing his helmet.

“What’s wrong, baby?!” She shouted at him as she handed his helmet to me to hold. “What happened?”

“One of those assholes landed on my ankle as we went down in the end zone.” He gave a pained laugh. “It’s nothing. Promise.”

“You sure?!” Hyejin and I both asked in unison.

Changbin laughed and squeezed my hand that was resting on the fence as he looked Hyejin in the eyes.

“It’s fine, baby.” He winked at her. “They’ll wrap it, give me some Ibuprofen or something, and I’ll be good. I guarantee it.”

Hyejin breathed a sigh of relief as Chan returned, the coach and team medics with him. Hyejin leaned forward over the fence and kissed Changbin quickly before the coach and medics could lead him away. She looked as worried as one could imagine as Changbin was led away, looking over his shoulder to wink at her. Chan stepped in front of me, looking a lot less worried.

“Hey.” He smiled, sweat dribbling down his face inside the helmet.

“Hey, you.” I smiled back.

“Did you see that play?” He waggled his eyebrows at me.

There was a clump of grass stuck in the side of his helmet. I reached up and yanked it out, tossing it back onto the field.

“We all saw it.” I laughed.

“That was for you, babe.” He replied, moving forward as if to touch me, but remembered the stands full of people and stopped himself.

“I don’t want to interrupt this…” Hyejin began.

Chan and I turned to her.

“…but do you really think Changbin will be okay?” She asked.

“He’ll be fine, Miss Hyejin.” Chan nodded. “He might be walking funny for a few days, but he’ll be okay. I promise you.”

Hyejin nodded and breathed out slowly, a smile finally blooming on her face as she watched us.

“You should probably get to the locker room.” I reached over the fence to hold out Changnin’s helmet. “Get this to Bin.”

“Are you going to give me a winner’s kiss later?” He grinned widely as he took the helmet from me.

“And more,” I answered and held up my phone. “But go look after Changbin so Hyejin doesn’t have to worry any more than necessary. Text us updates.”

“I will.” He reached over and ruffled my hair, making me growl at him playfully.

Hyejin laughed at my mussed hair and reached up to fix it for me as we turned towards each other. Everyone was still cheering in the stands as the opposing team left, and our team headed towards the locker rooms. I sighed to myself as I looked out over the stands of our cheering hometown then held my arm out to Hyejin. She smiled at me and laced her arm through mine, and together, we made our way to the parking lot.

-

Hyejin and I were leaning against Chan’s car, laughing as we talked about the stupid things that Chan and Changbin did behind closed doors. It was nice having someone I could talk to openly about my relationship with Chan—and Chan himself. Not having to worry about judgment or causing trouble in my relationship with Chan made it even greater. Hyejin was also very comfortable talking to me about Changbin, knowing that I wouldn’t tell anyone else the things she said. Additionally, I was gay, so we didn’t have to worry about any romantic feelings developing between us. I’m sure our boyfriends found solace in that fact as well.

“Do you think Changbin really likes me?” Hyejin asked suddenly.

“Why do you ask that?” I laughed. “You’re crazy!”

“I just worry that maybe I’m just a fun time for him during his senior year.” She sighed and leaned back against the car. “I mean, I’m only a junior, so when he goes off to college…”

“Look,” I turned to her, “I’m not going to lie to you and act like every relationship works out and lasts forever, Hyejin. But I know that Changbin really likes you, and if you two work at it, there’s no reason you can’t stay together even when he goes off to college.”

She sighed but smiled. “I hope you’re right, boo.”

That was her new term of endearment for me.

“I’m probably just being dumb.” She laughed. “I just really like Changbin, and well, I want him to like me back.”

“He does.” I reached out and squeezed her upper arm. “He really does. So, stop worrying.”

_“Yeah! Get you some!”_

Hyejin and I both jumped at the sound of a guy screaming from behind us. I turned around and saw two of the players from the other team heading toward their bus, now in their street clothes. They were both making crude gestures and flicking out their tongues as my hand laid against Hyejin’s arm.

Usually, my mouth doesn’t get ahead of me.

Usually, I’m smart about these things.

Usually, I’m meek.

I’d come a far way from usually, though.

“Excuse me?” I growled at them, letting go of Hyejin’s arm.

“Let it go, boo.” Hyejin hushed me.

“Gonna get you some of that, huh?” One of the guys grabbed his crotch and laughed.

“She looks ready, man!” The other guy did the same.

“Looks like someone has jungle fever!” The other guy added.

“The fuck did you just say?” I was growling again.

“We said your whore girlfriend looks ready to put out!” One of the guys growled back and took a step towards us.

Hyejin was yanking at my arm as I stared back at the guys.

“Watch your mouths you sexist, misogynistic pieces of shit!” I screamed back. “It’s guys like you that make the rest of us men look like the assholes you are!”

Both of the guys came stomping towards us as Hyejin yanked at my arm, and I did my best to look intimidating and stand my ground. The sad thing was, if the guys tried to fight me, I was going to lose spectacularly. Like, in the hospital getting bones set, spectacularly. But I wasn’t going to allow a couple of assholes to talk shit about a woman—especially a nice, wholesome one like Hyejin.

“Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to, faggot?!” One of the guys growled at me as they approached.

I didn’t have a chance to respond. Two other guys came out of nowhere and suddenly, the two jerks from the other team were on their asses, trying to quickly crab-walk away from us before running back to their bus. Hyejin and I both looked up quickly to see Chan and Jihoon, another guy from the team, standing with their backs to us, watching the other players run for it. Hyejin squeezed my arm gently as she gave a sigh of relief. Once the other players were on their bus, and it was pulling out of the parking lot, Chan and Jihoon turned towards us. I bet their scowls had made the other guys crap their pants. Right before they were on the seat of them.

“You okay, girl?” Jihoon asked Hyejin.

“I’m okay, thanks.” She did her best to smile.

“You okay, Jisung?” Chan asked in an even tone, appearing as though he was forcing himself to not rush over to me.

“Okay?” Jihoon laughed and slapped Chan in the chest before walking over to me and wrapping an arm around my neck, pulling me into a manly side-hug. “This motherfucker didn’t back down from two asshole defensive linemen. He’s more than okay.”

I couldn’t help but laugh as Jihoon jostled me with his arm. Chan gave a tight smile. It was then that Hyejin and I finally saw Changbin coming towards us, moving slowly on a pair of crutches.

“What happened?!” Changbin was doing his best to move quickly.

“Couple of sexist assholes.” Jihoon snorted. “Pussies. We got this, man.”

“You okay, Hyejin?” Changbin asked quickly, hobbling over as quickly as the crutches allowed. “They didn’t hurt you, did they?”

“Heck, no.” Hyejin laughed as Changbin approached and reached out for her, almost toppling over.

She had to reach out to help Changbin steady himself.

“Jisung wouldn’t have let that happen.” Hyejin assured him. “They were just jerks, that’s all.”

“Yeah, man.” Jihoon still had my neck in a vice grip. “Chan’s friend here told those motherfuckers what’s up.”

Changbin chewed his lip and looked over at me for a second, then turned his eyes to Jihoon.

“You mean Chan’s boyfriend?” He leveled Jihoon with his eyes.

I saw Chan freeze out of the corner of my eye. My breath stuck in my throat—and it wasn’t from Jihoon’s forearm choking me playfully. Jihoon seemed to freeze for a minute, too, but then he relaxed.

“Friend, boyfriend, whatever.” He laughed. “This dude wasn’t taking their bullshit.”

I laughed as Jihoon ruffled my hair, gave me a tighter “man-hug” for a second, then let go.

“You all right, man?” He finally looked directly at me. “I’ll go after ‘em later if you want.”

“I’m good, I’m good.” I laughed as I looked up at him. “They’re just a couple of dicks that don’t know how to treat women. Thanks for helping them learn a lesson, man.”

“Anytime, man.” He slapped me on the shoulder. “You’re cool with me.”

I smiled. Chan was still standing a few steps away, looking confused, but mostly happy. Jihoon smiled at me and then suddenly, a frown formed on his face. He turned to Chan and jabbed a thumb at me.

“You gonna check on your boy or what?” He snorted. “Jeez.”

“Yeah.” Chan shook his head as if clearing away thoughts. “Of course. You okay?”

“Gotta change my pants, but I’m good.” I nodded.

They all laughed loudly. Chan just smiled warmly at me as he nudged Jihoon out of the way to wrap his arm around my shoulders. He gave the two of us a once over, seemed to decide on something in his mind, and just smiled at us.

“You guys going to come to Luke’s?” He asked us as a group. “I mean, your leg ain’t broke, so…”

“I don’t know.” Changbin waved him off. “We’ll see. We were supposed to hang out at Jisung’s.”

“Aw, bullshit.” Jihoon waved him off and began to walk away before adding over his shoulder: “I’ll see you there.”

Hyejin and I turned to our respective boyfriends, waiting for an explanation. Chan and Changbin looked at each other with an amused roll of their eyes. Instead of letting us ask questions, Chan shook his head, signaling that there were more pressing matters.

“Let’s get Binnie in the car.” He announced.

“Um,” I chewed my lip, “he should probably sit up front with you. I mean, getting him up there will be easier.”

“I just have a sprained ankle for God’s sake.” Changbin moaned.

Regardless of how Changbin felt about the matter, Hyejin and Chan helped him into the front passenger seat, and his crutches went in beside him. He buckled his belt while Hyejin and I climbed into the backseat and Chan took his place in the driver’s seat. Once everybody was buckled up, Chan turned to look at me in the back seat, aux cord in hand.

“Play us a celebration song, babe.” He smiled.

“Not until you tell us what Jihoon was talking about.” Hyejin snatched the cord from him, making me laugh.

“All the guys, their girlfriends, blah blah blah, are going to Luke’s for a celebratory party thing,” Jihoon explained with a sigh. “Ya’ know, Luke’s parents have that pavilion that they rent out for weddings and stuff—well they said Luke could have some music and stuff out there as long as there wasn’t any drinking or anything salacious.”

Chan and Changbin roared with laughter.

“So?” I frowned as Hyejin and I looked at each other. “Are we going or what?”

Chan and Changbin grew silent. Suddenly, it dawned on me what the problem was going to be.

“I can go home if the three of you want to go,” I suggested blandly.

Hyejin reached out and laid a hand on my forearm.

“I’m not going without Jisung.” She stated firmly. “And we’re going.”

Changbin turned his head to Chan, speaking lowly. “Man, Jihoon didn’t give a shit. No one is going to give a shit. I promise.”

Ah. I finally saw that it was just Chan worrying about how this would add to his coming-out story. It didn’t upset me in the slightest, but I didn’t want to pressure him to do something that he didn’t want to do.

“I don’t give a fuck what size shit anyone gives, man,” Chan mumbled to him. “But if anyone is mean to him, I’m going to jail tonight.”

Hyejin squeezed my arm and smiled at me.

“No one is going to be mean.” I smiled, filled with love for my boyfriend. “Besides, if they are, Jihoon will punch them for you, babe.”

Everyone laughed.

“Fine.” Chan turned to look at me. “We’re going. Now if Hyejin will be kind enough to give you the aux cord…”

Hyejin handed the cord to me with a flourish. Quickly, I swiped through my phone and selected my song. Everyone cheered at my song choice immediately. Chan threw the car into gear, and we headed towards the after party with Rock and Roll by Led Zepplin playing loudly from the speakers.

-

The pavilion behind Luke’s parents’ house was actually more like a modern, open-air barn where weddings, receptions, and other similar events could be held. Because of that, tables and chairs were perpetually set up, so all that was needed was refreshments and music. One of the other players on our team had already set his phone up to play music through the existing sound system, so music was taken care of. Luke’s parents brought cases of sodas and waters out for us, and pizzas by the truckload got delivered shortly after that.

Being a football player’s boyfriend had its perks.

Chan, Hyejin, Changbin, and I had set up camp at one of the tables so that Changbin could prop his leg up on an extra chair. Within thirty minutes of arriving, I realized that Jihoon must have spread the word about what had happened in the parking lot. Several football players came over to treat me like I had actually saved the planet from an invading monster. Other football players came over with their girlfriends to do the same, but also to introduce me to their girlfriends and tell their girlfriends they needed to be hanging out with me after the games. It was all pretty ridiculous.

But I smiled through the whole thing. Even Chan, tense as he was when we first got there, quickly warmed up and joined in on the banter and fun. Within those thirty minutes, he was loudly and proudly talking about how “his boyfriend” told the other team’s players to go fuck themselves. Not that I had said those exact words—but I allowed him to embellish. If he was going to proudly and loudly proclaim that he was my boyfriend and he thought I was awesome, then I wasn’t going to correct a single thing he did.

Luckily, the novelty wore off within an hour, and people started acting normal, eating pizza, drinking non-alcoholic beverages, and dancing with their girlfriends. Chan and I sat and talked and made silly, starry eyes at each other while Changbin and Hyejin did the same. After more than an hour, however, I could tell that Hyejin was tired of sitting. The music was really good. Whoever was playing DJ, was selecting a lot of good music, both newer and older. It had to be hard for Hyejin sitting there, unable to dance.

“You can go dance if you want, baby.” I heard Changbin urging Hyejin on.

“No.” She shook her head but looked at the dancefloor wistfully. “I want to be here with you.”

“Chan, man.” Changbin pleaded with him. “Go dance with my girl so she doesn’t feel bad about dancing.”

“I don’t dance!” Chan blushed with a laugh.

Hyejin just chewed at her lip and looked out at everyone dancing. Suddenly, Hey, Ya! by Outkast started playing, and Hyejin twitched in her seat.

“I love this song.” She stated so lowly only I heard her.

Finally, since the other men weren’t brave enough, I stood and held my hand out to her. Changbin smiled up at me as I offered to go dance with Hyejin. She gave Changbin a quick look, and he gave her a nudge towards me. So, with a smile, she grabbed my hand, jumped up, and followed me to the dance floor. Together, we cut a path through the dancefloor to the very center, and we danced. A lot of the football players and their girlfriends cheered us on, being a lot nicer than I ever thought popular football players and their girlfriends would be. After a few minutes, we were all just dancing, having fun, and being teenagers—no one cared that Chan and I were together.

Dancing with Hyejin was actually a lot of fun. We danced to fast songs together, we danced to slow songs together—we knew Changbin wouldn’t get jealous—and we just had a great time. Several other football players’ girlfriends asked me to dance—the ones whose boyfriends wouldn’t get out on the dancefloor. Every now and then, Hyejin would give me up for a song so that I could be a dancing partner for other girls. Mostly, though, it was me and her on the dancefloor, just having a good time. Every few songs, we’d go get a sip of our drinks and check in with our boyfriends, but we spent most of the evening dancing.

It was a perfect night.

And it wasn’t even over.

-

-

It was probably two o’clock in the morning when Chan and I finally got back to my house. Of course, Changbin and Hyejin had gone to their own homes. We had all planned to hang out at my house, but since we had been together all night at Luke’s, hanging out time was over. Besides, Hyejin had a strict curfew, and none of us wanted to get her into trouble. Her parents were pretty liberal for the kinds of parents that sent their teenage daughter to a private Catholic high school, but we didn’t want to find out how liberal they were.

Once we were back at my house, I unlocked the front door and let us in, then quickly locked it tightly behind us. Chan was just smiling at me widely, his eyes looking starry as he stood there.

“Can I help you, sir?” I teased.

“I am absolutely, irrevocably in love with you, Jisung.”

“Was it my bravery in the face of getting my ass kicked by a couple of football players, my stunning dance moves, my sparkling personality, or…”

Chan pressed his mouth against mine, cutting me off. He reached up and held my face in his hands as he kissed me gently, yet passionately, right there in the foyer. I returned his kiss as my hands went to his waist. After several moments, Chan finally pulled away, still holding my face in his hands as he looked me in the eyes.

“It was you just being you.” He whispered. “You are…amazing.”

“You’re not so bad yourself,” I replied. “And I love you, too.”

“I’m serious.” He sighed happily. “Everything you do is amazing, Jisung. I fall more deeply in love with you every single day that I spend with you. I don’t even know how you do this to me. I couldn’t fight it if I wanted to.”

“I hope you don’t.” I teased and ran a thumb across his cheek.

Chan’s phone dinged.

He dug it out of his pocket, swiped his finger, read the message, then smiled before slipping it back into his pocket.

“You made Hyejin’s night.” Chan smiled at me. “That was Changbin texting to say that she won’t stop texting him about how much fun she had and how much she’s glad she has you as a friend.”

“That’s sweet.”

“And Changbin said after you defended his girlfriend like that, I better never let you go or he’d kick my ass.” Chan laughed.

“He won’t be the only one.” I laughed with him as I turned towards the stairs.

Chan was suddenly pressed against me, pulling me back from the stairs, his crotch pushing against my ass. I gasped around a laugh as I felt him pressing against me, trying to pull my body completely into his. Chan breathed into my ear, a content, yet longing sound as he pushed us closer together.

“Just going to take what you want, eh?” I asked hoarsely.

“I want to be inside you, babe.” He nibbled at my ear.

“I can tell.” I chuckled lowly as he pushed his bulge into me.

“I want you on top of me, looking down.” He groaned. “I want to see your face clearly as we make love. And I want you to see how much you turn me on when we’re making love.”

“Well, calm down ‘til we get upstairs.” I reached up to lay a hand against his cheek as he nibbled at my ear. “I don’t want you to jizz your pants.”

Chan pulled away with a laugh.

“Not going to happen, babe.”

“Well, let’s get upstairs just in case.” I dragged him towards the stairs and led him upwards towards my room.

Once we were in my room, I closed the door and locked it as Chan made his way to the bed. When I turned around, Chan was standing at the end of my bed, giving me an evil grin. I sauntered over, trying to act as sexy as possible, and most likely failing, before wrapping my arms around his middle roughly and getting on my tiptoes to kiss him. As I pressed my lips against his, Chan winced. He had tried to cover it, but I noticed.

“What’s wrong?” I pulled back slightly and looked down. “Did I step on your foot?”

Chan frowned at me. “Even if you did, I think my toes could take a step from your scrawny ass.”

“Scrawny ass?” I growled playfully and began jabbing at his sides.

Chan laughed again then winced.

“Okay.” I pulled back. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, babe.” He waved me off with a laugh.

“Nothing my scrawny ass.” I grabbed his shirt and pulled it up.

Along Chan’s left side there was a huge round bruise—all colors of blues and purples and yellows starting to develop.

“What the hell?” I gasped.

“Took a helmet to the side on that last touchdown.” He shrugged as he looked down at the bruise. “Worth it.”

“Did you show your coach?” I asked as I examined the bruise.

“Well…yeah.” Chan shrugged again. “You could barely see it right after the game, though, so ya’ know.”

I pressed gently against Chan’s ribs, and he winced slightly, but not as much as he had before. When I pressed the center of the bruise, he really winced and sucked breath in through his teeth.

“I like playing doctor the other way,” Chan grunted out a chuckle.

“You should let my mom look at it when she gets home.” I frowned up at him and let his shirt fall back into place. “Maybe you have a cracked rib or something?”

Chan gave me a look.

“What?” I asked.

“Obviously I don’t have a cracked rib.” He rolled his eyes with a smile. “It’s just a deep bruise. It comes with the territory, babe.”

“Still…”

“You’re not getting out of giving me some sugar, Jisung.”

“Sugar?” I laughed loudly.

“Yeah.” He insisted with a laugh. “If a two-hundred-fifty-pound defensive lineman can plow his helmet into my side, I can take having you ride my cock like crazy.”

“You make it sound so sweet.” I teased as I got on tiptoes again to kiss him. “So romantic.”

“What?” Chan kissed me back. “You don’t want none this?”

He was once again pushing his crotch against me.

“Of course I do.” I reached a hand between us to rub his crotch. “But you’re still going to let my mom look at that.”

“Jeeeeezus.” He breathed out in frustration and enjoyment. “Then you better make me feel really good if you’re going to punish me like that.”

I didn’t respond, but instead grabbed ahold of Chan’s shirt and gingerly lifted it up as he raised his arms with a wince. Giving him a frown as I pulled his shirt off of him, he just smiled sheepishly at the wince that had escaped. Shaking my head with a smile, I leaned forward and kissed his chest as I tossed his shirt aside. Chan sighed happily as my fingers went to the button of his jeans and unsnapped them gently. My fingers deftly slid his zipper down as I kissed further down his chest towards his stomach.

Getting on my knees, I rolled his jeans down his hips, over his thighs, and to his ankles. Working carefully, I pulled Chan’s jeans off of him as he lifted one foot and then the other. When I looked up, I was face to face with his massive bulge. I smiled up at Chan as I leaned forward and kissed his cock through his underwear. His fingers were suddenly in my hair, and he was moaning as I ran my face along the length of him through his underwear.

For a few moments, I teased him, rubbing my face against him, then kissing and licking him through his underwear. Chan just raised his head towards the ceiling and moaned as I teased him. Finally, I reached up and pulled his underwear down far enough to let his cock pop out. Then my mouth was on him, and I was slowly sucking at the head of his cock. I licked and sucked at his cockhead, then slid my mouth down the length of him until my nose was buried in his pubes. Chan’s fingers played with my hair as he moaned and enjoyed the sensations my mouth and tongue were providing.

“Get on the bed.” I smiled up at him as I pulled my mouth away from his engorged cock.

Chan grinned widely and kicked his underwear off. He climbed up on the bed, laying on his back with his cock sticking straight up like a flagpole. Within seconds, I had stripped down as well and found the lube and condoms in his bag that he’d brought over right after school. I walked over to the bed, my cock starting to get hard at the sight of him on the bed, waiting on me with an evil grin. I crawled up on the bed to straddle his thighs, my cock pushing out towards his.

“I want you so bad, baby.” Chan placed a hand on my chest as he looked up at me.

I just bit my lower lip with a smile as I tore open the condom and rolled it down over the length of him, drawing another moan from him. Slowly, I applied lube to the length of him, taking him in my fist and giving him a few, slow, long jerks as I did so. I lubed up my fingers and reached behind myself and began to finger myself as I stroked him slowly. Chan looked up at me with wide eyes as I stroked his cock and prepared myself for him.

“Fuck, that’s so goddamn hot.” Chan groaned as he looked at me.

Without answering, I took my hand away from him and pulled my fingers out of myself. I scooted up on Chan and positioned his cock against my ass. Slowly, I began to ease him into me. Chan groaned loudly as I slid down inch by inch onto his huge cock. I grunted and groaned in pleasure as I accepted him into my body until finally, I was sitting on his groin. Chan placed his hands on my hips as he stared up at me like a wild animal.

When I started to move upwards on him, Chan’s fingers dug into my hips, and he groaned even more loudly. When he was almost falling out of me, I moved down again, sliding the length of him into my body again. Within moments, I had a rhythm going, and I was bouncing up and down on his’s cock, eliciting loud moans and groans from him as he stared up into my eyes. I chewed at my lower lip as his cock slid in and out of me, stimulating my prostate. Chan’s hand went to my cock and began stroking me, and I immediately began bouncing up and down twice as fast.

Within a minute of Chan’s hand finding my cock, my cock was shooting rope after rope of cum onto his stomach and chest. He gave a final groan as my asshole convulsed around his cock. Then he was filling the condom as I bounced up and down on him like a madman. Finally, Chan had to grab me and pull me down to lay against him, stopping me from moving anymore as he shivered in pleasure beneath me.

“Oh, my God.” Chan’s breath was raspy. “I love you so much, Jisung.”

“I love you, too.” I sighed out happily.

-

My mom was sitting on the couch, still in her scrubs, looking tired, as Chan stood in front of her, his t-shirt raised up to where she could see his side. Mom was examining the bruise with a grimace. Chan winced and didn’t wince as she pushed and pressed at different areas. It was six-thirty in the morning. Chan and I had barely gotten three hours of sleep before my mom got home, so everyone was tired and ready to go to bed or go back to bed. I sat in the easy chair next to the couch as mom examined his injury.

“Well, sweetheart.” My mom finally moved her hand away from his side. “I don’t think you have any broken ribs.”

Chan shot me a “told you so” look of satisfaction.

I rolled my eyes.

“But I can’t believe they didn’t wrap you or tell you to put ice and heat on it.” She shook her head. “When you two get up later, Jisung, use the ice packs in the freezer. Use them for fifteen to twenty minutes, then switch to the heating pad. Back and forth for a couple hours. It might help some. Since it’s been almost twelve hours, you’re pretty much stuck with a big, ugly bruise until it heals, though. Take some ibuprofen, sweetheart.”

“Jisung force-fed me some before we went to sleep.” He looked over at me.

“Good.” My mom stood up and gently slapped him on the cheek with a smile. “Do what I said with the ice packs and heating pad, you hear me?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He nodded with a smile.

She ruffled his hair and headed towards the kitchen. Chan turned to me with a grin that I couldn’t quite figure out.

“Ready to go back to bed?” He suggested.

“Go on up.” I nodded towards the stairs. “I’m going to talk to mom for a second.”

“Okay.” He leaned down and gave me a quick kiss before taking the stairs two at a time, ready to be back in bed.

I got up from the easy chair and headed into the kitchen. Mom was getting a glass of water, yawning widely, as I entered the room. She glanced over at me with a smile before tipping the glass to her lips.

“Thanks for looking at his bruise.” I crossed my arms and leaned on the counter.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.” She replied. “I can’t believe the coach and team medics didn’t at least wrap him.”

I shrugged and just watched her.

“What?” She laughed and drained the glass.

“I love you,” I stated simply. “I really love you, mom.”

“Aw, sweetheart.” She put the glass in the sink and came over to cup my face in her hands. “You know I love you more than life, right?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “It’s nice to hear often, though.”

My mom looked into my eyes for a few moments.

“Being in love with Chan has made you a lot sweeter. At least, more vocal about it.” She stated.

“I’m irrevocably in love with him, mom.”

She just stared at me.

“How does he feel about you?” She finally asked.

“He tells me he loves me fifty-seven times a day.” I blushed. “Give or take a hundred.”

My mom leaned to look towards the stairs, making sure that we were actually alone.

“I like him, Jisung.” She let go of my face finally. “Is he good to you?”

I nodded.

“Then that’s all that matters, sweetheart.”

“He kind of came out to the entire team last night. After the game.” I stated evenly. “So, if you hear anything—'

“Oh, honey.” She rolled her eyes. “Like I give a flying fuck what other people think. If people hear that my son is gay and they don’t like it, they can suck my dick.”

“Mom!” I turned red and laughed loudly.

“Just saying.” She shrugged.

“Well, still.”

“You listen here.” My face was in her hands again. “If you’re happy, if Chan is happy, and the two of you love each other and treat each other the way you should be treated, I don’t give a shit about anything else. You hear me, Jisung?”

“Yes.” I nodded.

“Good.” She slapped my cheek softly.

“I really do love you, mom.” I grinned.

“You are the best thing that’s happened to me, sweetheart.” She replied. “How did I ever get to be such a lucky mother?”

“Just blessed, I guess.” I shrugged.

“Oh, go back to bed.” She shoved me and swatted at my ass. “Keep the volume down, though. I need my sleep, too.”

“Mom!” I groaned as I walked away.

“Goodnight, sweetheart.” She stated cheerfully from behind me.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls why is jisung's mom the best character in this story lol anyWAYS i hope you enjoy this chapter bc it's honestly one of my favs <3333

“Oh, my gosh.” Chan groaned from his seat at the kitchen table.

Changbin and Hyejin looked up from their papers with a smile, glanced at each other, then went back to their homework. I leaned in closer to Chan and pointed at his textbook.

“It’s okay, babe,” I reassured him. “It’s not as hard as you’re making it on yourself. You can get this memorized.”

Chan’s anatomy and physiology homework from Biology II was giving him a headache, and the ice packs strapped to his side were getting on his nerves. Everything was irritating him. I couldn’t blame him. When you’re in any amount of physical pain, and you’re trying to do homework, you’re bound to be in a bad mood. I was doing my best to help him memorize his body parts and systems for his test on Monday, but he just wasn’t in the mood.

Mom had left just as Changbin and Hyejin were showing up to for our homework session. They immediately fell in love with my mom, too, and promised her that there would be no parties. We were truly all getting together to do homework, and if there was enough time, to watch a movie on Netflix. However, homework was taking longer than usual since Chan was having so much trouble with A&P.

“This is impossible. Why do I have to know all the parts of the spine?” Chan groaned and placed his head against the table with a wince. “I can’t remember where each part is, damnit.”

Changbin and Hyejin both shot me sympathetic grins. Suddenly, I had a thought.

“Okay.” I reached out and slowly lifted Chan’s head to look at me. “Lumbar. Think lower. Thoracic, think the middle. Cervical, think crown. Then you can remember which is which, right?”

Chan stared at me for a minute, but then a light suddenly came on.

“The sacrum is your seat and, well, I’m sure you’ll remember coccyx, just because of how it sounds,” I explained.

Hyejin laughed and blushed as Changbin brayed loudly. Chan gave an evil grin.

“But how can I remember how many discs in each?” He groaned loudly.

“Five-five-one-two-seven. Bottom to top.” I stated. “Repeat it to yourself like it’s a phone number or a rap. Just keep repeating it. Sacrum, five, Lumbar, five, Thoracic, twelve, Cervical, seven. It’ll stick in your head.”

Chan looked more hopeful.

“You have your muscles down. If you just remember all this stuff, you’ll be golden. I promise.” I reassured him.

“Of course, he remembers the muscles.” Changbin made a jerk off motion. “He uses them so much.”

“Bin!” Hyejin blushed and swatted at him with a laugh.

Chan rolled his eyes as Changbin pulled Hyejin in for a kiss.

“I’m so scared I’m going to bomb this A&P test.” Chan groaned.

“You won’t.” I ran my fingers through his hair. “You’re going to do great.”

“Well, I know I can trust you, so I’ll just do that.” Chan smiled at me. “Five-five-one-two-seven. Bottom to top.”

I nodded.

“Jeez.” Hyejin sighed. “You two are just gross.”

We all laughed at her. It was the meanest thing that Hyejin had ever said—and it was a pretty lame insult.

“I mean,” she waved a hand at us, “you’re just obviously in love and meant for each other. Go have a civil union already.”

“We gays can get married in this country now. For a few years now, lady.” Chan jabbed her in the arm.

Biting my tongue, I didn’t want to say what came to mind. I’d never heard Chan refer to himself definitively as “gay” before. Growth? Maybe.

“Stop trying to marry off my friends before they even graduate high school, baby.” Changbin teased her. “That is if Chan can actually graduate.”

“Hey!” Chan groaned.

“Be nice,” I growled at Changbin but kept a smile on my face. “He’s just having trouble with this one thing. Chan is plenty smart.”

“B-plus at worst, man,” Chan grumbled at Changbin as I rubbed his thigh with a free hand. “A&P is just hard, okay?”

“I’m just fuckin’ with you, man.” Changbin laughed. “You’re going to do just fine on Monday. Listen to your boy.”

I winked at Chan.

“Why don’t we take a movie break?” I suggested and patted Chan’s thigh.

“I’m all done.” Hyejin dropped her pen on her book. “I’m just waiting on y’all.”

“I’m done.” Changbin snorted.

“Same.” I shrugged.

“As long as I can remember this spine shit, I’m good, too.” Chan groaned.

We all laughed and got up from the kitchen table and headed towards the living room. Changbin plopped down in the easy chair and Hyejin squeezed in beside him. I sat down on the sofa and grabbed the remote, which apparently was an invitation for Chan to use me as a pillow. He laid out on the sofa, his head in my lap, his legs propped up on the arm at the other end of the sofa. I pulled up Netflix on the tv.

“Nothing scary.” Hyejin interjected.

“I don’t like horror either.” I nodded.

“Action!” Chan jabbed a fist in the air, and Changbin hooted along.

“No!” Hyejin and I screamed in unison.

“Romantic comedy?” I suggested.

Chan and Changbin both groaned.

“Musical?” Hyejin asked wistfully.

Again, Chan and Changbin voiced their disapproval. Suddenly, I had a moment of inspiration. I indicated to Chan to move his head. Once his head was clear, I stood and went over to the entertainment center.

“I’m going to show you guys my mom’s favorite movie.” I waggled my eyebrows at them. “Well, it’s one of my favorites now, too, I guess.”

“We don’t want to watch some old piece of shit,” Chan grumbled. “No offense to your mom.”

Changbin and Hyejin laughed. I found the DVD I was looking for and popped it into the PS3.

“Just give it a chance.” I rolled my eyes and went back to my seat. “It’s freaking hilarious. It’s got music. It’s got romance. It’s everything.”

Chan placed his head in my lap again.

“Okay.” Chan looked up at me. “But if this sucks we’re all going to hold you personally responsible for ruining our night.”

Changbin and Hyejin laughed at him.

“Well, you’re about to be amazed, doofus.” I flicked him on the nose.

Just as Empire Records began, I knew that my friends would love the movie as much as I did the first time my mom made me watch it. Sure, it was a little dated—but it was a classic as far as my mom and I were concerned. Within ten minutes of watching the movie, everyone was laughing and loving it. I felt completely validated.

-

“I loved the movie.” Hyejin was hugging me as Chan and I walked her and Changbin to the door. “But I’m bringing some DVD’s next week, just for some variety.”

I laughed loudly.

“Yeah, sure.” I shrugged.

“I’ll text you tomorrow.” She gave me another squeeze.

Chan and Changbin were doing _the “bro slaps on the back”_ way of saying _“goodbye”_ ‘cause, ya’ know, _dudes don’t hug._

“Thanks, man.” Changbin gave me a side-hug as Chan opened the door for them. “We had fun. Tell your mom thanks, too, would ya?”

“Definitely, man.” I nodded as he let go and led Hyejin to the porch.

“Get the hell out of here so I can make the moves on my boyfriend!” Chan waved them away.

I rolled my eyes as Changbin and Hyejin said their “goodbyes” and walked down and jumped into Changbin’s car. We waved as they left and then closed the door, once again alone. Chan immediately grabbed me and pulled me into him. Then his mouth was on mine, and his hands were groping at my ass. I returned his kiss, trying not to laugh at the way he was attempting to devour me with his mouth and hands.

“Oh, this is funny to you?” He gave me an evil grin as he pulled away. “Don’t make me spank you, sir.”

“We haven’t done that in a while.” I grinned back.

“You want me to spank you, baby?” Chan asked, gripping my ass roughly. “Get a little kinky?”

“Are we ever not?” I asked as I moved my mouth up to bite at his bottom lip. “I’m pretty sure that’s just how we do things.”

Chan groaned as I moved my mouth to his neck and began kissing and nibbling at the smooth skin there.

“Every day is just better and better when I’m with you, Jisung.” He sighed happily. “I want every day to begin and end with you and me together.”

“Well, we got tonight and tomorrow morning.” I leaned back to look at him as I wrapped my arms around his middle, being careful with his bruised side.

“It’s never enough.” He sighed.

“It’s just for now.” I smiled up at him. “This is just the beginning.”

“I know, but—'

“Don’t rush to the ending, babe.” I stopped him before kissing him gently on the lips.

“It’ll never end.” He stated firmly.

“I’m pretty sure we both have to die sometime.” I chuckled.

Chan rolled his eyes with a smile.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I know.”

We stood there in the foyer, holding onto each other, staring into each other’s eyes for several minutes, just taking each other in as we held on as if our lives depended on it. Finally, I knew that one of us would have to break the silence. And Chan seemed more than content just to stand there and hold each other while staring into each other’s eyes. It was up to me to move things along to the bedroom.

“So, should we go upstairs so that you can spank me before giving me the best blowjob of my life?”

“The best so far, you mean.” He smiled widely.

I nodded. Chan turned me gently and swatted my ass, making me laugh.

“Get your hot little ass up those stairs, mister.” He commanded.

I raced up the stairs, Chan hot on my heels.

-

Sunday afternoon. The worst time in an entire week. It meant that the weekend was ending and school was the next day. It also meant that Chan would be leaving to go home very soon. My mind and body were never prepared for it. We were sitting on the couch again, watching tv, and Chan was holding me close against him as we pretended we were actually watching the tv. However, we were both stuck in our own heads, worrying about what was to come.

My mom was still in bed, sleeping off her shift from Saturday night, and simultaneously preparing for her Sunday night shift. It was getting close to four o’clock in the afternoon, so I knew mom would be up soon and that would signal that it was time for Chan to go home. The closer it got to time, the more tightly I gripped Chan to me. It was absolutely ridiculous that I was reacting in such a way, but it was how I felt.

“Sungie.” Chan interrupted my thoughts. “I’m going to go ahead and head home now.”

“No,” I whined as he kissed the top of my head.

“I know, I know.” He sighed. “I don’t want to go, but your mom will be up soon, and you need to spend a little time with her. But I’ll be thinking of nothing but you until tomorrow morning.”

“Okay.” I sighed and leaned up to kiss him.

“You’ll think of me until then, right?” He asked, our mouths still close.

“Always, babe,” I replied.

He smiled. We kissed a few more times, and against my protests, he rose from the couch and headed towards the door, where his bag was waiting for him. At the door, we kissed for several more moments, our hands running over each other’s bodies as we longed to do anything but say “goodbye.” Even though we’d see each other in less than a day, it seemed unbearable that we would have to be apart for any length of time.

But then he was gone.

Waving as he backed out of the driveway.

Waving as he pulled away.

And my stomach was full of lead.

I only sat on the couch for five minutes waiting on my mom to wake up, but it felt like days. Once I finally heard her stirring and coming downstairs to start her day, I felt a lot less alone. When she finally came down the stairs in her robe, yawning, I turned in the couch to look up at her, expectant. For what, I wasn’t sure.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” She managed to say as she yawned.

“Good afternoon,” I replied.

She laughed.

“I didn’t hear the coffee maker startup yet.” I frowned.

She waved me off and sauntered into the kitchen. With nothing better to occupy my time, Chan, for example, I got up and followed her into the kitchen. Mom was already pulling the coffee and filters out of the cabinet over the machine, going about making coffee.

“Do you want me to do that so you can start your shower?” I asked.

She turned to me with a smile.

“What?” I asked.

“I have time to do it because Lydia took my shift tonight since I took hers the other night.” She beamed. “Your mother has her first Sunday off in five years, sweetheart!”

I laughed loudly as she cheered, her arms over her head in celebration.

“Sweet,” I replied. “Well, do you still want me to make coffee while you shower? Knock the stink off?”

“I do not stink.” She turned her nose up at me playfully. “I showered when I got home this morning. If you and Chan weren’t dead to the world, you would have heard me.”

I blushed.

“Where is Mr. Studmuffin?” She waggled her eyebrows at me.

“He left a little early so he wouldn’t be in the way before you went to work.” I shrugged.

“What?” She frowned. “I didn’t even get to ruffle his hair and tell him to have a good week at school.”

“You’ll survive.” I rolled my eyes with a smile.

“So?” Mom turned to me as she pushed the button to start the coffee. “What do you say that we order pizza tonight, pop in a horror movie, and you treat your dear old mom to a mother-son date night?”

“Or…we could order Thai food and watch the horror movie.” I grinned goofily.

“Well,” she sighed, “if we get to watch horror movies, I guess we can have Thai food.”

“It’s only fair.” I shrugged.

“I guess so.” She nodded. “Well, let me go up and put on some fresh PJ’s to lounge around in. You do the ordering.”

“Already?” I laughed.

“I’m hungry.” She pinched my side as she passed by on her way out of the kitchen. “I ate a fun-size bag of chips for my dinner last night. We were busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest all damn night.”

I laughed. “Okay. Same as always?”

“Yes, please.” She replied cheerfully as she headed for the stairs.

-

Food containers littered the coffee table, and some teenager with large breasts was getting hacked up as the sun set below the horizon outside. Of course, since we were watching horror movies, we hadn’t turned the lights on in the house. Mom liked the lights off for movies, but especially for horror movies. It just added to the ambiance. I had a container full of Pho in my lap, ladling spoonfuls up to my mouth as mom ate her first of many fried spring rolls with spicy peanut dipping sauce.

There was Pad Thai on the table waiting for us as well as dumplings—and no matter how hard we tried, there’d be more than half left when we were done. That was how mom and I ordered delivery—enough to eat on for two or three days. Leftover delivery is always the best part of actually getting delivery. Regardless, we’d both be torpid and bloated before the first movie was even over. But we’d never regret it.

Whatever horror movie we were watching, it was just as stupid as any other, as far as I was concerned. There was something that just bothered me about an idiot who always dropped the keys when they were trying to get away. Or forgot the keys. Or fell every time they tried to run. Or grabbed the dumbest weapon. Or ran towards the most dangerous area instead of toward safety. It was all just worthy of the biggest eye rolls.

But my mom loved the shit, so I did my best to ignore everything ridiculous about horror movies.

“This is my favorite part.” My mom murmured out of the corner of her mouth as another person met a bloody end.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it.” I laughed lowly as I worked on my Pho.

“I don’t know how you don’t love horror movies.” She sighed before attacking another spring roll.

The doorbell chimed just as mom bit into the spring roll. We both rolled our eyes at the interruption to our dinner—and mom was upset that the movie was being interrupted as well. I was ambivalent at best about that detail. Mom reached for the remote to pause the movie as I signaled that I’d get the door. I leaned forward and placed my bowl of Pho on the coffee table, next to all of the other food. Mom went back to devouring her spring roll as I walked over to the door and swung it wide, pretending to be irritated.

When I saw Chan standing there, I changed my irritated expression to a smile.

“Hey, babe.” I beamed. “What’s up?”

“Um, I needed to talk to you for a minute.” He looked a little cagey.

I looked over to see mom eyeing us, so I stepped out onto the porch and closed the door gently behind me.

“I tried texting you before we started the movie,” I spoke carefully. “Did you come all the way over to answer me, ‘cause I mean, a text back would’ve been okay, too.”

Chan chuckled. A kind of sharp, spontaneous chuckle that unnerved me.

“I didn’t see your text.” He responded.

“Oh.”

“Um, I wanted to know if I could use your phone to call Changbin.” He was kind of shifting from foot to foot.

“Of course.” I started to reach in my pocket, and as I did, I looked over to notice that the driveway was empty, then I noticed the two big bags a few feet away. “Why…didn’t you use your phone?”

“I don’t have it.” He was looking down now.

“What’s going on? Did you lose your phone?” I asked as I looked over at the driveway. “And your car?”

“I—I left my house without them.”

I looked down at his bags.

“Why did you leave your house without them?” He avoided my eyes. “Chan? What’s going on?”

I reached up to take his face in my hands.

“What happened?”

“Luke’s parents called my parents this weekend and told them that I was at their house for the celebration party, introducing my boyfriend to everyone.” Chan started to cry. “My parents flipped shit on me when I got home this afternoon and told me it was you or living there. So, I left.”

I quickly pulled him into me, which was kind of pointless. Due to his height, it was my face pressed into his chest and not the other way around. Chan wrapped his arms around me and cried silently, his body shaking as we stood there on my front porch.

“I just grabbed as many clothes as I could in my two duffel bags and grabbed my backpack…and I didn’t know what to do.” Chan explained through tears. “But I knew you’d let me use your phone to call Changbin. I know he’ll let me stay with him for at least a little bit.”

We both froze at the sound of the front door opening. I turned away from Chan, trying to shield his face from my mom the best I could as he tried his best to stop crying. My mom crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the doorframe.

“Well, you’re obviously not breaking up.” My mom cocked an eyebrow. “What is going on that my movie is getting interrupted?”

“I’m sorry,” Chan answered from behind me, doing his best to sound normal. “I was just stopping by to use Jisung’s phone.”

My mom’s eyebrow arched higher as she kept her eyes on mine. All I could manage was a sheepish look. Chan was making throat-clearing sounds behind me, trying to get himself together as I just stared my mom down. Finally, she sighed.

“Jesus. I never want to rob a bank with you two. Neither one of you is a good actor or liar.” She rolled her eyes. “Chan, sweetheart, grab your stuff and get in this house.”

Chan was still wiping his eyes and trying to look normal as I turned to him. Instead of saying anything, I handed him his backpack and then grabbed his two duffel bags. I nudged Chan towards the front door as my mom held it wide for him. Chan entered the house and went into the living room. As I passed my mom, I whispered to her, “His parents found out.” She closed her eyes and sighed, and I could see her heart breaking in two for him right then and there. 

I followed Chan into the living room as mom shut and locked the door behind us.

Setting Chan’s bags down by the end of the couch, he turned to look at us and slowly lowered his backpack onto the floor beside himself. He had the look of someone who had absolutely no idea what to do with himself or how to behave. My mom watched the two of us, her eyes going back and forth between us for a moment. Finally, she moved into action.

“Chan, I need you to help Jisung carry the food into the kitchen.” She stated. “We’ll have dinner at the table tonight.”

Chan nodded, and I followed suit. We worked together, carrying the containers into the kitchen and laying them out on the table while my mom got plates and utensils out for us. She nabbed the paper towels and placed them on the table as well before getting a soda for Chan and me. Then she grabbed herself a beer. I definitely couldn’t blame her. At least one of us needed a drink.

Once we were all sat down around the table, Mom made a plate, heaping with food for Chan and set it in front of him as he stared down at his lap. Then mom and I made our own plates, instead of eating out of the containers. I watched Chan out of the corner of my eye as I started to slowly spoon Pho towards my mouth. My mom picked up her spring roll, ready to dig in again, but Chan was just sitting in his chair, his hands in his lap, his eyes down.

“Bang Chan.” My mother spoke up. “I want to see that plate of food eaten in twenty minutes or less.”

Chan snapped to attention as if he just realized that he was still with other people.

“Eat your food, sweetheart.” My mom reiterated. “You need to eat. Okay?”

He nodded, his eyes so red that they looked like they were bleeding, then grabbed his fork. Slowly but surely, he began to bring food to his mouth. Within moments he was shoveling the food in. Of course, if his parents jumped his ass as soon as he got home, he probably hadn’t eaten since the two of us had breakfast. We hadn’t had lunch. He was probably starving. Especially since it was apparent that he had walked to our house from his own, which was a good five miles. Walking five miles while carrying two heavy duffel bags and a backpack would make anyone ravenous.

Mom let the three of us eat in peace, not saying anything about Chan’s situation. Mostly, she talked to me about a new horror movie that was coming out soon that she wanted me to take her to see for a mother-son date. Then she was talking about work and trying to gross me out with stories about medical issues she’d seen. But finally, the food was all gone—Chan even had a second helping—and we were all left at the table, silent and not sure if we wanted to poke the elephant in the room. Of course, my mom could always be relied on for ripping off a Band-Aid if need be.

“Did your parents kick you out of the house?” She sat back in her seat, propping one elbow up on the back. “When they found out that you were dating Jisung, I mean?”

Chan nodded, then stopped. “Well, kind of.”

“Kind of?” My mom cocked an eyebrow at him, then glanced at me.

“They said I had to choose between Jisung and living under their roof.” He explained, his eyes still down. “So, I guess I chose to leave.”

“I see.” My mother replied simply.

“My…our friend Changbin will let me stay with him.” He stated. “I just needed a way to call him because they live all the way out on highway 9, so I knew trying to walk out there with three bags would be impossible.”

My mom looked over at me with a look that said _‘your boyfriend is a moron, ya’ know that right?’_

“I just really had nowhere to go.” Chan sniffled, tears threatening to escape his eyes again.

“I’m starting to understand a few things.” My mother shook her head with a smile. “No wonder you’re dating my son. You are thick as mud.”

“Mom!” I couldn’t help but laugh.

Chan looked up at her with watery, red eyes.

“Sweetheart.” She reached out for his hand, which he tentatively allowed her to grab. “You’re part of this family. You had somewhere to go—and you went there.”

Chan looked touched but confused.

“Are you saying…” He began tentatively.

“You can stay here, sweetheart.” She nodded. “As long as you want to.”

I’m a horrible person. All I could think about was having my boyfriend living with me. Being with him all day long every day. I forgot about the horrible situation that made that happen. Only briefly, though. When Chan started to sob, lowering his head again, I was snapped out of my inappropriate gratitude for Chan now living with us. My mom stood, still holding his hand and stepped towards him.

Bending down, she kissed the top of his head before wrapping her arms around him and giving him a comforting mom hug. I stood and joined in, wrapping my arms around Chan as well. The two of us hugged him for a long time as he cried it out. My heart broke for my boyfriend. All along, he seemed more fortunate than me in every way. But… I had a mother who loved me even though I was gay. I had a kind mother. I didn’t have to worry about being homeless due to loving another guy. Chan definitely wasn’t more fortunate in the ways that really mattered.

-

Chan and I delivered his bags to my room once it was getting late. Mom was right behind us.

“Stay in here with Jisung tonight, sweetheart.” Mom rubbed his back gently as she stood beside him. “Tomorrow, you and Sungie can clear out the spare bedroom for you. It’s got a bed and a dresser. But also, a lot of boxes right now. You two can put the boxes in the attic and clean up in there so you can have your own space, sweetheart.”

Chan just nodded.

“Mom.” I rolled my eyes with a laugh. “I think we all know what’s going on here. Chan is fine in here.”

“This isn’t a moral issue here or motherly squeamishness.” She replied. “But you both need your own space—no matter how deeply in love you are. I don’t care if Chan sleeps in here with you—but if he’s going to be living with us, you both need to be able to enter a room and close a door and have that be your own space. Kapeish?”

I rolled my eyes again but agreed. My mom probably had a point. Besides, she didn’t do that strange mom thing of dancing around the truth when she explained. She had said: _“in love”_ and _“living with us.”_ You can’t argue with that.

“Good.” She smiled.

She walked over to Chan and wrapped her arms around him again, being careful of his side. Chan immediately put his arms around her and hugged her back. He didn’t cry this time, but his eyes were still bloodshot.

Mom turned her head against his’s chest to look at me.

“Why don’t you two call into school tomorrow?” She suggested. “Sleep in a bit, then get up and tackle that room?”

“I have a test,” Chan stated simply.

“You can do it Tuesday after school.” My mom answered with finality.

“Okay,” Chan replied, still hugging her.

“Okay.” She agreed and pulled back, looking up at him with one of those ‘mom smiles.’

“I don’t have a lot of money,” Chan stated quickly. “I have a couple hundred bucks I saved from Barrows and when I get paychecks—'

Mom slapped the side of his face gently.

“Use that for things you need for school and football, clothes, help Jisung with gas and your extracurriculars, okay?”

“But—'

Mom’s hands started to go to her hips.

“Yes, ma’am.” Chan corrected quickly.

I laughed.

“Okay.” Mom nodded at him.

She turned away from us and headed for the door. As she was leaving, closing the door behind herself, she looked in at Chan again.

“Don’t ask me if you can have any of the food in the kitchen.” She warned him. “Or to use the tv or washing machine or anything. You’re at home here. You hear me?”

Chan smiled slightly and nodded.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Jisung can give you some of his chores to do if you feel like you need to.” She grinned evilly. “I’m sure he’ll be glad to.”

“Get out of here!” I ordered her with a laugh.

“Goodnight, boys.” My mom laughed and then was gone.

Chan was still standing there, grinning slightly, his eyes red, looking a hot damned, destroyed mess. I stepped over to him and looked up at him, but didn’t put my hands on him. Chan leaned down to put his forehead against mine. His arms went around my neck, and I laced my arms around his middle.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“What are you sorry for?” I asked.

“I know this is kind of an imposition on you and your mom—'

“No.” I stopped him. “It’s not. And I want you to know that I’m so happy you’re here. The only thing that I hate is the why. Okay, babe?”

He nodded, our foreheads rubbing.

“I love you, Chan.”

“I love you, too.” A tear slid down his cheek. “So much.”

“Obviously. Or you wouldn’t be here with your bags.” I wasn’t trying to make light of the situation, but it was what it was.

“I guess so, huh?” Chan chuckled wetly. “When my parents told me that I had to choose, I did. Not choosing you scared me more than anything. I would rather be living under a bridge, Jisung.”

“Well, you’re here.” I kissed him. “It’s not a big upgrade from bridge dwelling, but it’ll keep the rain off of your head.”

“Your home is amazing,” Chan stated firmly. “I love your home.”

“Our home.” I corrected him. “My mom’s, mine, and yours.”

He held back tears.

“Do you want to shower?” I asked. “Not like you need permission or anything…”

Chan shrugged. “I kind of just want to go to bed now.”

“Okay.”

Slowly, we moved away from each other, and both of us stripped down to our boxer briefs. Chan threw his clothes by his bags, which I scooped up, gave him a look, then threw them in the hamper.

“Sorry.” He smiled sheepishly. “I just—'

“I know.” I nodded. “But my hamper is your hamper now, too.”

Chan gave the first genuine grin of the evening and then just stared at me.

“My parents don’t love me, Jisung.” He stated dryly.

What does one say to that?

“They can’t love me if I love a guy. Can’t let me live in their house if I’m gay.” He continued. “How would they even think that I wouldn’t choose you?”

“I don’t have wise words for that, babe.” I shook my head.

“How could they hate me for loving someone?” He sighed. “How can they hate love?”

I moved into him again, our bare skin touching as I wrapped my arms loosely around his waist and looked up at him. Getting on my tiptoes, I gave him a simple, gentle kiss before staring into his eyes.

“I’ll never hate you for loving me,” I stated. “Neither will my mom. Are you okay?”

“No.” He swallowed hard. “But I think that I will be.”

I nodded. Together, we climbed into bed, turned off the lights, curled into each other, and drifted off to sleep. Tomorrow would be another day.

**Author's Note:**

> for all ya nasties out there, i hope you enjoy this story lol
> 
> basically read the tags
> 
> okay ily


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